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Coping with social anxiety

Jaz4Casual Contributor22 Mar 2018, 5:52 pm AEDT

Coping with social anxiety

Hi all,
I’m new here and thought this looks like I great way to engage with people who might be going through similar things. I’ve had anxiety for most of my life - social anxiety and generalised but have also been diagnosed with OCD in the past year (just to add another to mix..). I’m at the point of managing my ocd ok with the help of a great therapist. But now it’s the social anxiety that’s really getting to me...it’s sometjing that was really bad when I was a teenager but hasn’t been as much as a concern in the past few years (though it was still there in certain situations). Having started my first professional job it’s a major problem for me right now. I’ve only really just started speaking to my psych about it (mostly because I’ve had a lot of self stigma/shame towards myself for this particular anxiety disorder), but I just don’t feel like I have any useful strategies to manage the symptoms (e.g mind blurring/getting mental blocks, when I talk to people, stammering, almost panic attacks when talking in groups, forgetting what people say to me as I’m so consumed with anxiety. Does anyone who has had similar experiences have any suggestions of how they managed their social anxiety? What’s worked? What hasn’t? I know it’s different for everyone but any ideas would be greatly appreciated. as I’m feeling stuck at the moment

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In response to: Coping with social anxiety

Unknown userMember27 Mar 2018, 3:58 pm AEDT

Re: Coping with social anxiety

Guard cat - love it @Appleblossom

In response to: Coping with social anxiety

Jaz4Casual Contributor27 Mar 2018, 4:57 pm AEDT

Re: Coping with social anxiety

Hi @Appleblossom. Thanks for your post. It’s really nice to hear that having children has helped you! I’ve had that thought before, that maybe if or when I have a child (though at the moment I’m not in a position to do that), maybe I would focus all my energy on the child and these thoughts wouldnt hold so much meaning and interfere to much. On the flip side, I’ve also worried that my intense anxiety will make me over worry as a parent (though I am aware worrying is a normal part of it), and that my worry would ultimately affect the child’s development and wellbeing. It’s all just a big question mark for me at the moment but I’m going to try to skill myself up emotionally as much as I can before I go down that path.

Your point about regular exposure compliments a big learning curve for me with my psych this week. We talked about how I have this way of exposing myself TOO much to things I’m uncomfortable with. I’ve always pushed my self so hard to throw myself in the deep end, but as you said by saying “not too overwhelming”, it’s important to have self care and push yourself gradually. I’ve been creating sooo much anxiety for myself when I’m pushing myself to do things when Im not ready for it that I don’t get the outcomes I want, reinforcing my lack of confidence and increasing my anxiety the next time I try to do something uncomfortable. I hope this all makes sense. So now my strategies is.... little steps at a time which is starting to take the pressure off.
It cant imagine what it would be like hearing/talking about these things with your son, but glad to hear he’s understanding. Thank you so much for sharing this all with me. It’s really helped knowing that if I choose to be a parent one day it can potentially help these sorts of things.

In response to: Coping with social anxiety

Jaz4Casual Contributor27 Mar 2018, 5:01 pm AEDT

Re: Coping with social anxiety

Hi @Former-Member. Better this week thanks for asking. I feel like I’ve definitely learnt some new strategies and perspectives on things. How are you?

In response to: Re: Coping with social anxiety

AppleblossomSenior Contributor27 Mar 2018, 5:48 pm AEDT

Re: Coping with social anxiety

@joeblowI thought your post was great How are you doing?

@Jaz4Parenting is a huge task and mental illness aint easy when parenting, but yes, take it a step....

Originally I did not have a safety metre. I simply did not understand what others thought/knew were risks. I had to face life as it came at me. I tended to sink or swim and sometimes went under and sometimes stayed afloat.

The experience of regular exposure of small bits I used to manage my performance anxiety in singing. A performance every week meant that after a while it came around too often to get too worried about. Just do the best I/you can.

I did that for 7 years (with a few weeks off here & there) and now on reflecting it was putting that theory to the test. My confidence as a singer became stronger than my confidence to be alive as a person ... but it has helped me find reasons to keep keeping on and learn some of the mysteries of life.

In response to: Coping with social anxiety

Sarah4New Contributor12 Apr 2018, 1:31 am AEST

Re: Coping with social anxiety

Hi all,

i have also struggled with social anxiety for only a few years, I have always found myself unable to be in social situations without freaking out or bringing on a panic attack, and I was always just paranoid that people were talking behind my back and paranoid that no one would like me until someone started rumours and gossip about me behind my back. My first reaction was a full blown panic attack and like the sweats and heat flushes, migraines, nausea, all the not so fun stuff. But from this I had the realisation that if I kept worrying about everyone else then this will keep happening. So I stopped. I stopped doing things that I thought would make others like me. I stopped trying to hear every conversation so that I could be sure that I wasn’t being talked about. And as I stopped so did the panic attacks. Of course I still am so afraid of publi situations but I try so hard to not be and I think that’s the best I can do.

a few tips from my experience-

stop wasting your time thinking so hard
every time you go to worry just force a smile until it becomes genuine
take deep breaths when you have a panic attack and focus on someone else
force your self into scary things e.g speak first in orals, go on a date, go out with friends, attend parties
DO NOT LET SOCIAL ANXIETY CONTROL YOU
social anxiety isn’t ever gone but you can mute it while you let the rest of your life play out

i hope this helps, good luck x

In response to: Coping with social anxiety

ChristheartSenior Contributor08 May 2022, 7:16 pm AEST

Re: Coping with social anxiety

Hey @Jaz4

I struggle with this too. It's horrible and can make me feel very insecure. What I've been telling myself lately is that it's ok to be shy or quiet. And I've been really trying to not be consumed with what other people think of my lack of social skills. What matters is my spirit, and my kindness, not how much I can say or entertain. I hope this helps x

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