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It is a hard line to navigate @Wanderer between getting D help and not letting her pull the strings. From personal experience - the sooner she is challenged and gets help with those things the better. It will not be a quick or easy road as it certainly seems like a lot of re-learning and changing very long held behaviours.

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Yes @Wanderer It is important sometimes that mistakes and behaviour are not enabled or accepted for people to be able to actually move forward. It is great that as her father you can both see this and can get her help.

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Happy to listen @Wanderer It can become clearer when we have the opportunity to both get it out and work through our thoughts.

You are so right - we need to have help ourselves - especially when caring for someone that has things to work through too - you are just as important 👍

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That is a gorgeous image @Wanderer - actually gave me a little heart lift ....so thank you so much

@Wanderer Hi Wanderer it is a tough one getting help really has to come from the person themselves ..... one can stand by and help but if the person rejects the help offered there is only so much that can be done. Just promise me this while you are helping your daughter you are looking after your own health. That is so important. Love sweetpeaxx

@WandererI am glad others came and chatted with you. I have often deleted posts about my son as I was worried for his confidentiality. We also had a fairly enmeshed tight single parent and opposite gender child relationship. Its not so much about getting along as individuation. That separating out from the parent is often gradual as the child takes on more responsibility for various aspects of life. Sounds like she is going through a big maturation if she is having to admit and unlearn that kind of thing.... along with all the challenges of teen years. You have probably won a big milestone in having her prefer authentic being, more powerful in long run, but also vulnerable. My little sister SH in teen years. I believe she will need to have a real sense of her separate self to gain insight and mastery of those impulses. It also sounds as if you do need to focus on self care as well. Deeply nurturing you so you are there for her when she surfaces again and can rely on you in later stages of childhood dependency.

Tbh I have been more damaged by manipulative women, than men, and am saddened by that aspect of my gender's behaviour. Sometimes the focus on obvious violence in men, can be a smokescreen for other more subtle micro aggressions ... my opinion. It does nobody any good and gives my sex a bad name. Also for those who indulge in it, their life is less than, even if they think they have won silly competitions and games.

Best wishes.

Apple