Romantic Relationships and Mental Illness

Hi @Ilovewater,

very sorry to hear that your relationship did not last. It could happen (and does happen) to almost anyone, not just people with a mental illness.

The end of a relationship is something I've experienced myself, many times. I think I've had 9 relationships that went wrong, before I finally met my husband, who I married at 42 years of age! So I had a lot of practice.

If it wasn't meant to be, then it's kind of for the best that it ended now and not in 5 years time when you would have become extremely invested it. That's what I used to tell myself, anyway. I'm not sure if this helps or not. I can be extremely practical for a very emotional person!

It's natural and normal to search for love. Human beings are social creatures and our brains are designed to respond favorably to social connection. When I was out looking for a partner, my best friend used to say "Why do you need someone?" and "Why can't you be happy alone?" But I'm so glad that I kept trying and eventually met my beautiful husband.

I would say to you, go out and socialize, even if it is only once a week or once a fortnight. You will feel better for it. Exercise a little bit every day if you can. Drink lots of water and get lots of sleep. Allow yourself your sad times, but maybe put some kind of limit on the time you spend thinking about the past. Talk to a qualified counsellor if you need to, to gain closure.

I read somewhere "Men are like buses. Another one alays comes along in about ten minutes." For some reason that saying always makes me smile. I suppose I found it to be basically true, in my case!

Please write back and let us know how you are going.

Hugs.

Hi @Ilovewater and @Sahara and @Tyler77 @Appleblossom

What a nice message.

@Appleblossom knows my humour well with what I am going to write so for everyone except @Appleblossom please bear with me in the next few sentences.

As @Sahara writes, I met Mr You know Who (my nick name for my husband) when I ought to have known better.

My youngest son had just moved out of home after a terrible illness and gotten better. I was spening money on and visiting my oldest son once per year in another state. I was......slowly getting my life together but it was very very difficult.

He had no money, no opportunities, a very well seasoned illegal substance user and alcoholic.

We both went to High School together and we had loosely known each other for years.

We were both 41 or 42 and well...I ought to have known better.

We got married at 43 and broke up after some jail time by him and numerous numerous police visits.

After 2 and half years, we are back together. It works. It's weird, I will confess, but it works.

We are amazing companions. His iq of 150 is coming out more, he stopped all illegal and alcohol useage.

We argue and we immediately are kind to each other, No matter when we do, we make sure that we do something kind for each other.

Like I bought him a pot plant of spinach when his herbs were all gobbled down by caterpillars last weekend. The caterpillars then gobbled down the spinach potplant but I took him to a supermarket to look at other herbs in potplants.

He is not....fast, I wish that I was the partner of say........A reincarnation of David Bowie but this one will do. Next week, I'm going to a centre about getting a tutor about writing shirt stories.

He will probaly sleep. My husbands main desire is just to be kind and he is doing that.

Our relationship is no.....amazing tv. worthy story or anyhting but it works for me.

Dear @Silenus

I am impressed with your openess re; your personal life.

Today, when my husband's nurses came to our home to give him his needle, they said how amazed they are at me. I thought.....but this is how I'm supposed to live. My life is about just.....this. Being with him and being quiet.

Paul Newman said; a relationship is 60% frustration 40% happiness or something like that. It is like that for me.

You write;

I let her know when I'm really struggling, but most of the time it's all happening so deep down inside me and I wear my mask well. We get on brilliantly. She, now, is also my soul mate. We help each other in many ways, and we're learning as we go. It's wonderful... I feel blessed... and humbled by this amazing woman that puts up with me... hahaha...

It feels like this for me but ....I feel like; I've LOST so much and he has LOST so much. We have only us two to heal. And then, he and my youngest son just connected.

I would LOVE to live in a motor home but I drive like a silly billy, I wouldnt trust me with a caravan.

Hi @PeppiPatty. 🙂

Loss is a difficult thing to deal with. Lots of grief and regrets and all sorts of things...

The journey is sometimes helped by the realisation that what we have now is what we have now...

Life is a gift, even through all the pain and loss...

My life is an open book for the most part. I hope I don't overshare... I am bumbling through this life, trying to work things out as I go. Occasionally, I learn or unlearn a thing. By sharing it with others, perhaps I can hope for just one other person to avoid some pain or learn how to better cope with the pain they have...

Life is a journey, as well as a gift. We are stronger when we walk together. This Sane forum is a good place for that.

Hugs and happy vibes beaming to you @PeppiPatty.

Dear @Silenus

I really enjoy reading your posts. You being an intellience in which .....um.... without putting myself down, maybe I dont have (lol)

I find, being online at Sane Forums; I seem to manage my daily life easier. Things like; getting curtains put up AND going online on Gumtree to find the cheapest and most suitable curtains to put up AND getting someone to get the curtains put up.

the curtains are a guady shiny purple and when my youngest son sits down at night, I've commented that he looks like a porn star with bright shiny purple material around him.

Bahahahaaaa...

You're funny, @PeppiPatty... Giggle...