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When something goes wrong... moving on

MoonGalSenior Contributor24 Dec 2015, 11:40 am AEDT

When something goes wrong... moving on

Oh dear, I am so susceptible to ruminating, obsessing, wishing I hadn't done something, wanting to change the story. I did something that in the overall scheme of things is not a major thing, but it earned me a light slap from someone I do not know, but am associated with. I was feeling good yesterday and did something that was supposed to be 'helpful' but turned out to be one of those moments on the road to hell being paved with "good intentions". I usually get most things I do 'right' but when I get it wrong I get very anxious and start worrying, my anxiety rises, my guts knot up, my ears buzz. I get really wound up and frightened of making the 'same mistake again' particularly if it is the 'same mistake' I have made before. As it was in this case. I 'interferred" in something that had nothing to do with me and got (metaphorically) slapped for it, a light slap indeed, but I felt the slap.

Now I can't stop thinking about how I mucked up. My mind is wanting to make it a major incident. My partner made a few helpful comments on minimising the incident (to its proper proportion) and in the end "ordered me to stop thinking about it" lovingly and in jest as a way to try to shift my obsessive ruminating about it.

I can feel the SLIDE into the abyss happening and I do not want to go on that ride! (that I can even see it is a minor miracle).

So what should I do? I could colour in my new colouring in book, but I did that so obsessively a few days ago I have a sore wrist. <typical-me>

I am at a point where i CAN jump out of the mind-loop, I just need to do something big enough mentally to do that. Substitute the thought... Okay, so maybe I need to tell myself

You did what you did with good intentions, it was a mistake, no great loss or harm has come from it except someone got cross with you. You have written an email to make amends, now, put it to one side and do something else.

I want to move on. It is too warm here to go for a walk... I need a distraction, I need to get back into my body and out of my mind/thinking. Getting off social media and ... watering the garden. Yes, right. Substitute the thought for all the good things you do, this is self-sabotage really, I did something else REALLY good and special yesterday and was praised for it. I must not let this mistake ruin and become catastrophic. Pattern here? Musn't feel good about myself? Dunno. Anyways. I just needed to get that out.

Do you obsess about mistakes? What do others do to move on from a mistake? How do you change the thinking?

Mmm, maybe I need to take my own medicine and do the "video" rewind and get control of this thought and turn it off like I mentioned here. Oh yes! there's the idea.

4 replies

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In response to: When something goes wrong... moving on

CherryBombSenior Contributor24 Dec 2015, 4:25 pm AEDT

Re: When something goes wrong... moving on

Hi @MoonGal

I think many of us can relate to going around in circles, ruminating about something we did 'wrong' - I certainly can relate to obsessing about mistakes.

From what you write @MoonGal, I can hear that you had the best intentions, your actions were out of kindness towards someone else. Remember that same kindness for yourself. I get the sense that you are beating yourself up on this. It's too easy to be our own worst critics. Be your best friend right now. What would you tell someone else who was going through a similar situation?

One thing that can make us feel powerless is to ruminate about things in the past. It can make us feel helpful because we can't change it. Anything that's happened in the past, we can't change. The only thing we can change is what we are doing right now. So perhaps try focusing on what you can do now that will make the situation better for you. Part of this may be distracting yourself with activities as you mentioned. Another thing that might be helpful, is to also challenge the self talk that is focused on the past by bringing it into the present. Name how you're feeling, and do what you need to work through and process those emotions.

Perhaps some music and a relaxing activity?

Hope this helps a little.

CherryBomb

In response to: Re: When something goes wrong... moving on

NikNikSenior Contributor05 Jan 2016, 10:52 am AEDT

Re: When something goes wrong... moving on

Oh my gosh I can relate to this!

I did it twice in one week. I won't go into too much detail - but both things were done unintentionally. One was I was trying to help a guy pay for parking and I told him to put his money in and the ticket will come out... he put in a $20 note AND IT DIDNT GIVE CHANGE!!! I was frantic.. I was trying to find money to give him, I had none in my wallet, apologetic... etc... he thanked me for my 'help' and walked off quite grumpy.

The other is a bit too complicated to explain, but I sat in my car after the incident (well intention gone wrong!) and just sat... thinking 'take this crappy feeling away!!'. All the positive self talk in the world wasn't taking away the dread and crappy feeling I had. So I just got to a point where I thought 'Nik, what you did was with good intentions, you apologised, you did everything you can, now you just have to have faith that this crappy feeling will go away'. I still think about the incident and the same feelings come rushing back, but as time goes on the feeling isn't as intense or lasts as long.

I hope you're doing well now 🙂

Thank you for sharing! I feel less silly now! It's good to know we all go through it!

In response to: When something goes wrong... moving on

TerrySenior Contributor05 Jan 2016, 11:18 am AEDT

Re: When something goes wrong... moving on

Dear, it is quite clear that you feel bad about it and quite clear that you have tried to make amends - that is all you can do and it's time to put it in the past now. it's also quite clear that you are actually insulting yourself over the incident. NEVER put yourself down in any way. Your post displays a lot of conscience. Put the incident in the past now and NEVER put yourself down in any way.

In response to: When something goes wrong... moving on

TeejSenior Contributor01 Sept 2018, 12:08 am AEST

Re: When something goes wrong... moving on

What if something goes wrong over and over and there was no bad intentions. You made choices according to what you thought your values were but people got hurt and caught up in it. What if it’s like ground hog day in that everytime you see those you hurt it feels like it multiplies. What if you get so scared of making bad decisions that you lock yourself in a bubble away from society but then hurt people on the forum. What happens when you know you’ll never get it right and you’ve got it wrong so much you can’t trust yourself, you’ve lost your 'gut' feeling for anything because you are scared of getting it wrong. I don’t want to hurt anyone and I don’t want to get it wrong anymore.

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