My special place

I can understand that @creative_writer

I carry a lot of shame too. At others, but especially at myself.

Being shut down in the past can be hard. But it is more of a 'them' problem. Thise people that shut you down just don't know how to deal with it. They have no clue.

I hope you have people around you now that allow you to talk about it, that allow you that space.

Good on ya @creative_writer - one task complete! You get a gold star! ⭐

Do you have supports at your uni/college for extensions or learning support? I wonder if you could reach out to someone for some extra time or info?

However, on the other hand.. Is it possible to have a slow evening tonight? Unscramble your thoughts a little, perhaps indulge in something that brings you joy to mute the noisy classroom of kids that are currently present?

Totally agree with you @Jynx I think anger does mask other emotions.

@creative_writer the only people I talk to are my supports. I don't have any friends/family that I would talk to about my mental health.

Remember it's not the same, but you have us on here to listen.

@creative_writer Mm it's deffo harder when you've been conditioned to suppress everything, much harder to sit without judgement, and examine and acknowledge the emotions as they arise. Plus, there's the social conditioning layered on top of what you learned whilst still developing. Outward expressions of emotion are often punished in a lot of social situations, either by invalidating the emotion or ostracising the person expressing it. There's so many factors at play, so you being 'not good at letting emotions go' is not because of some personal failing or ineptitude. I know you know this, but sometimes it bears repeating, esp when we're battling shame.

It's funny your words remind me of the movie Frozen, 'conceal, don't feel' is the mantra Elsa uses to suppress her ice magic (ironically, the warning given by trolls is 'learn to control it' which the parents skew to 'conceal it, don't feel it', which then gets further skewed by Elsa to 'conceal, don't feel'. Just interesting how words and their meanings can transform over time into an unhealthy belief). Perhaps you could pop on 'Let It Go' and sing along emphatically as a way of releasing some of the energy 😂😉

@Snowie aye, anger can be a tricky one - it's so closely associated with aggression, it emerges from other emotional states, and is basically our 'fight' response manifesting. How you travelling this evening hun?

Would that be something you might start looking in to @creative_writer Getting some supports on place. I know Sane has a guided service that I have used before. It's not an extended support but it did help me. @Jynx might be able to lead you in the right direction.

@Jynx I am ok thanks for asking. Whilst my thoughts still are not great, they are better than they have been lately so will take that as a win. I also didn't need as much prn meds today so that's good too.

How are you?

@Snowie oh yeah deffo a win! I'm glad today has been easier on you hun. I'm well, thanks for asking! Had a couple peeps over for a movie night on the weekend and so my soul is happy. And I currently have a purring cat on my lap too, so double yay. Did you get up to much today?

Have got a dog on my lap making little snoring sounds at the moment @Jynx

I wish I could sleep like she does!!

Went out with daughter this morning. Did some clothes shopping. She scored very well, I paid for it all! She had the day of uni so was nice to spend some time with her.

Other than that just some things around the house this afternoon.