A rough day at the veladrome of life

Hi People,

I'm new here. I've only been hospitalised in a mental hospital once so the medication has kept me sane for over 10 years but today I'm struggling. Really struggling.

Two things have caught me off guard today.

I caught up with my daughter last night, which was wonderful. She's such a loving, supportive and spritely character to have around. She's contageous. She now lives 1 hour away and with work and life I see her far less than I'm accustomed to. So I miss her heaps.

The other thing getting to me today is my mate, who has a mental illness but who is generally quite grounded, has become manic again. We spend hours on the phone each day just passing the time. His state of mind has been deminishing over the last 1-2 weeks and today he really fell off the edge. It will be months now before I have my old-self mate back again. He will be hospitalised in the coming 48 hours.

I can't seem to stop the tears. My head hurts. I've not shed tears like this for a very very long time. I just thought if I write about it, it might help. I've just popped a couple of painkillers. I've really been caught off guard this time 'round.

There are a few aspects to my illness. Depression is one part, which in cooler months travels fine. Unfortunately, as always happens in summer, I experience a lot of depression so I'm just coming out of that now, given the season is changing. I had a very late breakdown in life and subsequent diagnosis of my illness so I'm getting on in years. But I don't look a day over 40.. nudge nudge wink wink.

It's amazing how the body can go into a state of duress/stress. I just want to curl up on the bed in the foetal position or better still just sleep the rest of the day away. I've just thrown some tunes on so hopefully that helps.

I've got a lovely little puppy here to keep me company. I figured if life has dealt you the single life card, why not get a dog. But he's not one to hold down a conversation with. He's learnt several tricks and has some real sass. Very blessed. Anyway, that is to digress.

Let me close by paraphrasing Wayne Bennett's words. Thinking about ploughing doesn't get the job done. You have to plough plough plough.

Regards

Tommy92