My special place

Hey @Snowie I’m so sorry you are in that dark hole and can’t see light.

Im wondering what it would take (not sure of the right word) to want to stay here. It’s a question I’ve been asked and it’s hard. I know you are not in the right headspace just now to answer it but maybe if you get through the distress you have at the moment you might have an idea. It has helped me a bit to understand the minimum requirement for me to want to keep living. I’d imagine for all of us it’s different.

Hoping you feel the love and light around you now. Many hugs 💜🤗

Thanks @Teej

It is hard to find a reason. I am stuffing up other peoples lives too.

I can't bear it any longer.

I think its best.

Speaking from the carer’s perspective @Snowie, you are not stuffing up anybody’s life ...... yours was badly damaged by the person who inflicted that trauma on you, and taking yourself out of it doesn’t remove the trauma and it’s effects, it just creates a bigger more powerful one that then co-exists with the current one ..... it doesn’t work the way your hurting brain is trying to convince you it does Hon.

Your hubby and kids want you, they want you any way you are ahead of not having you, even though you can’t see it in this so moment .....

Hokd on Hon ..... just keep swimming, floating, any way you can to stay and just be through this time, because it will pass ..... healing is ahead of you 💜💜💜

It's hard @Faith-and-Hope to see people suffering because of my actions.

They shouldn't have to deal with a broken me.

I'm not sure if here is the best place for me. I am scared of hurting more people. I am scared of what I will do. I am scared of me.

@Snowie ? Are you still there ?

@Snowie I felt to jump in to bring a reminder to really reach out to your supports right now. I know it can feel really challenging when you're in a space like this but I do want to encourage you to connect with any mental health supports you have and, if needed to reach out to supports like Lifeline 13 11 14 and Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467

Sending much warmth your way

Ochre

Posted at the same time @Snowie 🌷

What you are feeling is natural to your circumstances. Anyone who has suffered a trauma like you have struggles similarly, which is why the forums exist. It’s that shared experience and understanding about how hard it is, and here’s something that I hope will help - your trauma belongs to all of you ..... you didn’t ask for it, none of you did, but it is affecting all of you because of the perpetrator, not you ..... and the perpetrator gets to hurt your family more if they were to lose you this way ..... it works the opposite. You’re all in this together, and it’s learning to row together as a family that gets you all through it Hon. You’re not off in a row boat by yourself, none of us here on the forums are ...., none within a community are ..... it matters, you matter, and your family will be lost, (not relieved !!) without you.

Just hold on ..... hold on to us and keep treading water. The si will pass. Healing lies ahead, for all of you .....

💜💜💜

@Snowie I didn’t mean a reason to live but more if something could change that would help you breathe a bit easier. I was thinking for you it might be flashbacks and nightmares. If you could imagine life without them would it feel more manageable.

Ive done my fair share of messing up others lives but before this I contributed to others lives. I don’t think it matters what it is that causes us to feel the guilt of feeling a burden, whether it be a physical condition developed (like MS for example) or a mental one the thing is you wouldn’t give up on that person. It takes what it takes to get through.

I want to tell you that only a couple of weeks ago I ended up in my psychs office telling her I wanted to die because I couldn’t be a burden to everyone who is in my life any longer and I can’t see a time where I wouldn’t be. I was deadly serious. Today I’m not in that place but I will be again I’m sure. The thing is that most people around me can see change where as I see burden. It’s taken 8 yrs but my kids, friends and family wouldn’t have it any other way than me still being here plodding along.

I have faith that something thing will change for you if you can hold on. Life won’t be what it used to be but it might become something different and you find joy and light in different things.

I hope this isn’t too preachy. 💜🤗

@Snowie 💜❄️

Checking in with you @Snowie .....