Fragile

This has got to be one of my favourite songs of all time. So happy to see it here!

@Mazarita

@Former-Member

Growing up I was surrounded by lots of strong opinions about music. One good thing about now, is that I can actually choose my favourites.

Ten years ago someone asked me my favourite and I could not say. Things had never been relaxed enough to have that feeling or look around and have the luxury to make a statement about me, but now I can. I am allowed to be alive .... and have favourites.

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Hi @Appleblossom your post reminds me about the changes that have happened in me over a long time and through different phases, with my love of watching films and TV.

In some ways the best time was all through my childhood, many a time wagging school and watching Ivan Hutchinson's Midday Movies. Mum loved movies too. Those were the innocent times of discovering my own flows of what naturally attracted me, moved me, interested me and made me happy.

About age 22 I started studying media and from there things changed, a rite of passage to an expanded and shared appreciation of movies with others. Peer pressure about tastes and values naturally started to arise. There's good and bad in that.

But, similar to what you have described, I started to lose track of what I really enjoyed about watching films somewhere along the way, partly from hanging out with too many impressive, highly intellectual and passionate film lovers.

Glad you are heading towards a richer life with your own pleasures in music. To be honest I still feel a bit stuck in that state of disconnection from what I really like in media viewing, not completely but I too would like to refind greater pleasure and interest in this again.

Hi @Zoe7 hope you are finding some enjoyment, out of touch with how you are these days. Always well wishes.

Hi @Former-Member happy to hear that about 'Black is the Colour...' being one of your favourite songs, as with me.

Busy with work and fur babies @Mazarita ...and some physical issues to deal with but getting there. Hugs and hugs to you

@Appleblossom Love and hugs to you too Hon

@Mazarita @Zoe7

I kind of was triggered by your post about childhood good times Maz, tho I know you never intended it, and I dont want to stop you from posting and being you, just as you are.

I really never had many. I got by on the few positive memories I had, but they were in the hours, not much more than a week total maybe ..., as mostly I was forced to work one way or another, caring for youngers, sewing, or outside earning money, and mother played mindgames about the abandonment and my supposed "evil". Even yesterday, my spt wkr took a while to get that I was working on my farm holidays. I said I did not mind it, appreciated it as it taught me things, but now I realise they were embarrassed when I visited with lots gratitutde as a young mum.

You worked "For money?" he asked a few times ... "No" ... but he did not get it, and had to keep asking. No I kept saying. Its why I am a bit antsy about the whole work thingummy, and people actually doing their job.

@Mazarita I love your artistic values, our connection and love that we went to the same night spot a few times, but for me it was fitting in with work girlfriend rather than me knowing anything about rock or pop music and actually wanting to see the bands. Never heard of them! lol I was not allowed to listen to radio not abc and classical. Hugs hope life improves for you.

@Zoe7 Glad your work is going well, I am sure it will include lots of creativity.

Hugs to you and furbabies. I am still without them, prefering to love everyone else's furbubs for the moment ...

Hugs

@Appleblossom I am more than happy to share my fur babies with their Auntie Apple

Very much hearing about your childhood and how much you had to do It really is so sad the way you were treated and all the responsibilities you had to take on - it is inexcusable but I am also very much in awe of who you have become and the strength you have

Hi @Appleblossom, thanks for your kindness in the way you have let me know about having been triggered, and the lovely things you said as well.

Hi @Zoe7, went for a walk in a park with my support worker and her little dog today, a mostly black with some white shiatsu/maltese cross. The dog and I have become friends over the three or four times we've met so far. My support worker is now bringing him into our therapy. He was lying close next to me, head on my arm,during a guided meditation there a few weeks ago. Lovely feeling, happy friendly dog.

@Mazarita

You were the first one who said to me I was triggering myself. At the time, I had so many conflicting things going on. EG ... with music ...to play with feeling ... what does that mean ... to have empathy and feel what another is going through ... There were simply too many very BIG feelings for me to process over a very long time ... and then there is the spiritual/ therapueutic ideal of being WHOLE. Also being told I am too much in my head and that too intellectualise is a symptom. WTF Nothing I would try would help, so I had to unpack from First Principles . .. eg life cycle stages and coming to terms with my version of DISSOCIATION etc etc ... and then the shifts in understanding regarding psychology since my first degree. NONE of my therapists have seemed to have much insight, because my conditions of life were so far from their concepts of middle class living. What kept me going was MY commitment to keeping my appointments, rather than what went on inside the clinical rooms. Not saying they were all bad, but I think next one I am going to be very slow in divulging my issues, and see if they do some work in the session, rather than fake niceness, being paid for it anyway, and harbouring their secret prejudices, and not doing the work. Til now I have not had the luxury of holding back. The psychologist who abused me April 2020 is now board certified as supervisor. I am concerned she will make more mistakes and teach others the wrong thing. My GP keeps repeating, like a mantra to me, that I am normal in abnormal circumstances. She has seen with her own eyes files I showed her: 1) my father's inquest, 2) my ward file 3) Supreme Court docs. She knows I do not catastrophise.

@Zoe7

I also got triggered by the love of animals talk on here early on, (cos I realise my family got a lot less) but tried to be positive and proactive, not reactive. I then decided to join local zoo and had 4 wonderful years volunteering there, which you guys have heard about. I always loved animals too but never really had proper pets growing up, just one cat I fed on the street, that died from car accident within months, it was CBD, and we buried it. So my head when vulnerable, gets in those spaces of everything passing and back to the realities of dirt and graves. It does take a lot of psychological work from me not to take things personally, put the past behind me, and still engage with others in a healthy manner. At times though I have to reconnect to all my deep genuine feelings. Work in Progress ... ah ...

@HenryX @MDT @Historylover @Last-Lament @rivergal @eth @SJT63 @chibam @TheVorticon @AussieRecharger @bipolarbunny

I ask you all because you have been thoughtful about some of my random posts.

What do you think of these Principles of Recovery:

https://store.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/d7/priv/pep12-recdef.pdf

I like that is includes "Addresses Trauma". For me that has been a surprisingly long journey. It took me places I never expected. God I hope I am getting there. My previous post indicates some part of my unpacking life and trauma beyond a mere MH label.

@Appleblossom I'm so sorry you have experienced all of this, I'm so sorry that there is so much inhumanity towards each other across the world. I cannot understand how people can be so cruel and dismissive of others, in any way.

I have struggled to even realise that what I experienced had a name, and that it was not supposed to be normal.

My experience with therapists/ psychologists/ psychiatrists/ counsellors and religious advisors (I've pretty much tried everywhere), was that they simply had no comprehension of my experience, yet, like you, I had evidence of these things through legal processes. To them I was not telling the truth, because these things, to their sheltered minds, could not have occurred.

It happened again last year with another psychologist, and now I've had to give up, I can't fight anymore. I commend you for continuing your journey to reach your goal.

I'm reading the information in the link, but wanted to reply to this post before moving onto that side of things.

I do hope I have no overstepped anything or caused you offense with my post here.