catching up

Hi Karen @hiddenite

I'm so sorry to read about how your mum's been behaving towards you. I noticed that @Jacques mentioned looking into domestic violence shelters or accomodation and I thought maybe I could share what thats been like for me, although every situation is different and your experience could be different too. But after an incident happened in our home I was referred to the DV shelter here by the police who were helping me (but you don't have to be referred to any shelter by anyone you can just phone up). They provided the kids and i with temporary emergency accomodation in a caravan park unit for a few days until a unit was available in their centre and then we moved in (initially it was just for 2 weeks so that I had some time to ground myself after the experience i had and make some decisions). I have a case manager here who is lovely and she has checked in with me often and helps with organising different things (like getting my old house packed up and organised for reletting, where to get storage for my belongings etc). There is also a 24/7 number to ring for counselling/help by someone on call at the main office (which is about 20m's from my back door). But I'm still living independently.. i.e. i have a driveway for my car and we come and go as usual as well. We have our own little back yard but there is also a shared back yard with play stuff for kids and a garden. Its not free accomodation and i pay my electricity and gas but the rent is very cheap and affordable. I guess by being here I have been able to reassess what i want, where i want to go and have the support to do so. Its not a permanent solution or anything but its been a helpful stepping stone. The other thing i thought you could look into with your mum is having some sort of counsellng together where you develop a contract for what it is ok for her to talk to you about, or help you with decisions around. I'm not sure if she's your carer or if you are on a treatment order which would need to be taken into account. I would encourage you to phone a refuge/shelter as you might be surprised how much information they have and also knowledge of the types of supports that they can offer or get you in touch with... they also wouldnt have information about your mental health stuff and so might get a 'fairer' assessment of your current living arrangements that your mental health team provide... if that makes sense?! I don't think any extra information could hurt at this stage and you have nothing to lose by making a phone call if you feel you want to

LJ

I know Karen, it is hard to believe, but i have always had anxiety, but it did not protect me from making stupid decisions when i was younger, it will be with me for the rest of my miserable life, i can't tell anyone which makes it so much harder to deal with.

my angel, you are too kind, for you i wish i was perfect, but unfortunately their are some rough edges on me, i just try to make up for ll the wrongs i have made.

Oh my angel,

you are too kind, i don't need an impact wrench, i don't work on cars (yet!!!) i know, any computer problems everyone comes to me, i should start a business, i would make a fortune 😄

I wish it was so Karen, punishing myself is only half the problem, it is society who will win in the end, societies rules have made things so difficult for me, and the worst part is i was put into the situation, i didn't really have a choice. it is so hard to explain, i can't tell anyone.

I know my angel, i try to be a good and kind person, you have made me see not all people are monsters, i thought all people where my enemy, you have tought me some people are worth being in my life, you are worth being in my life Karen.

You are right Karen, it is the past, maybe one day i can move on, maybe one day i can be at peace whith what i am.

lol, i was only kidding Karen, their is no money in IT, especially around here, my father had several failed businesses, mum told me i am never to start my own business, it is not worth the unpaid repairs.

K & J IT Solutions, how does that sound

yes my angel you are right, dreaming is what keeps us all going, we all need something to grasp, something to hold onto, a reason to hope. my dream is to be free, live in a gated estate, and build model ships for the rest of my days.

What is your dream Karen?

Karen, we are both young, we both have a chance at a new life, we just need to hold onto hope.

my angel,

i am really tired, (supprise, supprise !!!) i am going to try to get some rest, please keep safe, i will be back at 3:30-4:00pm, i will post as soon as i get up.

Hugs my angel

Jacques