My special place

You are so right @Snowie I think pdoc thinks I’m not trying hard enough. She says she will give me 100% but it won’t work if I only give 50%.
I have to see her again on Thursday.

My psych said to me the other week that it was my choice to stay like I am and only I can change it. If it was that easy I wouldn't be like this. I want to end everything just to make it all stop.

You are trying your hardest @Eve7 You are giving 100% all the time just to get through each day. It makes it so hard when they don't understand. I hope your appointment on Thursday goes a bit better then it did today. I am glad you are getting support however.

I haven’t seen my psych for a few months @Snowie I sure hope next pdoc visit goes better because I like her and I want this to work.

I hope you it can work out for you @Eve7 with your pdoc.

It is so hard to find the support that is the right fit for us. And then when we do find it, it is hard to keep that support.

Do you see your psych soon?

I wouldn’t see another pdoc @Snowie I know too many of them because of my work and I just couldn’t go through this with another person.

My psych is a sports psych but he’s been good.

I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow.

It is hard to start all over again @Eve7

I had to find a new doctor. Even though she had all my records I still don't feel comfortable speaking to her.

I think it takes a long time to form that trusting relationship with our supports. I hope that can continue with your pdoc and your psych.

I really don't want to go tomorrow. i don't want the judgment of what I have done. I don't know what to do.

I hope you don’t get judged @Snowie I don’t know what you have done but I did something last week and was worried I’d be judged too. My pdoc said I have to be honest with her about any plans I make and that made me feel worse her thinking I’d been dishonest.

I have failed at a lot of things lately @Eve7

I can't even seem to do that right.

It is hard not to feel judged and even harder to be honest at times. I am not sure how honest I can be to my psych. I know she needs to know what I have done, but am scared to tell her. Scared she will call my pdoc and I will be admitted.

I hope you can be honest with your pdoc.

Will say goodnight @Eve7

Am going to go have a bath and then go to sleep.

I hope you get some comfort tonight and get a good nights sleep.

Thanks for keeping me company.

I have been honest with pdoc @Snowie I think she was concerned that I cancelled an appointment without telling her what I’d planned to do.

I’d better not elaborate here but I told her I didn’t want to be in hospital.

I hope you are able to be honest with your psych.