HURTING :(

@BlueBay how did you calm down ?

I dont know whether to email my psycholgist about this or not. I dont want to come across as annoying but I think I need the support.
AND I HAVE TO PUT UP A MASK AND PRETEND IM FINE (AT HOME) WHEN IM NOT OK.
hurt hurt hurt.

I haven't emailed my psychologist before but I think she'd want to know about this because just when i saw her last week she told me she wanted me to have the support from this place, and to request a new worker as she wasn't happy with how i had been treated and now this has happened which im scared is going to send me spiralling down once again. Its already started.

Hi @STORMGRL101 so sorry you have been treated badly and are feeling this way.

I agree with @BlueBay that letting your psychologist know what has happened is a good idea.

I'd like to suggest that you at least write out what happened and keep a record of it that way, if you decide you do want to send it to your psychologist you can.

When people do stuff that upsets and hurts me I find that writing it out as if you were speaking to them, (but don't send it to them) letting out all the hurt and anger and tears that go with it is often helpful. Sometimes by doing that I can find a way around what has happened, and sometimes I realise that I really do need to take it further and tell someone else with more authority than I have.

Take care of you.

Thanks @BlueBay @Former-Member

I did send an email to her.
This shouldn't have happened. I'm just SO freaking upset and idk what im going to do. Someone close to me said "oh try not to dwell on it" yeah right. I want to freaking harm myself.

Is here perhaps something you can do to distract yourself until the worst of the sh feeling passes? @STORMGRL101 Even those we love and who love us often don't get how superficial and hurtful their words sometimes make us feel. I'm expect it's the only way they can find to support you, even though it ends up doing the opposite. I'm so sorry this is happening for you.

Good that you sent the email. Have you ever used the help lines? I used to encourage my daughter sit in the dark in her wardrobe with the phone on a long, long cord I got especially for that (pre mobiles) so she could call KidsHelpLine in private.

Might doing something that be an option for you right now? Please look after you, one minute at at time if that is all you can do.

Im trying to distract but i just can't concentrate @Former-Member
I get too anxious to talk on the phone but if I talk online to lifeline Im scared they might call the police on me which has happened before. I'm tired of just existing. I'm tired of the daily emotional pain. I'm tired of feeling misunderstood and abandoned. I'm tired of being here.

I really feel for you @STORMGRL101 and wish there was something more I could do to help.

Yeah, I usually end up crying on phone lines and that doesn't seem to work so well. Writing, like here, is fine because I can still type while crying.

@Former-Member I wonder if there's someone who could sit with @STORMGRL101 and keep her company for a while? they're lovely people here Stormgrl, and will do their best to distract you.

Just letting you know that I'll be here for a little bit longer with you, but I have to go shortly for dinner.

Do you have any pets to keep you company? a craft you do perhaps? I'm big on crafts for distraction.