Fragile

Thanks @Meowmy

@Zoe7 and sometimes we just do not know as there are so many things happening.

Gentleigh Bentleigh

@Meowmy

The forums can be soothing when one feels they can resonate with someone or a lot of people. I have felt many different things about being on here over the years. Needy, determined, triggered, a sense of oneness, dutiful, and something I also needed - a bit of fun. Glad it seems soothing.

Certainly too much happening for me lately @Appleblossom

@Zoe7 Would you be interested in doing some artwork or journalling around your relationship with your mentor. Sometimes it can be good to do things quickly, other times waiting ...it could focus and give outlet to some of your grief.

I think the sensation of not being enough, can be part of what causes us to reach out in relationship or friendship. A realisation we are perpetually incomplete in some way, but it can be crried without internal harsh judgement.

I have gotten it together to finish the movie Train to Lisbon. I was so shocked by the violence to the pianist, but mostly it is an interesting movie dealing sensitively with a difficult period. I never did European History so I am always trying to catch up ...

A lady I met last month playing music together, died. I knew she was ill with cancer, but I did not expect her to die within a week. That was shocking, and surprising. The funeral happened in another city, but her husband was not surprised The group is doing things to help with their grief ... I found some writing of hers on the net, which helped me. I had been in a false hope land with my interaction with her.

Maybe finding a way to channel your feeling with a private ritual or action It is what matters to you, that counts.

@outlander

here is ok @Appleblossom
its just some of the things with pop. im not going to give up my carers roles but being around him and his habits is becoming so tiring. i know the things he does he doesnt intentionall do but its draining like hearing him repeat himself so many times that i know what hes going to say or how his senstences end before he finishes or having to repeat myself so many times a day. he also doing things like leaving taps on or after his shower he will turn the taps on and walk out and forget that hes done it, or goes 'missing', and i havent really mentioned it but he keeps missing the toilet sometimes now when he pees so im in there disinfecting at least once a day.



im also abit worried about when the hospital is going to ring for the reproductive things- they need to check for cervical cancer cells and further investiagte other things happening that are very close to pcos and endometriosis as well. i havent heard back yet and i was suppose to in april. its making me abit unsettled waiting for that phone call.

re hospital, I think it a good idea if you do check on them, (phone or email) as they are 2 months over. Having womens health questions hanging around makes anybody anxious. I did have dysplasia of cervix in my early 20s and it was treated and never returned. I get that you may have more things, so reason to deal with it. I have a tendency to face and deal with, get practical etc.

Does your pop have a personal carer come in? or nurse checks? I feel You are too young to be doing that for your grandfather. I never got that personal with mine. Perhaps Council or district nursing could be more involved. Nursing homes are very expensive for the govt, so often they will do a lot to support a older person staying home without it all falling on your shoulders.

Are you goin back to study or doing anything for yourself .... an art class?

@outlander

re forum

it is hard to be surrounded by a lot of hurting. It can be draining. Hearing about sad stories and not being able to help is also frustrating. There is a thing called vicarious trauma. We all need some kind of shield. You have reached out warmly to so many people. You dont have anything to prove. Nor anything to feel bad about that you have not done enough. You need to fill your own bucket. We cant always get reciprocal relationships happening so in my vision, I just hoped I was doing something useful and had my first experince of being accepted as a whole person..

We cant be Atlas holding up the world.

I will post a self care pic on your thread. Its not just a list of activities, but also a framework. In a carer role, you need to find what feeds your spirit. WIthout my music and zoo I would not have anything to give.