I am scared

Hi @Alone93, welcome to saneforums, you'll find lots of support here. What you describe does sound frightening. I'd feel the same. You have the good sense to know you need help (that's insight = hope) but understand the fear of losing your children, I've been there myself during stressful family court battles. Do you have family or friend you trust to take the children for a week? Give you a break? You need time out. If not, try create little breaks in every day. Its a difficult situation, you want to be the best mum possible, but to do this you need to look after you (SELF CARE). Don't wait 'till tjings fall apart - get support now. I promise you it will work out better this way.

You're mot "losing my mind" You're exhausted & overwhelmed & traumatised & because the distress is escalating - you're looking for escapes / ways out in unhealthy places (until u learn alternatives).

Well done reaching out here. You can also ring or email the @Former-Member for more helpful advise (see homepage).

You do need to see a doctor & get a referral to a psychologist asap. They will give you strategies to cope.

Try not to give yourself psychiatric labels (like bipolar) just yet.

Being a single mum is hard. It takes a village to raise a child - reach out for them.

Insomnia, suicidal ideation, anxiety, disassociation & crying a lot are all signs of depression, but also trauma (PTSD) - this is your wake up call. So pleased you're reaching out.

You do know what to say to the doctor but its hard to get the words out. Might i suggest you print up this post youve typed so well. It say it all.

It's unlikely you'll be admitted in the public system unless you say you're gonna go "end it" - they will help you find alternatives. Oh I do feel for you though, dragging 3 children around, try hard to find care so you can get proper counselling sessions.

Be kind to yourself Alone93 ❤❤❤

PS you're not alone 🌹

I can't really thank you enough for your kind words. I don't really have anyone who will watch them for me. I think your right about not giving myself labels I don't want to be diagnosed something I am not. I just want to feel normal. I am going to the doctors in the morning I'm just worried about my kids. I have been like this for years now it's just the past two months it's been constant extreme emotions that I have no respite from. It's taken over my whole day every single day. I really feel touched by your words though I have felt so alone and I was working myself up trying to fall asleep but this has really made me feel better.

Truly thank you I have no one to talk to.

Hi @Alone93, thanks for getting in touch with us. I want to wish you to warm welcome to SANE Forums.

It really sounds like you are going through a very tough time. As @Former-Member has said, please do prioritise your self-care alongside caring for your kids. I am glad that you are going to see your GP this morning. Please do get a mental health care plan so that you can get discounted sessions to see a psychologist.

If you are still struggling with any issues to do with domestic violence, you could reach out for support on a 24/7 counselling and support line called 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732.

I'm glad that you are reaching out to get support from us and also from health professionals in the community in person. Please don't hesitate to utilise the forums as a support.

Hi @Alone93 - i'm a single mama and have been through difficult times, a bit like what you're going through at the moment and it was terrifying when i reached out for help. I'm so glad that you are going to your gp, it shows that you are a good mum who is seeking support and help. I waited too long and did end up in hospital after an attempt. But i know that there are a lot of services that can support you through community mental health centres etc and not need be in hospital as an inpatient.... My biggest fear was also losing my kids and still fear this if i cant maintain my MI... but my psychiatrist took that into account as well and was supportive when giving me options for treatment (mostly!).
The Sane helpline and helpline chat are good for advice and support and can help to find available services in your area as well as lapses, while the moderator on duty is more here to ensure immediate safety and help to refer to crisis lines if needed.
Let us know how you go wtih the dr, if you want, I hope that things start to get a little easier soon for you.
Take care

@Alone93, wondering how you went today? Are you OK? Recovery is avprocess (6months to 2yrs or more), but every journey starts with a single step - you've done that today. And when you have setbacks (and we all do0, remember "two steps fwd one step back if s still progress" take care...