Fragile

I find it interesting @Appleblossom that the Australian accent is loved the world over but sometimes we here ourselves find it much the same as your mother did. Depending on where you were brought up and what life you have lived also influences how we talk. I myself was brought up in a lower economic community but was also influenced by the many sporting groups I was part of growing up ...they both had very similar ways of speaking but my mother instilled in us the values of respect and manners also so the language we used was also very much more middle class.

That has continued on throughout my life - to value each individual, have respect for where someone has come from and what they actually have to say rather than the way they say it and always treat others as you would wish to be treated yourself - it does not matter what job someone does, where they live or what

position' they occupy in society - everyone should be treated equally and with the respect they deserve.

Hi @Appleblossom .. there have been some wonderfully interesting conversations here the past few days. Hi @Wanderer @eth @Maggie @Zoe7

I agree with you and Zoe about the Aussie accent. It varies between states as well as city vs bush and socio-economic upbringing. Like the pair of you, I was also brought up in a poor household with barely enough money to put food on the table. Thankfully being in the bush, we grew most of our fruit and veges and had chooks for eggs and meat. So that helped a heap, and meant Mum could pay for school necessities and basic clothes for us kids growing up. But despite being money-poor I do not consider that we missed out on anything of any real importance.

Getting back to accents ... I am sorry you were made to feel inferior or ashamed of your accent or roughness of being an Aussie. Its also a shame that your Mum was unable to accept the accent you developed as a child. I guess we do tend to alter our accent to please a certain audience. Which is very normal and natural I believe. I can talk quite 'proper' if I choose to, although being brought up in the bush and in shearing sheds etc I am also very comfortable with that situation as well .... I can swear with the best of them if the situation warrants! And no political correctness involved, nor needed, at all. Oops. I'm not sure though that your Mum was being a snob in not wanting you to speak with an Aussie accent. I'd suggest she was just wanting you to be in the best possible position to make the absolute most of yourself and to increase your chances of a better life for yourself. Something she didnt have.

Swales ... good word. Your mini swales to allow proper water flow in your garden sounds like a very worthwhile addition.

Normal? I wonder if there really is a normal. If there is, then its a very large chunk in the middle of the ruler. And leaves very little outside of the realm.

I think I read somewhere else @Appleblossom about your star sign and that you are uncomfortable with your particular element (fire, earth, air, water). My apologies, was it that you are an Aries which makes you a fire element? I think I have that right. Although you mentioned you were on the cusp with your star sign. I am also a cusp star sign ... 22nd May which makes me a Gemini, although I relate much closer to Taurus, and only miss that by one day. I dont know much about the Elements and how they relate. But knowing my birth date, it makes me either an Earth (Taurus) or air (Gemini). Again, I tend to place myself more in the Earth category, which is more consistent with my Taurean temperament. Its all a very interesting concept though not one I have explored up until now.

Yes ... very true ... there are many sensitive people in the world in general, and equally so here. I know I am one of them, though I try hard not to be.

Always reading along with interest.

Sherry 💕

Thank you @Zoe7 and @Former-Member

I guess poverty makes some people more compassionate and others more hard nosed, regardless of race or nationality. Glad I have your friendship.

@Former-MemberMy mother was good at getting people to stick up for her, and I did love her, but now my job is to survive and encourage kids to thrive, on my terms, not hers.

I disagree with you about my mother's snobbiness. She did not even try to undestand other people. It was very understated of me to say even that. It was another final kick in my belly, when I was down, in pain, shamed and humble and always accepting all her various limitations and ridiculous expectations. My mother was sick, it was just that I did not really know how sick.

I was getting a lot of anti Australian sentiment on and offline and started to really dig deep and bring out my own Australianess with pride, which I did mainly through literature, not having many good Aussie relationships in real life.

Given all the struggle I had to even survive, others did not, given the 7 x 77 forgiveness required of me which mostly I willingly gave. Of course I forgave her for her breakdown, leaving me many times, not understanding English well enough to discuss anything in life, for me, or give good guidance or physical support for my father or my dead brothers and sister. I translated and gave leeway to mother too much. She never did that to me. She played her religious cards too often to know. I was the daughter to be relied on to pay the rent, not skim off anything for me, look after the children and earn money at an age now considered serious exploitation, and on top of all that NOT COMPLAIN. SHe would undermine many medical relationships in her fierce determination, that she was the mother, but not be able to admit, that I was a mother ... it goes on.

