Newbie - BPD Daughter

@Artemis1971 Hi Artemis1971 welcome to Forumland. I don't care for anyone with BPD but I do have a son with schizoprehenia and other problems and know all to vividly the frustration when dealing with the medical institutions etc. Unfortunately I went 'insane' so to speak so I am glad you are aware of the need to protect yourself and look after your own well being and that of your daughter.

We have chat areas where you will find friendly people all willing to lend an ear when times are tough. Just have a look around and introduce yourself.

See you around.

gp

Hi @Artemis1971,

I'm Flipper one of the SANE Moderators. It sounds like you are going through a lot at the moment with your daughter's recent diagnosis and hospital admission. How have you been coping with it all, have you found anything helps you when you are feeling frustrated?

As @Bunniekins said, there are a few posts around that have been made by users who have loved ones diagnosed with BPD that you might find useful. An old one, but good one was made by @brodie here and contains some tips for family and friends, there's also another one here that you might like to read through.

Again, welcome to the forums!

Hi @Artemis1971 and welcome to the forum

I support my wife who lives with Borderline personality Disorder.
We had a crisis around 8 weeks ago that saw us up in the ED for the day. At the time I had doped she would be admitted but she refused so they sent her home after a standard 8hr observation period so feeling your frustration with the system. 😞

I have a thread here that you may find helpful.

I am happy to answer any questions that you may have.

I trust you can find the support you need here, I have found this space invaluable over the last 12 months. you will find everyone most helpful 🙂

Hi Artemis1971,

I'm very new at this as well. My 34 yr old son has just been diagnosed with BPD. I live in a different state and have been supporting him the best I can over the years but it is again at a crisis point. I did find the actual diagnosis has helped me deflect some of the abuse and nastiness I have received (forever?) to the illness and not just him being awful. He has always had a soft side but fell in with the wrong crowd after I and his mum separated. I see the real him occasionally and this is what I focus on during the rough times. There's also been drug and alcohol addictons, and lurching from one crisis to another, but as I said, an actual diagnosis has helped me cope better. My son has several triggers. I try to talk him into not walking into them - most are phone and social media based.

So I hear you loud and clear and really feel for you after reading your letter. I'm not sure I've helped, there doesn't seem to be a lot out there so keep strong - there are definitely others like you about.

OMG! @Artemis1971 I have learned the exact same thing when being a passenger in my daughters car... never say anything even remotely controversial that may upset her in anyway - just too dangerous!

My almost 18yro daughter is in the process of her being diagnosed with BPD while completing her HSC. To say 2018 has been a tough year is an understatement! My daughter has always been full of beans, but this year she has raised the bar completely.

While she is currently being supported by CAMHS, she will soon 'age out' and will have to wait for adult services. She seems to have the CAMHS psychologist wrapped around her finger... in that every time her father and I attend the session we feel as though we are getting in trouble for something (boundaries too strong, boundaries too loose, too much support, too little support... its always too something!)

Reading through this forum has brought tears to my eyes realising that there are lots of other parents walking on egg shells - loving their children while greiving the loss of normal!

Hi @LinnyLou. What a horrid year you must be having. I haven’t been on here for a while as my daughter has been doing ok. She had a review with a psychiatrist a few months ago, who changed her medications, and for the first time in her life I would say she is well. It’s been a bloody long journey.

I’m not saying that every day is perfect but it’s damn near close compared to what we were going through. For her it must feel like she’s a whole new person. She’s studying at TAFE and working part time. I never thought we’d get to this point and I don’t think she did either.

The public mental health system is appalling, as is the general public health system at the moment. There were many times I wanted to give up. I thought that there was no answer to what we were experiencing and that she had little to no future. My point of this rant is DO NOT GIVE UP. Keep getting appointments with as many people as you can until you find the fix. It may take years, as it did for us, but, thankfully, we got there in the end. I’m not saying she will never be unwell again but I will now never take a ‘professionals’ advice as gospel if it is not the right answer for my daughter.

One of the things I have learnt out of this experience is that the consumer and the carer have the right to refuse or question treatment if it does not suit or is not meeting their needs and to ask for a second or third opinion if the dignosis/information does not work for you. They actually teach about the advocacy of the consumer and carer in mental health courses now. My daughter is currently studying Cert IV in Mental Health (go figure) and consumer and carer rights are a very large component of what she is learning. Why this is not trickling down to the current workers is beyond me but I’m hoping that as time goes by this will change.

I wish you and your daughter all the best and I’m happy to be an ear if you need it.

Artemis