My special place

Thanks @rav3n but there's no strength there

It's only giving into myself

i hear you @Snowie it might not feel like strength right now, but maybe that will change in retrospect.

it's hard doing the 'right' thing when our mind/body doesn't want to. if there's anything i can do to support you - even if it's just being a listening ear, let me know 💙

Proc called. Was a bit late @Snowie what do you mean duty of care crap? I’m having a drink before I get dinner. Headache driving me crazy.

@rav3n it's hard when your brain wants out.

You get to the point where you really ponder 'why'

Sometimes the questions outweigh the answers

Just sometimes when you disclose @GezzaP to someone, they have to make sure you are ok/safe.

I hope your pdoc could help. Enjoy the drink!

Oh ok hope you get some help. @Snowie My pdoc was ok. She is trying to get me to sleep better so I can stop being hypomanic. I’m my own worst enemy when I’m not sleeping properly and have mania. I wake up to go to the loo and can’t get back to sleep. I’m wide awake. When I’m not manic I go back to sleep quickly. I have tried reading but I get frustrated and get up. I will keep trying.

it is hard @Snowie often times, our brain really struggles to find a reasonable answer to the 'why' when we're feeling overwhelmed with those darker thoughts. it's like the confirmation bias concept - our brain is already in a dark space so it's easier to focus on negative thoughts and feel that there's no reason to keep fighting. but if we were in a better head space, it would've been a bit easier to challenge those thoughts/feelings and maybe even find reasons to keep going.

your pain is real, and it really sucks that it brings about those heavy thoughts too. you don't have to fight/challenge them but i hope you let them pass knowing that they aren't the truth. i know it's not easy - every step you've taken to keep yourself safe means more than you know 💙

Good evening @Snowie,

How are you today?

It truly sounds like your partner is such a grounding and safe person for you if you rarely disassociate in his presence. 🥰

I understand what you mean, and it makes so much sense that opening up to your psych would feel vulnerable, and that having your opinion would feel overwhelming. I think it's incredibly brave of you to explore sharing and having your voice, and I am glad you're able to be honest through writing. Have you spoken to your psychologist this week? 💛

It's hard to let them pass @rav3n when they are constantly there, constantly barking at you, constantly saying things. It's not that I want them to stay. I try and use different strategies to try and let them pass, however it's like they have cemented themselves.

And then when I do reach out I just get told I've gone through it before, I can do it again. Asked what I did last time, as if I haven't been trying those things again.

Hi @AuntGlow

Not good today.

I see my psych on Thursday. Well don't 'see' her, it's a telehealth appointment, which I don't like. I struggle to speak when staring at a screen. I guess it's better than nothing.