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Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

brookeyCasual Contributor21 Dec 2015, 9:59 pm AEDT

Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

Hey everyone,

This is my first post here, but I was told maybe sharing my experiences in this forum might be helpful for me.

I'm currently really struggling to cope with my depression this year. I am 25, but have been having problems with depression on and off since I was 17. When I was younger I found it easier to have hope for the future, but recently I've found it a lot harder to see any sort of hope for the future.

I especially find it hard to cope at this point in my life because most of my friends are getting into long-term relationships, meanwhile I haven't even managed to have a relationship that has lasted for longer than 6 months! I have had a bit of a rocky start to relationships as my first time was not consensual, so I feel very hopeless when I think about whether I will be able to meet someone who will be happy to take things slowly with me, and who will be okay with me not having as much experience as most other 25 year olds. This makes me feel very lonely (as I have less opportunities to hang out with friends), and very sad as at the moment I can't see any future for myself, and I feel like I will be alone forever.

I can see I have some things going for me (I am quiet friendly, sociable, empathetic, *hopefully* somewhat funny, I'm doing a phd so am somewhat intelligent).. However, to me all these things seem to be outweighed by my lack of experience in relationships and the fact I feel that nobody has ever been able to love and accept me for who I am (including my family).

I would love to hear from people who might have some ideas on how to foster hope in regards to the recurrent depression and feelings of being alone forever.

Thanks so much,

Brooke

11 replies

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In response to: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

Unknown userMember21 Dec 2015, 10:07 pm AEDT

Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

Hi Brooke,
Welcome to the forums - you sound like you're talking about me in so many ways... My first (and most recent) experiences weren't consensual either and I've never had a successful relationship although I did marry someone and have two kids (he was violent and abusive) I find myself in a similar situation looking at the future and feeling lost. I have a masters degree and have found the academic world so much easier to understand than the social world. I have found these forums to be helpful though as there are people here who 'get it' and understand more. I'm glad u are here and I hope you find some support,
Lj

In response to: Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

brookeyCasual Contributor21 Dec 2015, 10:39 pm AEDT

Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

Thanks so much for your reply - I really appreciate it. It is always good to hear from other people who have been in similar positions and situations! I am sorry though to hear about your difficulties with your previous relationships. That sounds really tough - I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like having an abusive partner. I hope that things have gotten a little better for you now, even if right now you are feeling lost and unsure about the future. I think that relationships can be a really hard thing to struggle with as so much relies on another person, and sometimes it feels like there is less you can do by yourself to change the situation. Have you found that there have been any strategies that have helped you get through this tough time?

Brooke 🙂

In response to: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

Unknown userMember21 Dec 2015, 11:02 pm AEDT

Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

Yes it is so much about balance and respecting one another I think. My kids and I are living in a shelter at the moment and things have been really tough - I left my ex 2 and a half years ago though!! It's a long journey to get through all the crap that comes with leaving, courts etc.
I have a psychologist who has been wonderful and helped me through a lot. I've also had to learn to accept help that's offered this year after becoming really unwell in January. So I have a support worker as well who visits as needed. I'm hoping to go back to work next year as I need some more purpose and routine in my life and to meet new adults. I really don't have many friends (especially where we are now) and loneliness and feeling unconnected to the world is really hard. My kids are 4 and 7 years old, I'm 31.
I also trying to do more mindfulness to manage my anxiety, do colouring, daily progressive muscle relaxation.
I'm a teacher /was a teacher but have studied a lot of literacy/linguistics/child development of language stuff since finishing university and been involved in some studies looking at how children learn in s multi modal environment/world. What are you doing your phd in? (If u don't mind sharing?)

In response to: Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

AppleblossomSenior Contributor22 Dec 2015, 12:01 am AEDT

Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

Welcome to the forums @brookey

Relationships are difficult when things have started out a bit tricky, yet dont assume all other 25 year olds know more than you ... there are 30 year old virgins walking around even in this day and age ... of both sexes.

For me family, music, nature, learning and other people help give me hope ... and my cats.

Keep recognising your achievements and find out the emotionally fulfilling things that work for you.

In response to: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

AmandaContributor23 Dec 2015, 9:12 pm AEDT

Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

There are men out there who would be willing to take things slowly. My ex was one of them (we broke up for other reasons), but if you just explain how you feel you might be surprised at how easy going some men can be. At 25 your still in the prime of life and you probably don't know it now, but there will be plenty of opportunities coming where you can meet someone special. If you can truly love and accept yourself then other people will follow, it's just human nature. It can be lonely doing things on your own but take it as an opportunity to challenge and better yourself. This is about your happiness, not about the people who don't accept you.

In response to: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

jamesle2015Senior Contributor25 Dec 2015, 8:55 pm AEDT

Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

What is your PhD about?

In response to: Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

brookeyCasual Contributor27 Dec 2015, 4:24 pm AEDT

Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

Ironically doing a phd in psych! XD

In response to: Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

brookeyCasual Contributor27 Dec 2015, 4:34 pm AEDT

Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

Thanks very much for your reply Appleblossom I really appreciate it and apologies for the delayed reply!

Yeah, I think what is a little tricky for me now is that everyone in my social circles are all in long-term relationships so I guess sometimes it can be difficult to not end up feeling like I am the only one 😞

I will keep trying to feel more hopeful though... I think one of the hardest things about depression is that it's symptoms kind of cause of a bit of a vicious cycle. At the moment I just feel like all the interest and passion I had for things has just been zapped out of me, and even when I try and spend time doing those things I used to like, I still can't seem to enjoy anything at all - everything is just always sad, all the time.

I am just trying to be really hopeful that I haven't tried medication, and maybe considering the length of time I've been dealing with this and the fact I haven't gotten better through just therapy and lifestyle changes alone might mean that I might be a good candidate for antidepressants.. Will be having my fingers cross because at the moment it's getting pretty hard to see any sort of hope for the future 😞

In response to: Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

brookeyCasual Contributor27 Dec 2015, 4:37 pm AEDT

Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

Thanks for replying to my thread Amanda, I appreciate it!

In response to: Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

brookeyCasual Contributor27 Dec 2015, 4:51 pm AEDT

Re: Finding hope in the face of depression and loneliness

Thanks lisajane for your lovely reply and so sorry for the late response by me (it's been a rough couple of days).

First of all, I hope that despite your current circumstances that you and your kids were able to enjoy Christmas at least a little bit - living in a shelter would be so incredibly hard, but from your messages I can see how you must be so brave and resilient to be coping with all of these things going on! Definitely an inspiration!

I agree with you about how a good psychologist is really important. I am very lucky that I managed to find a really good psychologist who I feel supported by and who I feel really understands me. I am glad that you have found such a wonderful psych too! What do you want to do for work? Do you plan on going back to teaching? That must be such a rewarding and fulfilling job (even though I can imagine it must be stressful at times!). I'm doing my PhD in psychology at the moment... it's good, but I think at the moment with my mental health I am finding it quite hard to maintain the motivation that I used to have in regards to completing my thesis. I'm really hoping though, that next year if I end up starting on medication maybe it will help give me that extra boost to get back to my normal self!

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