Bullying

Ah yes, I moved it @TAB. @tabby I sent you an email about it - I hope this is the right place 🙂

@tabby, I don't think we have met before so welcome to the forums

I'm sorry to hear about your experience in your volunteer role. Moving to a new place can be difficult, especially a small place where everyone knows each other - I imagine getting out and doing some volunteering would be a great way to get to know some people and give back to the community at the same time.

Is there anyone you can talk to there about the bullying?

There are others here on the forums who have experienced bullying in work situations. You can read some previous discussions on the topic at the below links.

Workplace bullying - what to do about it

Bullied at work

I too am in a volunteer role and am wanting for friends.

The only thing I can say to you is that relationships between people are in a constant state of flux. One minute one person likes this other person, the next minute they're thoroughly sick of them. One day they like you, the next day they don't like you so much. One moment you might feel shy and slightly paranoid, and the next you might feel right at home.

That's been my experience, anyway. If any one person seems to dislike me I wait until next fortnight and it seems to be forgotten, and another, totally different person might dislike me while some others start to like me more. I pretty much bank on that flux. I use it to tell myself to go back because it'll probably be alright.

And if it isn't, I can always switch days - it'll probably be a new set of people.

Hi @tabby,

I think bullying is a really complex issue. I read somewhere that most bullies aren't even aware that they are bullying people!! It's just that their behavior or personality is such that it is easy to take offence to things they say or do. They may be abrupt or passive/aggressive without even knowing it, becuase it has become habitual behavior for them.

To be honest with you, I believe I have been bullied most of my life, in pretty much every job I've ever had! I don't believe I ever confronted a bully, other than trying to be super-nice to them, and when that didn't work, trying to avoid them or just sort of smile blankly at them and move on.

Yes, usually the bullies lose interest in me quickly. I am not a very reactive person (at least not on the outside). Internally, I am usually a bundle of nerves, but other people have told me that they apparently don't see it. They see me as very calm.

If you feel up to it, invite the bully out for a coffee after volunteering and ask her all about herself. You will probably find that she is a very a unhappy, confused, frustrated or anxious person.

This is not to say that bullies like this don't do a lot of harm! They absolutely do!

If you are not up to talking to her directly (I probably wouldn't want to do that, myself) then you might like to talk to one of your fellow volunteers about the situation, just to get another opinion on it. Try not to denigrate the bully in any way. Don't come straight out and say "She is a bully". Just say that you feel you might have a little 'personality clash' with her. That way you are not really pointing fingers, so to speak. You are making it a mutual problem.

Ok, this is sort of telling a 'little white lie' but it could be for the best.... especially if you want to stay there and keep volunteering.