Feeling lost

HI,

I think we all feel like this. I'm very fortunate to have wonderful people looking after me. I get into trouble for being 'too caring' and my supporters have helped me learn to look after me first. It feels selfish doing this but it is a must.

Would it be beneficial for your children to get support too? Everyone has friends, but they don't understand. A professional understands and can provide great information on the issues and how to deal with it.

I have learnt to separate myself, step out of myself and look at what is going on from outside the bubble. I think it's quite funny when I do this, like I've got a separate personality too. Anyhow it helps. You look at what's going on, what the trigger was and then you can put yourself somewhere safe and unravel.

Also you might find giving him some more space, give him responsibility, let him have small hurts might help relieve some tension. If he doesn't want to get out of bed and you want to go somewhere, you go, he'll most likely still be in bed when you get back. If he doesn't present well for work, let his work tell him he's got bad breath, his shirt is on backwards, etc. I'd never let my partner do major damage, but he's grateful that I'm not telling him what to do all the time. He's also very proud that I look after myself.

Try and ask him if you can sit down together and map out some boundaries, triggers, outcomes. We did this with the help of our pshycholgist and counsellor. We have a warning where I'll say I'm not comfortable with what's happening and then I save myself . When he's well again, we review what happened and see what we can do better next time. Everyday is a learning and growing day.

Remember to look after you. Find your safe spot whether it's exercising, gardening, take the kids out for ice cream, get your hair done, whatever works for you.

This forum is a great place to drop and gather support.

Take care.

Kawasaki

@Kawasaki

That's excellent advice.

Today I just let hubby do whatever he thought he should do in the carpark while trying to reverse. We sat in the space for about 15 minutes and he got very angry because he couldn't manage to get out without my help to tell him about traffic behind us. I told him if he wanted help he had to ask. He still didn't ask.

Then we drove straight past the house we're staying at and kept going for about 2km and I said nothing. And I got blasted for saying nothing again. But I've decided he gets to make his own mistakes and perhaps then he might realise what his problems are and it's not me picking on him like he thinks.

I'm not saying anything when he goes out with his face covered in food and filthy clothes he won't let me wash and they look like he slept in them, or when he can't work out where the door is to get in or out of a shop, or when he goes the wrong way when he walks out of a shop or where he left things he hasn't put away. So far, that's creating a lot of anger with him and he's blaming me.