My special place

Not great @Jynx

see my new post of yesterday “anxiety is high”

this time of year is a struggle

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@Snowie wrote:

they are either too full or I'm too much of a problem.

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If you're not sufficiently supported by your community and the social systems specifically designed to be there to support folks are insufficient, that is a systemic failing, not a personal one! Buuuut you could take a leaf out of some trans memery haha:

My pronouns are try/me!!

Maybe it's just me but... I believe that if society has failed us, we're allowed to be problematic to the systems we're entrenched in.

I hope the call is a helpful one for ya hun!! Oh what iPad games tend to grab your attention? I've been playing 'Necromerger' a lot - it's a little spooky (but cute!) themed merge game!

Sort of helped @Jynx

Whats done is done.

My psych said she will try and find someone who can see me, but would it make any difference. I wouldn't open up to someone I don't know anyway.

Normally play card games or do jigsaw puzzles on the ipad.

I'm glad it helped, even if only a little @Snowie. Sometimes it is the difference between a bad night and a terrible one.

Even if you don't go into stuff, do you find it helpful just... not being alone in your emotions? Just wondering if you do have someone come see you, like, would it help to literally just ask for a bit of company to help with co-regulation? Food for thought mayhaps!

I do like puzzles but all the puzzle games I find have ads, and ads make my brain very cranky. Depends on the puzzle too!

I am about to head off, but @tyme is about still if you're in need of some company. Sending oodles of hugs and some extra resilience energy to help you through 🫂🫂

@Jynx I guess talking to someone is better than no one. I don't want to get my hopes up high. In reality, they probably won't find anyone.

Again, I know they deserve a break.

Puzzle games do have adds, but I refuse to pay for things I can get for free, so I just put up with the adds.

Oh by the way, she came up and saw me. Thanked me for all I do for her. Then mentioned she has a gp appt. on Friday that I need to take her to.

Thanks @Jynx for being there for me and not just tonight.

Thanks to all. Take care.

Spoke to my pdoc today. He is taking 3 weeks off work 😔

Told him about what I've done and what my brain is telling me to do. Told him things are so overwhelming and my thoughts are just so strong. We talked about my SP and what to do. He suggested the dreaded H word. I really don't want to go down that path. He said at the moment it's my choice but that can change.

Still have to do the food shopping for xmas day. Am dreading that and the crowds even though I'll go early in the morning to try and avoid them.

Truthfullly speaking, do you feel safe to be at home during the time he is away @Snowie ?

Sitting with you. The shops are buzzing! I totally get how frustrating it can be!

I went to the shops the other day and the shelves were bare!!! That was even more frustrating because I couldn't get what I needed and wasted by energy getting out of the house...

Such is life!

Hang in there. You know what works and doesn't work for you. If it's H, then let it be. It's not an easy time at the moment.

It's a hard time because my psych is taking 4 weeks leave too @tyme

I guess in the back of my mind I knew they would both take leave so I wasn't really surprised when they told me. We see them as supports that are always there, but they do have their own lives and families.

Honestly I don't know if I feel safe, and I was honest with him. We did speak about if things get worse. I did give him my word that I would go to the ED if things get worse. I am just taking it day by day, even hour by hour when needed. I have my safety plan, my prn, numbers when I need to talk to someone, Sane and I have hubby. I know I'm lucky, some people don't even have that. Also trying to tell myself that I've gotten through xmas before, I can do it again.

My aim is to get to the shops at 8am Monday morning. I think that's my best chance at it being not too busy, unless others think that too!

I probably have asked or read it before, but do you celebrate Christmas?

All the best with the shop in the morning @Snowie ! Hope you beat the crowds!

As for celebrating, Christmas? No, I don't celebrate it. Then again, I don't celebrate birthdays or anything either. Only because I prefer not to. It's not 'wrong', I just can't be bothered. I'd rather chill and have time to myself.

Being around people all day is NOT my idea of a celebration. It's so mentally and physically draining!

I don't see the hype or the fuss.

It's good that you have the choice @tyme and that you can do what is right for you.

I think I would much prefer to just chill for the day.

I was brought up that Xmas is a big celebration. Always lots of family/food. Always traditions that we had. So I guess we have followed some of them with our kids (just not as big).

I do agree that it can be an exhausting day.

We are having Xmas lunch at our house. I actually don't mind. It is a lot of work but at least I can go hide in my room if I need some time out. I have that safe place to go. By the end however I am so over people and mentally exhausted!

One thing I do like is that Hubby and I started a tradition that we all buy some presents and donate them for kids that aren't as lucky as ours. As the kids got older, they use their own money to buy something. I do think its taught my kids a lot of life lessons.