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2 years on hubby & psychosis

deekContributor22 Apr 2018, 7:27 pm AEST

2 years on hubby & psychosis

Its been a while since i posted.
Just wanted to update and get advice..

Hubby is still going through psychosis, we ended up falling pregnant with our second while things were calmer and I thought on track again.
Im almost due to have #2 (5 weeks till my c section)
And hubby has been unwell throughout the whole pregnancy.

I've been struggling and unsure where i stand moving forward with him after the birth.
Its extremely hard on me and im scared it will affect my kids growing up. Hes refused meds but started this process called methylation. Hes over methylated so hes been put on vitamins to help him get better.

Im trying to be supportive but im scared that things will stay the same and times passing by.
Its 12 years together now and its been years (most the 12) battling anxiety and depression now the psychosis the last 2 years.
Im 27 and feel like ive invested so much time already trying to support him and now its taking its toll on me too.

Any advise for me?

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In response to: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

QueenieSenior Contributor22 Apr 2018, 8:05 pm AEST

Re: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

Hey there @deek. I know it's been a while since you last posted, but I don't think I've 'met' you before, so a big hello from me.

I live with psychosis myself and truly take my hat off to carers looking after their mentally ill partners. Have you ever sought assistance via mental health carers Australia? They used to be known as Association of Relatives and Friends of the Mentally Ill. Their national helpline number is 1300 554 660.

Psychosis and a mood disorder can be a tricky thing to help a loved one manage. I know myself, I can take up a lot of my wife's time and energy. I've found what works for us is that she meets with a carer counsellor to discuss issues that arise from caring for me (and trust me I know there's a whole gamut of thoughts and feelings that come up). Also, until recently, I was taking regular respite through ARAFMI, although this may need to be applied for under the NDIS (as was my case). Respite can provide a welcome break for the carer (especially when they are having to invest energy into something like a new baby) as well as making sure the person who has been cared for receives appropriate care.

I'll admit I had to google methylation, as I've not heard of it before. It sounds very scientific. I don't use this approach myself, I take medication every day and also have therapy.

In response to: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

deekContributor22 Apr 2018, 9:30 pm AEST

Re: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

Hi @Queenie ,

Thanks for your reply.

Can i ask as you go through psychosis yourself like my husband how long you've been on meds for and how long you been having paranoid thoughts etc? Has the meds helped?

One thing my hubby says is that the tabs cant let him forget everything hes seens or heard. Hes really believing in these thoughts..saying his eyes and ears dont lie.

Hes experienced things like thinking we are not acting out of own accord. (Duress).
Thinks people are threating harming myself our 4 year old and family.

He doesnt feel comfortable talking about what he experiences like people are "listening".
Says he cant trust me.
His phone,car my things etc have been tapped.
He feels uncomfortable around our 4 year old and says outloud that he never did anything to her. No obe said otherwise he thinks or whatnot that hes been looked at like a pedophile.
He wanted our daughter who is 4 to have a CT SCAN as shes not herself according to him. That shes being manipulated etc.
The list continues.
We struggle to communicate as hes in tune with these thoughts and they are real to him.
When i talk he laughs etc.

Can u tell me your experience and advise.. im worried this will never go away.

In response to: Re: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

QueenieSenior Contributor22 Apr 2018, 9:59 pm AEST

Re: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

The medications have definitely helped me, along with a combination of therapy. After about 12 years I've hit upon a combination which has helped me the most. Sure, there are times when my illness gets the better of me (like recently, as I've been hearing voices and have increased anxiety due to life stress). I've been on medication for 12 years (since I first became ill) and have had paranoid thoughts off and on since then. I could look back now (and vividly remember) all my episodes, some of them were downright frightening.

It sounds like your husband is really suffering with these paranoid thoughts and delusions. Does he see a psychiatrist about these issues?

In response to: Re: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

Unknown userMember23 Apr 2018, 10:03 am AEST

Re: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

Hi @deek
Welcome to the forums again 🙂 It sounds like a really difficult situation that you are in with hubby and being so close to your due date is hard as well. I definitely found the end of my pregnancies challenging and... uncomfortable. My ex was not supportive or ok and the lead up to having my second was just constant anxiety and worry so I can somewhat understand how things might be for you, at least a little.
It does sound like your husband needs some help and treatment and it would worry me that some of the paranoid thinking was about the children as well. I hope that he does have a psychiatrist or someone that you can trust to talk to for you, like your gp?
I also believe that its ok to put your and your childrens needs first, what ever that might mean for you all. Do you have family/friends who are supporting you as well, particularly with c section coming up?
I'm glad you have come back to the forums, I hope that it helps to be here! Take care of you

In response to: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

deekContributor23 Apr 2018, 3:26 pm AEST

Re: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

Thanks for replying @Queenie !

Sounds like you also have been through alot! Im so sorry to hear your struggles. It cant be easy,that I do understand seeing my husband struggle and know its out of his control.

