Fragile

Oh @Appleblossom

I thought I would respond here, I hope that is ok?

I am so sorry to hear of what's happening, you must be understandably beside yourself!? I am yet to decide if it's two steps forward, one step back or reverse, perhaps a bit of both 😔

My thoughts and love are with you Apple as you navigate this hurdle. Always here if you need an ear.

🙏💛💕

Dear @Appleblossom

Oh this stuff is so hard to deal with isn't it..

I am not sure whether your son has a diagnosed illness or not.. I know that he possibly has psychosis.

The system does not help or provide follow up..

My son as you know has a very serious long term untreated illness without any medical support...only medicated when hospitalised..

My son is on phone daily to me for lengthy periods and keeps on ringing back..

I am worn out from it all as am not allowed to respond or comment without being verbally attacked..

It is his birthday soon which he does not acknowledge and is very angry about.

Am holding the week open just in case..

I think that he is trying to reach me through the psychosis around this..

I am not a qualified medical specialist so am not equipped to handle this on a daily basis sometimes 20 times a day..

I take time out at intervals..

Then am left trying to reassure myself.

It is the nature of the beast..

@Anastasia I read somewhere about your son and possible meet up with unsavoury person from past. I believe that this is common...They drift back and of course unsavoury characters are always hanging in the background to take advantage..I know of a young cousin of my sons who follows this path.

They are adults who have to live their lives..

I am now at a stage where I can only help by listening up until the point of abuse.

Some of what he talks about makes me want to throw up about past experiences he has had.

I cannot of course differentiate between reality and hallucination or delusion..

I know that it is his illness talking and that he is still there...

I know that they know that we love them and support them...We are their mums and our love will always be there..

In the interim we can try to support one another as mums...

by being aware that there are some similarities..

Carers organisation does not seem to be equipped to do this..

They just lump us into groups and expect us to muddle through supporting each other when all at worn out stage.

friendships formed.

This is not support from an organisation that is funded by the government to support carers..

We are in the too hard basket..

I will be stepping into the background and staying on usual thread...possibly do some writing if helps me and I feel creativity..

I will also visit here if acceptable by you both..

The other thing I realise and understand is that you might be in overload yourself @Appleblossom and not need to read about any others' current ...ongoing experiences..

Let me know if this is the case...I will certainly understand

@Anastasia I am aware that you have support elsewhere also..

Thank you @Anastasia for taking initiative an posting here. It means a lot.

@Sophia1

You are both always welcome.

There are many diagnoses in my family, but part of the problem is the trauma involved in those diagnoses has not been adequately managed. My son's current therpaist is trying, but becasue of the FAILURE of many others to do their job ... it is still spiralling out of control... it is a case of a stitch in time saves nine ....

Hearing you about the cluelessness of many of the Carer's services.

"

Carers organisation does not seem to be equipped to do this..

They just lump us into groups and expect us to muddle through supporting each other when all at worn out stage.

friendships formed."

and

"I was talking to Carers about this very subject this morning...

I have been referred to Skylight not sure what will come of that..

am sick of workshops

online courses.."

I totally get this.

Your son is very high maintenance. Draining and The issues around birthdays plkay out in my family's situation. Also the one high functioning and the other at odds with the system. So Something is going on ....IMO It is about the lack of family focus in society and the presumptions of a kind of managerese ... that presumes more capability than they deliver. Which is devastating when you are a loved one.

I wont tell the story of last night. It is too hard, and folds into my trauma memories of both my father, brother and ex husband. Yes. People often forget that it is usually the women who are taking their male loved ones to the hospital. These days to be met with a concrete wall of inhuman and inadequate "protocol".

I have had a bit of 'carer' support but it has been way out of whack with what could be honestly helpful. It has not given me much but an ear, with nothing to say, but she is decent and not arrogant, patronising, detached or complacent like many in the profession.

I first contacted a carer group in the late 1980s, as I was a spousal and sibling carer at the time, and they were all mothers, it was not a good fit. It was in experimental times, so others may have benfitted as they slowly have begun sibling support groups etc ...

About 10 years ago I thought I would try agaiin and approached another carer's group for my son, but was triggered by a dominant Dutch lady. There was no point me being there or sharing, she knew everything from her point of view, so I did not and never returned.

A problem with the services is that they do not have proper feedback, and have a culture that is so seriously disconnected from reality and compassion. I came on line here and became a keyboard warrior for Mental Health in my own unique way.

Neither of us have had proper sleep atm. It is what it is. If his leg does not really need hospital attention that is good. I will manage it.

Love Apple

@Appleblossom 👂❣️

@Sophia1 💛

Been in garden and did 5 laps of my street on my new/old bicycle. Reorganised a social commitment here for this week, as I do not trust the situation to be good for frail elderly that were coming.

My heart is in my mouth. I am exhausted. Tried taking him to an ED for a physical injury but mental health mania was too out of whack. It is in the lap of the gods. Nothing else I can do.

Oh hugs @Appleblossom

You and your boy are in my heart. Praying for a shift in the right direction.

Is it a full moon?

Mine is giving me much grief right now, bad decisions and now he won't talk to me, he's like a clam - it's like a stack of cards ready to collapse. Heart also in throat 😔

Big hug from one exhausted Mumma to another who gets it 😔🤗❣️

@Sophia1

Dear @Appleblossom

I wrote a lengthy response.....tears blurring the words...

pain pouring out onto the page...

anguish...

despair

a never ending supply of love..

Your beautiful son is suffering from being dragged through a broken system..

My son has his own experiences ....too painful to write about and for you to read..

You have your own pain....

You are spot on when you say it is the trauma endured at times where caring support should take place.

You know..

This is why my son has been on the run for 7 years....

he knows how to play their game...how to answer the questions..how to behave the way that they want.

he moves on again...another tick...he is fine they say..

I want to tell your son how brave he is...that he is a survivor...worn out and terrified yes....he is still with you...your love is helping him through these challenges..

I want you to feel the love I send for you both...

nothing will take that away...

The one feeling that I experience the most in amongst all of the huge, distorted mess...is so very alone with it all..

I cannot do much for you via a virtual world..

I can let you know this though.

You are not alone...I am here with you...even when not on the forums...I am always here with you..

@Anastasia @Bunniekins

We can all be here for one another..

Not even a broken system can take that away from us..

We will have more inner strength...courage....resilience..

We are mums who defend our lion cubs..

@Sophia1 @Appleblossom @Anastasia Love to you three. Son2 is totally delusional. His delusions are building weapoms of all kinds to destroy these beings who are attacking his imaginary friends ..... he carries all kinds of weapons with him on a daily basis .... I often wonder where this is leading. No where good I suppose ...

@Emelia8 Sweetheart hope you are okay.Thinking of you this holiday season.xxx

Oh pea, I'm sorry 😔

That is a concern.

How is your health sweetheart, I didn't realise you were out of hospital @Bunniekins 💚