Yes on one hand she may have wanted me to be the best I could be, but she could never bring herself to actually say anything like that to my face or celebrate my successes. Mostly she would cut me down. My successes were not handed to me on a platter. Blood Sweat and tears were involved. I encouraged her and went to her graduation. Do you think she cared about how hard I worked for my education or bills? Nope. No attendance at mine, made me feel it was not worth anything, or my job promotions. Now I am seeing it as jealousy, but leading with the requirement that I forgive. SHe seemed to resent me so deeply for so long ... its exhausting. She would visit me at work in govt office, kids in tow, to find ways to milk me for more support... and I gave. She would set up social situations for me to be scapegoated ... I did not cause the abandonment or the suicides. I was usually trying to get my brothers to behave for her, and I loved them.

I guess my situation is too complicated for the average person to understand. I am reading a link @Former-Member posted on carers side about COPMI. (Still have not finished it as it takes a bit to integrate for me.) It was put out around 2007, but not in practise when I was growing up.

I have really had to fight too long and too hard for understanding.

Thanks for talking though, Sherry, you mean well. You have not been a mother yourself, and I dont want to bring up all the sorry manipulations that occurred while I was a young mum.

I am assessing the damage I think. Trying to come to terms with my life and feelings. My OT liked to mention guilt a few times and Shame has been discussed in other circumstances and "shame" assoications just started popping into my head. It was interesting to think about what I thought was shameful, not what others though was shameful ...

there are cliches about the cycle of poverty and shame ...

too much to go into honestly. I dont feel ashamed of things that others may ... too many early childhood truamas ... about the body and all sorts...

I could never claim to understand your unique situation or experiences @Appleblossom . But I do sympathise with what you have been through. And I greatly admire your ability to come through it all, and still be the wonderful person you clearly are.

I am very happy to listen, even if I dont have any worthwhile advice or relevant experience.

Sherry 😀

@Appleblossom 💜💜💜

Thinking of you @Appleblossom I always find your posts eloquent and admire the way you share about your complex past, relationships you grew up with, and where you're at now.

My mum always corrected our speech too, to the point I was frequently assumed to be English, or even accused of being a snob. Speaking with 'a plum in my mouth'. Lots I could say about her situation and aspirations (very upper middle class ones that seemed really false to me and still do) which have had pros and cons in their effect on us kids. All of us got out early but even now have problematic schemas as a result of things in our childhood (including violence between and from our parents) - and we're all over 50.

I was looked down on and even rejected by my parents at one stage due to my association with (hard to find the right words for this bit) more down to earth, you beaut aussies, tradies, bar staff, shop attendants etc - less academic education and lower income. I was much more able to be my authentic self in such circles. Way less judgmental than e.g. the private school and anglican church types my mother tried to get me to mix with.

Hope your day is a good one, take care.

@eth I have met a lot of women like that. I saw them correcting their children for useless and nonsense reasons, mostly I watched and tried a bit of this and bit of that, but pushed myself in studies, needing the clear structure. After thinking about things I guess I grew my own opinions.

Those respectability types never made for a good friendship connection. I kind of dont fit in either world and am my own weird mix.

Feeling a little off centre, had 2 prn days, nothing big. Went to a care leaver museum opening.

Reading a Qld heath guide posted on carer side about Children of People with Mental Illness. A lot of grist for the mill.

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Thank you for this discussion @Wanderer It helps.

Love the image.... stars ... clockwork universes and mechanics and time ... fractured and elapsed ...

Speaks a lot to my truth ... I am going through a reflective period ... memories randomly emerge and are considered and sometimes posted about here ... or elsewhere ...

I am not wanting to jump on politial or argumentative bandwagons, but just consider my own experience in this country. The country of my birth and most of my life.

Whatever name we call it ... I prefer Great Southern Land ... has a freshness away from colonial limitations which are complex and an unhappy marriages of many and various people. The Brit overlord, the underdogs, whether criminal or not, the original inhabitants, first nation cultures and new immigrants ... from ALL over the planet.

To carve a unified Australian identity from all the diversity seems ludicrous and premature. My father seemed a thougthtful man to me. He was concerned about social justice, war and peace, (as a naval man) and the sea and landscape and respect and companionship. In my ward file they said he was vio lent and Schizophrenic. I did visit him in hospital, but never saw those other things as he was mainly concerned with education and doing the right thing by me. Our standard of living became less and less as he became "sick", but some of his sickness seems to be anger at having his children taken away ... it was only expressed in those contexts as he was not a wild drinker or brawler ... tho not a prickly tea totaller.

As I have said before I like Australian literature as that helps me understand, but I will not be celebrating the public holiday, have some sympathies to those who call it invasion day, but also wary of fanning any political or real flames in these delicate times.

Yeah ... lots of thinking about the normal thing ...

Starts with Bell curves ...

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