catching up

Oh i am so glad you looked them up, yes most chemists stock them, just make sure they have the hard rubber insert ithrough the centre of them, the better quality ones have them, it is like a horizontal rod rinning across the front of it. they are called Patella Straps.

Mum says they work fantastic, i just hope they work for you. i tried one of mum's on and it seems to make the knee feel stronger.

Oh Karen, we worrie about each other i think, i always worry you will leave me, i worry about you all the time. you are like family to me now.

thank you my angel, i worry so much when i have to go to the doctors, i just freeze, i can't talk and i have an unbelievable urge to run out. i fight it, but it is so strong. It would be nice to have someone to go to the doctors for support, but it is something i have to do alone.

I am really worried about asking questions, i am already on their watch list i think, some of the questions they asked last time i had to lie about because i was so frightened to answer truthfully.

Ok Karen, i will try,

i am already anxious about the appointment and i still have 3 days to go 😕

Yes, i understand Karen, i hate it too, and birthday, and easter, i feel the same way, i try to look happy for the family too, try to make out like everything is fine, a lot of the time i sneak out and try to find somewhere to sit by myself.

Karen i will be here for you Christmas day. don't feel pressure to talk to me, i am just letting you know i will be here to support you.

My goodness, i can't believe how alike we are, it is so scary to me sometimes.

Oh me too Karen, completely isolated, it would be so nice.

So you don't ever feel lonely? i do sometimes, i have been alone all my life, but sometimes it would be nice to have someone to enjoy things with, walks, talking, things to look at, etc. it is a lonely existance when you can't share your life with anyone. well it is for me anyway.

I suppose you have had such a bad time with people, i understand you don't want to be around anyone.

I don't want friends, just 1 persone to share my life and time with.

Karen it must be so difficult, i do understand why you have to do this for the girls, it must be so hard to have to stay their all the time.

I understand Karen,

I have been betrayed by so many people i am just too scared to have any friends, or let anyone get close to me, you have been the first and only person i have let in.

I know i will be alone all my life, i have accepted that, and to the most part i am able to occupy my own time, i can be alone no problem.

I think i regret not experiancing life, even if it is bad, having experianced something would be so nice.

Anyway Karen you iwll never be alone, i will always be here for you 😄

Sorry my angel, i am really tired again, please try to get some rest, i will be thinking of you tonight, while i wait until morning 😕

Big hugs my angel. good night

Jacques

Hi My angel,

I hope today is treating you well, and you manage to get the girls beds pulled apart without too much trouble.

My thoughts and good wishes are with you my friend.

Mum wants to look at the christmas lights in the next town, so i might not be on here tonight, i hope their is some lights out at the zoo 🙂

Karen, i do hope in the future you manage to do what you want, when you want to do it, it is nice you are looking to the future as yours to do so as you wish, you have always deserved to be able to do these things, it is nice to know you will be able to now.

Please be kind to yourself.

Jacques