Sounds of Silence

Not a good night @Shaz51 I am struggling with using alcohol to self-medicate and it is becoming a real problem.

Hi @CherryValentine.
I also struggle with self medication - with alcohol.
Over the last few months I have reduced downto 2 to 3 glasses of bbourbon and coke a day. But it's not been easy.
Monday late afternoon I realised I hadn't had a drink yet - I drink morning, early afternoon normally. So I decided to just not drink. Day 2 & 3 were bad. Needed a little calming down pill. But today is day 5. Not craving it as I was earlier in the week. But having to keep busy and avoid boredom.
So I understand how you may be feeling. I'm happy to talk anytime.

Thanks @utopia I'm feeling like I've struggled back and forth for so long that I'm now seeing how my alcohol addiction has delayed my healing journey and prevented my dreams. I keep making terrible choices and have risked my relationship. I go well for a little while, then I have a set back that I find hard to come back from. I can't blame anyone but myself. I'm sick of me. Sick of choosing alcohol over life. Very frustrated tonight.

Always too much @Shaz51 😟

@CherryValentine. I know what you mean about choosing alcohol over everything else. But try to go easy on yourself. You may well be struggling with an addiction to alcohol or have developed a habit of using alcohol to not think or feel - or maybe both. It's hard when we are used to drinking. Because alcohol does help us relax - 1 or 2 glasses. But it messes with our mental illness. I know for me, I am unable to move out of a depressive episode while drinking. Even one glass a day is too much for me. We are probably similar. I have given up a few times. A few weeks here - a few months there. But we can't beat ourselves up. So you had a drink or 6 or more. Tomorrow is another new day. A new chance to try again. And every time we try, we get a little better at it. I'm an everyday drinker. My sister used to be a volume drinker (not allowed to use the other word on this forum). She'd go for 4 days without any alcohol and then drink in one night, what I would drink in a week. We are all different with how we use alcohol. But we are all drinking for the same reasons. To forget. To numb. Or to feel. The psycholigist I see used to be a drug and alcohol counselor. So he's given me the info I need. The rest, as you said, is up to me. Not having the first drink is the hardest. Would you like to try and not have that first drink tomorrow? Or Monday? It's up to you. You have done it before. You can do it again. I believe in you.

Thank you @utopia your encouragement and experience help a lot. I will try today, I didn't sleep last night. Lots of tears but it was a relief to just cry, to feel things. Happy easter, I hope you have a lovely day. ☺️

Happy Easter to you too @CherryValentine

Hi @WideWhale320

Sorry it took me a while to reply. Easter was busy but I managed to avoid alcohol! I'm sorry you feel like a waste of time. The truth is none of us are a waste of time or space and all of us have a reason to be here. For some of us it's just a lot harder to fighter out. You can chat to me on here any time, please know that you're not alone, that I've had the same thoughts and struggled to be social.