Hubby doesnt see a psychiatrist or psychologist.
He was on meds since he was about 19 for anxiety and depression and did see both for a few years and was on antipsychotic drugs.
Hes only gotten worse and the paranoia started just over two years ago. It was like out of the blue.

Hes tried many medications, hypnotherapy CBT therapy and now hes trying this methylation vitamins.
Its very hard as I dont want my marriage to end, I love him dearly. But its taking a toll on me and our relationship. We can't communicate like we once did as it usually ends up being about paranoia etc.
I feel like most times im walking on egg shells trying to explain my actions etc. I feel like I cant be me!

Hes a good person and I struggle so its hard knowing whats best moving forward.
I feel like ive failed him if I walk away.
I know this is beyond his control and he love us but I cant seem to move forward.

So you've had paranoia etc for 12 years or so? And its been on and off despite meds?

In response to: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

deekContributor23 Apr 2018, 3:39 pm AEST

Re: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

Hi @Former-Member ,

Thank you for your reply also.
Its reassuring knowing someone has been where I am now and also sad as I know how much im struggling. Its not easy having kids in the mix of things is it.

To answer your question hubby doesnt see anyone or talk about these things with. Just me or his mum really. Up until recently his family disowned him until i stepped in and begged for support. They still keep away somewhat. Said they arent ready to see him too much until hes better. So its just me really.

I dont see anyone either, i have thought about it but even talking about my situation with him to someone makes me very anxious.. im struggling even answering his phone calls when hes on break as its always talk about how hes feeling and i feel like a psychologist 24/7.

My mum has been a great support person. I usually talk about things with her. But as for my c section its only him and myself in the room when it happens.
My family dont think its their place to be in there, they are happy to look after our 4 year old while im in there.

Do you have a loved one who has gone through this before? And what was the outcome?

I need to put my kids first as well as myself..
Its hard because i see how much he adores them and my first is the same about him.
I know deep down the man i know is there but its only for a sec i see him sometimes.

We have tried couples therapy before unfortunately hes not been into it.. makes it hard as i push and it doesnt work as his paranoia takes over again.

I do give him credit as hes still managing to go to work full time.. hes pushing himself and im greatful and know that hes struggling..
So i feel guilty thinking about leaving after bubs is born if things are the same. I know hes trying but its affecting me.. walking away if i didn't love him would be easier. Adding 12 years together and 2 kids in the mix makes it harder... 😞

In response to: Re: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

AppleblossomSenior Contributor23 Apr 2018, 9:30 pm AEST

Re: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

Hi @deek

Firstly I wish you the best during your c section and bringing your new bub into the world.

Your hubby sounds unwell and that is extra difficult when birthing and parenting are part of the bundle.

I had similar experiences with my ex husband. Yes in the end I left after 16 years, I dont think I would have survived is I had not left, but each situation is unique and you need to do the right thing by you and your children.

Take care you have alot on your plate in next few months.

In response to: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

deekContributor24 Apr 2018, 12:47 pm AEST

Re: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

Hi @Appleblossom ,

Thank you for your reply.
Your definitely not wrong about it being extra difficult with a baby on the way. Im struggling to sleep at night thinking about all these things.

Thank you for sharing your experience.
So 16 years was it hard to leave.. how did you cope afterwards? Was your husband okay? I struggle feeling guilty to leave my husband feeling like a bad person even though its tearing me apart.

Im trying to get through the next 4 weeks till baby is due this way im in a clear headspace with what I need to do for me and my girls.

Hes a good dad and I see the love there, so I feel even worse taking daddy away from my 4 year old whos so close to him.

Hows things for you now and your kids? Did they notice he was unwell? Thats another thing my 4 year old is small now but im worried she will pick up whats going on as she gets bigger.

Do you have any advise. Im like you feel like this will break me if I stay.. if I didnt love him it would be easier.

In response to: Re: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

AppleblossomSenior Contributor24 Apr 2018, 1:43 pm AEST

Re: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

Will you be able to feel safe at home during the 6 weeks after you give birth?

Our situations are also different. The Dx Sz can mean different things. Fear of the Dx is also an issue.

My ex husband is fine. He owns a lovely home in a lovely country town. His health is average for his age goup and he spends time at his hobbies.

My life stabilised after I left and my health very gradually began to recover.

Focus on you and the children for the next 6 months ... he has to rise to the challenge.. and he may well do so.

Cheers

In response to: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

deekContributor24 Apr 2018, 5:15 pm AEST

Re: 2 years on hubby & psychosis

@Appleblossom,

I was planning on giving another 8 weeks after birth for things to settle and see where hubby is at too. It would mean over 3 months on his meds..
I dont think i could cope well either with so much happening in such a small amount of time.

Sorry what does Dx Sz mean?

Well its good your both well. Did he react badly to you leaving? I think mine wouldnt leave me alone to be honest.. he relys on me and only me so i don't see him coping well if i walk away.

I hope you're right and he will rise so to speak. I see hes trying so im greatful. I just hope it continues, hes stopped and started meds many times before.

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