International friend is in constant panic about my life.

Hi @Masta-what a awful predicament you and you friend are in. It seemed like the right thing to do to be open & honest with your friend (and you've incredibly honest and transparent here also; that's a brave thing to do), however, it has obviously had quite severe and adverse outcomes for your friend, but is distressing you as well. First of all, you are not responsible for your friend's reaction to your news. If you had of told them you had cancer they may have reacted the same way.

Perhaps what's needed is another open and honest conversation stating that you never meant to cause them so much distress, that you appreciate & value her support during these difficult times for you, and you will do your best to maintain your safety but your mind often takes you to dark places & you feel overwhelmed, helpless and hopeless. Perhaps ask her what she knows about mental illness as many people don't have a lot of knowledge, and often rely on stigmatised & stereotypical views. This could be a good opportunity to help educate your friend about what you are going through. You could even email her some resources.

Perhaps too you could set up an agreement with her to have regular contact every one or two days via social media like Facebook Messenger or What's App. I have a foster sister as my main support. She lives a few hours away, and she contacts me several times a day. Due to my recent serious attempts, if I don't answer within a certain time or if I send a message saying can I call you, she does start to worry a lot. It's understandable because she cares a great deal about me. So setting up regular contact can reassure your friend. The messages don't need to be to deep. They can simply say I'm ok today, I'm managing alright or I'm not ok, I'm struggling a little or a lot. Let her know too what support systems you have in place, and if you have a safety plan, and you feel comfortable sharing it with her, email it to her. It will further reassure her.

Sorry this response is so epic. But cutting off a good friendship will be traumatic for you both when it can possibly be salvaged. There's lots and lots of support here, so you could also let her know you have online support from peers with lived experiences. I'd probably refrain from telling her the site as anyone could look it up and perhaps discover your identity & read private information you might kl not otherwise share.

If you want to respond to this post or ask fir any further help, questions or just chat please just make sure you put an @ in front of my user name ie @Sans911.

Please take the best care of yourself as you can.

Hi @Masta,

Welcome to the forums! Wow, this is quite a situation. I really feel for you as it's not at all easy to open up and reach out to a loved one. You showed a lot of courage in doing that and Im sorry to hear that things have turned out this way.

Agree with the great advice given by @Mazarita and @Sans911. I also hope that this experience wont desuade you from seeking support from friends or others in the future.

Any other forum members have difficult experiences when disclosing to friends/family?

I have had some over the top responses at times also from concerned group of friends who I regularly spoke to online. There was a couple of members from here and one decided to call all the emergency services on me in a panic, yet not one of the group thought to even ask me if I was ok, going to be ok, needed their support, any other support/help etc.... I think the best thing you can do is explain and show that you have a system in place to be able to get the different types of support you need in different circumstances.