I Envy Physically Handicapped People!

Hi @bha

I understand your intention in writing this post is to educate others who may not experience this, highlight the stigma you experience and feel, share your expereiences/struggles and a little bit of your pain.

I cannot begin to understand your pain and how hard it is for you, the experiences you describe sound horrendous. However, I strongly caution against thinking that you can understand others pain. Although I am not physically handicapped either, I do know that people who are physically handicapped go through a lot of physical struggles that never cease as well as mental struggles daily. It is not in any way easy for them either, its just different, and personally I feel it cant be compared.

I deeply hope that you have some lighter days where you can laugh and communicate soon and that you recieve help to deal with everything you are dealing with, as you sound like a person in pain and a person who loves his kids even if you cant do much at this time (very far away from the useless person you describe, even if you dont feel it). I admire those like you who continue the struggle despite the level of difficulty

Thanks @Fancy_Pants

I did try and respond to this person but cancelled - but I need to say something and you have helped

@bha

I understand what you are saying and as I have had reactive depression and physical injuries I do understand what you are saying

But now I live with chronic pain syndrome - and some days I have my memories resurface - so yes - physical, mental and emotional conditions are all really hard to deal with

And I do hear you - I understand what you are saying but we all have a devil somewhere - personally I prefer the devil I know

I do hope your life improves and I also welcome you to the forum

Dec

Thanks for this different version @bha - I think I know what you are saying

Chronic pain is invisible too - and now I am on the Age Pension - and actually retired from my profession I don't get the dreaded question - when I was younger people would ask

"You are so highly qualified. Why aren't you working?"

Ooohhhh - I guess that happens with depression

One thing I would like to tell you though - to set you right because I think I do understand what you are saying - the loss of my son over 30 years ago though was never a temporary sadness - it has been a terrible grief that has eased over time - but still - there are days that tear me apart - so yeah - I get those terrible days

I meant a couple of young women many years ago - one had partially lost the use of both hands and the other had lost both legs - they both had depression - I don't know what their thinking on the subject would be now but this is an interesting discussion - for a while I felt tense about it but it's a valid topic for discussion

Dec

@bha

thank you for a thought provoking topic. I feel bad for people who have a physical disability as it must be very difficult for them. Althought I get what you are saying as I also sometimes wish I could have any other illness in the world rather than depression. Particularly on days when I cannot get out of bed because the world is so horrible.

But I really value my mobility and I feel sorry for those who are in a wheelchair, severely disabled or cannot get around to do things like go to the toilet or shower. There are different levels of physical disability, just like there are different levels of emotions and mental health (like sadness perhaps building up to anger, intense rage, turning violent etc).

There was an interesting article in the paper on the weekend, where they are looking into depression and finding that maybe it is all part of the human condition and not just a problem in the individual's brain but is actually a problem about the society one lives in:

Google: smh nearly-one-in-10-australians-take-antidepressants-are-there-other-solutions

Like you, my moods can change very quickly and I go from 1-100 in 10 seconds. I am learning to try to control myself more in how I respond to bad and hard situations. It is a real struggle but it might be something you could look into trying? We cannot change how we REACT to something, like if someone hits us or crashes into our car, of course we will be angry and upset and annoyed and feel bad etc. That is a normal reaction. But we can try to control how we RESPOND to it. I am learning more to try to control myself and not fly off the handle about things. I still get very upset about things and lots of things trouble me, but I'm trying to just ignore people who are not nice or say 'I will get back to you later when I have had a chance to think about this', so I can consider how I will respond without screaming or wanting to punch someone in the face. In some cultures it is considered rude if you let someone know how much they have upset you and if you lose control of your emotions. I'm told that we do have some control over some of our emotions and how we respond to things. Although the black dog might sit next to us we can choose not to pat it. I'm really working on distracting my brain, learning to try to control my emotional responses to things and reading lots of books about it.

Emotions are hard. Life is hard. Yes, I would like another 'illness' please, can I swap for something else that might not be so hard to deal with?

Hope some of this makes sense.

@Owlunar

Thank you for the feedback. I appreciate what you are saying. It all makes sense. I have decided to edit my post by removing the 2nd part of the following sentence (My problem is not a temporary sadness, which is caused by a loss of a loved one.)

@Fancy_Pants, @Owlunar and @girl99,

Thank you all very much for the excellent insight and feedback. I have decided to further edit my post by changing the last paragraph.

It was:

Finally, I would like to stress that I am NOT trying to compare my suffering with the suffering of others. I am just trying to articulate that (1) I am truly helpless, and (2) your ignorance, undermining and miss-appreciation of my suffering is more painful to me than my illness.

It will be:

Finally, I am not trying to undermine the physical pain (as the title might indicate). Rather, I am trying to stress that the pain of an invisible (mental) illness can be as much as the pain of a visible (physical) illness. However, what makes the pain of a mental illness 100 times worse is that people around you do NOT acknowledge your pain, and even worse, they BLAME you for it! So, I do NOT envy physically handicapped people because they are not suffering, but because people appreciate their suffering.

Hi @bha

I like what you seem to be doing here - pruning your ideas and using feedback wisely - this is an excellent response

One thing about the invisible nature of disabilities - I totally get that people seem to blame depressed people and we have here a thread somewhere of the things that we wish people would not say - I have no idea how to find but a moderator might @Moderator.

Or another member might know

However - I know that if we could pull ourselves together we would never need to be told - why would anyone choose to have bad black dogs days?

Now about chronic pain - that's invisible too and no one can see it and I get everything from extreme pity which I do not need to comments I would rather not repeat. One thing is that I need to take restrictied medication approved and prescribed under permit by the Health Department. It's really horrible when people infer that I might be a drug addict when I most certainly am not though I am physically dependent on my medication

So - as you seem to be working out your ideas here - I really understand stigma and that seems to be part of your thinking - I am interested in your thinking.

People can see an prosthetic limb, notice loss of vision - I think loss of hearing would be worse - one of my parents lost their hearing and refused to acknowledge it and that made conversations impossible. What else? Cancer - yes - really bad but people dread it and whomever has it, whomever is the carer - that is a bad one and no one blames anyone for having it - at least - I hope not

I think giving yourself a project like this to work on as you seem to be doing is a brilliant idea and brave too - keep going - I wish you the best

Dec

HI @Owlunar

KobeCat here, the overnight moderator. What you did by typing @Moderator alerts us that you require input from the moderation team. We also review each and every post to ensure it remains within guidelines.

I am not exactly sure what it is you need assistance with?

I have attached a link to the forum guidelines here in case that is what you were looking for.

Regards,

Kobe

Hi @KobeCat

Thanks for the question

I typed that because I remember some time back there was a big discussion about the things people say to us - about our MI and other issues I guess - and they are things that make our lives more difficult

But I have no idea how to find something that happened way back - I know this is an on-line archive of sorts and that this discussion and the list of unhelpful comments will still be there - I am hoping that a moderator or someone else would be able to find that - maybe it could help the author of this particular thread

Dec