Depressed partner pushed me out of his life

Sorry, just another thing......I just can't get my head around the idea of loving someone so much and wanting to live with them to 3 weeks later not being in a relationship with that person. I understood that we couldn't move in together, I accepted that. Most people would just draw a line and continue on with the relationship, knowing that perhaps that something that will happen further down the line. But he just went into further depression. I just don't get it.

I am sorry to hear about this. A similiar thing happend to me. My ex and I had discussed a moving in together when my lease was up. We decided it would work, seeing as when we first started dating we practically lived with each other for 2.5 months. A few months later I asked about it again and he said he had to think about it. Recently, we spoke about it and he said yes. My lease is up in Oct. He has severe untreated anxiety and depression. Just a few days ago I asked to confirm because like your situation he started withdrawing. He told me that he wants to talk about it after we get back from our vacation (He was going meet my family in another city). I told him that I was mad at him, bc how can he tell me yes when he still needs to think about. Then he broke up with me. We had other problems so it wasn't all about moving in. But I did the same thing you did. I would ignore problems or pacify them so that his anxiety would't get worse. I think it was the wrong thing to do, I felt like I was enabling him. I don't know you, but I understand what you are going through. My advice would be to go no contact and just move on. I know you care about this man, but he has to help himself. You care more than he does. He is unhappy, but you do not have to be. Go out and find a new person who can love themself. Bc you cannot have a relationship and be loved by someone who cannot love themselves. I would block his phone number bc he may drag you back in. The cycle will never end if you dont cut all contact with him. Hope that helps.

It has nothing to do with you. People with anxiety and depression like this, cannot see past their anxiety.

Thank you. It was a bit hard to read what you wrote but it is the same advice that I have been getting from most people. It is just hard to move on when I know what shape he is in and the small amounts of hope that he gives me. We never fought in our relationship, we were extremely happy and he was the best boyfriend that I have had, so that's why I am finding it hard to move on. It was his idea for the past few months that we move in together and he kept asking me, until I said that I would.

At this stage I can't block his number as I have been looking after his dog for the past few months. I will need him to pick his dog up as I don't know what he was thinking keeping it at my place and not taking her when he broke up with me.

Hello ladies. I’m in the same boat so I’ll be lurking here for a while.

August 15 was supposed to be the 4 year anniversary. But at the beginning of August he decided to end things with me, saying he needs to find himself, he’s been depressed since the beginning and he’s mid twenties now, he has to do this alone, maybe he was with me because he was scared to be alone, he’s been falling out of love with me, that we’re deep down both in denial about being together.

I didn’t take the break up well, the bottom line is at first I said I can’t, then can, then can’t be friends with him and consistently told him he needs to get counseling for four years and that this month I got counseling for myself before telling him good bye over social media. Idk if he read it or will consider counseling but it’s been an on and off relationship, crazy first love. We were planning on living together by the end of this year but he was too depressed from fallouts with many friends and family the 2 months following to him breaking up with me. Originally told me I was the healthiest in his life.

From what I’ve been reading, is it better to just forget about him and abandon hope? I just read these strikingly similar stories and the fate seems the same

It’s hard to know what to do hey. I think getting off their emotional roller coaster is the first start.

My ex is glad that we are friends as he is scared of where his mind will go. That’s all they can offer. I don’t even think they can do that at times. It can feel like a one way friendship too. I get hurt cause he just treats me like I don’t matter at times. It’s on his terms. He doesn’t answer my questions. He is in self-destruct mode too.

It's a really crappy situation to be in. I am sorry that you are going through this. To answer your question, yes you should forget about him. I've been in on/off relationships before and they do not work out in the end. How old are you? You mentioned the mid-20's. Go out, there are so many guys out there. You are young and will have many men come and go in your life. You will love many of them. GO live your life. Go find out what's out there, who is out there. You were in this relationship for 4 years, why not go out and date a few people, understand what you like and don't like. It may take some time to get over this relationship, but please do and then go out and have fun. The person you were with with is draining you. Right now your life is all about him. Why? It is your life! You don't need someone else's misery. He doesn't need to live his life like this and you most certainly do not! What I have learned from going to therapy is: these are his problems and he is projecting them on to you. They are his problems and he needs to deal with them. You can only do so much and from what you have said you have done everything you can. He needs to take the step. Perhaps he will and he may come back to you. But if he comes back before then, you need boundaries. He cannot come back unless he is actively working on this issue. If he comes back, take it slow, do not jump back into a relationship. Make sure therapy is working for him. Live your life. Forget about him. I know I sound harsh but I have been through this before. He has an illness, you have already tried the sympathy route. You need harsh love now. If you walk away either two things will happen 1.) he will realize that he needs help. He will realize that he is losing you and a great relationship and he will take all steps available to make himself well and get you back. or 2.) He will take the easy way and stay gone (or try to make you stay while he is still not well or beg you to be in his life because it is a mess). Don't accepet #2. This is his choice please understand that. I hope you take care of yourself.

Hello @girlygirl25, @LostandConfused, @SoSad, @Lux-xoxo, @Anna88

how is everyone today , sending you all hugs

Hi

I had an ok day today. I spent most of the weekend in bed. Today I spent half the day in bed. I went to the doctor on Saturday. She gave me a referral to a pysch and some anti-depressants. I’ve been in a bad way. I ended up calling a family member yesterday afternoon and she’s been with me since. The hot and cold that I have been getting has been playing on my mind. I know that I have to let go now. I can’t fix him but I can fix myself.

hello @SoSad, sending you lots of hugs

soo glad you have someone there with you and to support you my friend