Lost the battle

Hi Loulathecat

It's good to see you back on the Forums but I'm so sorry to hear how you are feeling at the moment.

There are people here on the Forums that care about you and from what I've read of your posts, a husband that loves you very very much so please don't feel like you don't belong or are a mess up.

If things are feeling too much, please give one of the below helplines a call. They're there to help you and you don't have to go through this alone.

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467

Samaritans: 135 247

Are you safe now Loulathecat? If you don't feel like you can keep yourself safe, it's important to call emergency on 000.

Please take care and let us know how you're going.

Hi @Former-Member

I'm sorry to read you're not doing so good.

To me it sounds like today was a real setback - but I don't see that you've lost the battle.

It sounds like your psychologist wants to properly prepare you for 'the battle' and thinks you need your medication to help you (like getting your armor on before battle... maybe I'm taking your battle analogy too far!). Rather than send you in unprepared.

There's so much new research and work done around trauma informed care , so I see a lot of hope for people who have been through trauma at a young age.

As @acacia has said, it's important to reach out to one of the crisis services if you feel things escalate.

Hi @Former-Member,

Sounds good to me that you were honest with your psych. It does seem like your diagnosis and talking about old family memories is contributing in a fairly big way to your low feelings. Your psych sounds like he was just taking care of you in not pushing that too much at the moment. I guess you are going to have different people saying it might be worth trying the medication. It's one of the things that can provide relief when we are in really dark places. I do understand how much you want to avoid medication though. I respect that you are trying to find a way out of your pain in some other way.

Many of us here on the forum have been in desperately deep dark places at times in our lives and know that it is possible to come out of the extremes of that, even if we're never in the perfect place. Don't give up. Maybe life's not about winning or losing a battle anyway. There are ways for you to come out of this but it may need a bit of patience too and a bit of 'riding out the storm'. I don't know the answers. I only know how it's been for me in the past.

I'm sorry you are so upset you are shaking. I hope that writing here and reading some responses helps with that feeling.

Hi @Former-Member

I actually have anger about being told to take more meds so that I can get along too ... I have been on varying doses ... sometimes minimal doses of antidepressants for about 13 years. my aim is still to get off them entirely but I m getting less harsh on my self about taking them to get through bad humps.

Sometimes the talking cure is better spread out over time ... not just getting to the bottom of it in 6 months.

It doesnt mean you will never improve .. the doctor might have just been easing into things and setting an expectation that its ok to talk about both light and heavy things ... that you can set the pace at which you unpack things with him.

I am more accepting of being on medication now as it has helped me to get to the bottom of a lot of issues.

Hi @Former-Member,

I just wanted to check in and see how you are doing today?

I was really sorry to read about how low you are feeling at the moment. It sounds like there is a lot going on for you and I imagine it would be really hard not knowing if it is possible to get past it all.

Sometimes psychologists aim to help you cope when things are really bad (using either medication, counselling, or both) before opening up deeper things that might be too overwhelming when you are already down. To me it sounds like that might be the case with your psychologist. I would encourage you to tell him how your last appointment left you feeling, and perhaps ask him to clarify his treatment approach so that you're both on the same page and you feel more hopeful.

I'm glad the supportive replies helped and that your husband rushed in to be there for you 🙂 I'm amazed you were able to get to work too!

How have the last couple of days been?

Take care,

Shimmer

Hi @Former-Member,

Wow that does sound like such a rollercoaster! I’m glad you are feeling a bit better than Friday, and that you are breathing and seeing things a bit more clearly I hope things continue in that direction, keep us updated.

It sounds like what you’re going through at the moment is really taking it’s toll on your body, so I agree that going to see your doctor is a really good idea. Do you also chat to your doctor about your mental health?

You seem to be running yourself into the ground not wanting to think and feel at the moment, it sounds so hard. I’m curious, are there any times when experiencing your thoughts and feelings seems less scary? If so, what are they like?

Keep looking after yourself,

Shimmer

Hi @katiebella,

Welcome to the SANE Forums! Thank you for jumping straight in and sharing your support for @Former-Member

It sounds like you have also been through many ups and downs. It seems like your perspective, of looking back at great times that followed down periods in the past when you had thoughts of ending it all, has been really powerful in keeping you going.

I love the way you describe knowing how both storms and rainbows come and go, but it always feels worth it to be around to enjoy the beautiful rainbows

@MoonGal actually came to a similar realisation about allowing bad weather to pass in her thread here, perhaps you’d be interested to take a look and share some of your thoughts @katiebella!

Once again, welcome @katiebella, please feel free to share more of your experiences (either here or by starting your own thread), we’d love to hear more from you!

Take care,

Shimmer