catching up

Hi My angel, i am so glad i didn't over step the mark, i was just so frustrated with your situation, sometimes i open my big mouth without thinking.

I have done the same Karen, anything that reminds me is gone, i have destroyed furnature, photo's documents, and even nick knacks that remind me of the abuse i suffered, i have relived these moments in my memory, their is not need for me to be triggered by items i see when i am walking around the home.

Karen you take your time, take as long as you need, i will be here holdign your hand, and when the time comes Karen, i will be here giving you comfort, it is a personal journey only you can tred, i will walk beside you giveing encouragment and strength to you.

Hugs my angel, you are stronger than you know.

missing you my princess

Jacques

I am ok My angel,

Getting frustrated with not sleeping, i was up till 3am with panic attacks, got woken up at 7 so not a lot of sleep, i have spent the morning on the roof fixing some leaks hopfully, and i was so exhausted i packed up at 11, feeling a little low, and am worried about you, i was so scared you would harm yourslef last night, i was checking my phone every 20 min this morning waiting for you to write.

Hugs my angel, how are you coping this morning?

I have had my 3rd coffee from my new coffee machine, i even made myself a cuppachino 🙂

I am so worried about you, i am so scared of losing you.

what are you and the girls up to today?

Sorry Karen, just cooked a BBQ for mum and me.

We both have problems with sleep, i used to suffer badly from no sleep when i was at high school, i think it is just because i am going out once a week, my body is reating badly to it, before i was never leaving the house i did not have these problems, who would have thought leaving the house for 3 hours a week could cause so many problems. 😞

I hope the fix has worked, it seems to be in 1 room of the house, an addon they put onto the house in the 70's it has always leaked, my grandfather had 4 builders try to fix it when he owned the house, i have got the leaks down from 9 to 3 so i suppose that is some sort of achievment.

It is ok Karen, i was just worried after what your mum did, i understand my internet has been playing up too, the reception here is so bad, i am desperatly trying to get home internet, but can't seem to save enough money to get it on.

Yes, i have problems with the messages too, have you thought about taking your late husbands laptop down to a computer place and getting them to wipe it and reinstall windows? this forum seems to work better with a laptop than a tablet, i am having the same problems with my tablet too.

hugs my angel, i am so tired i am going to try for some rest, will be back at 4pm.

i hope you don't mind holding my hand while i try to rest, you bring me so much comfort Karen.

Jacques

hugs my angel, thank you so much.

I managed an hour rest so i am thankful for that.

i keep waking up screaming at voices i hear when i am half asleep, the voices sound like they are right beside me. sometimes i really wonder if i have some form of schizsophrenia, i am so messed up Karen, i so wish i was never born, i haven ever lived in peace, always lived in fear. so sick of it.

hugs my angel, i hpe you are ok, or at least safe.

missing you

Jacques