Depleted, lonely and helpless wife reaching out in desperation...

Hi @Depleted

Welcome to Sane and thank you for sharing your story. You certainly have been through a very difficult time and it does sound like you may be suffering from burnout. I can relate being a carer and also having suffered depression myself. It's very important now for the sake of your husband and yourself to step back a bit now and get some rest for yourself. Perhaps see your husband every second day or have a weekend off - or work out an arrangement where you can get some much needed respite. Do you have family and friends for support? Have you discussed how you are feeling with your GP?

You may find the Mental Health Carers Australia a valuable contact for support and advice. I hope the treatments in hospital help your husband to beat his depression and everything gets better for you both soon.

@Depleted

I'm sorry to hear you are having a really hard time right now. I am a person who suffers terribly from depression, anxiety and PTSD, but there is no way I would ever ask or expect my husband to give up work and everything in his life to look after me 24/7. My honest opinion is that I feel your husband is expecting too much of you. Others on here may have a different view, but I feel it is very unfair and selfish of him that he expects you to give up everything in your life to look after him. I feel for your situation and I hope you can get some support from your GP or a counsellor to help you.

Dear @Depleted,

Welcome ! You are not alone out there. I care for my wife with complex PTSD and this forum has helped me so much by being part of it. Reading other people comments and experiences has been very helpful to me. I hope it will be for you too.

I get where you are at. I too am married to a beautiful man but I know after his last episode things had to change. I had to wait until he was ok again but explained to him how I was being burnt out and had compassion fatigue. I also explained that if I didn’t get to be who I am and have my own time for myself I would have a breakdown and then where would we be as he would have no one. The truth has to be spoken and acknowledged.

I have felt at times that I get lost in hubbies bi polar Aspergers paranoid world and am dominated by his mental health. It is very hard for my husband to understand that I am NOT Bi polar. That’s where the paranoia fits in.

I was the sole breadwinner for 9 yrs but am now retired as such due to physical disabilities of my own. In our situation we don’t have much but we are OK and it’s much less threatening psychologically speaking for my husband as he wasn’t dealing with the male ego side of things on top of everything else.

if you are crying yourself to sleep every night. ( been there) your body is telling you that you need a helping hand. Speak to your GP and arrange for counseling. Sometimes unloading with a total stranger is the way to go and will give you a little bit of very badly needed support.

Definately cut back on the visits as exhaustion comes in many forms. Traveling is a major one. Balance is what’s needed. He might not realize but he needs to have time alone to work on his health as much as we want to we can’t do it for them.

Big hugs and sunshine. 🌼

To “wait without thought”. The words are true. The lull between the madness, the still before the storm. Somehow that’s where the love is. X