Read and reply to save me

Hey there
I’m not going to get into the background of everything, one thing is that we’ll be here forever but I also assume it’s much like everyone else’s.
I have diagnosed chronic depression and social anxiety, a few other things that aren’t diagnosed officially, only because I stopped going to my appointments.
Long story short, mental illness is something I’ve dealt with for a long time yet have never had under control. Therapy never helped and medication heightened my paranoid. Hobbies don’t keep me distracted and drugs are not a long term solution (nor is it any solution anymore, 7months clean).. I’ve just learnt to get used to it in a sense and accept it. I know that’s probably one of the worst things but I felt so helpless, still do. The rest is kind of like a movie – I felt my life was one episode until, yes, I met a boy. He lived in another state to me and wasn’t the best influence but I fell in love with him. He saved my life more times than I can count; he was the first person to care for me properly. He convinced me to stop drinking, stop smoking, stop doing drugs and all the other dangerous crap I was into. He without a doubt helped me out of the darkness, without even realising it. I knew I HAD to be with him, so when the opportunity came to actually be with himI dropped everything – a potential career, my family and friends, my kitten Obama – everything, to move to a different state and live with him and his family. Things were good, really good but then those dark feelings came back along with the bad voices in my head. I’ve told him about my mental illness before, he knows what I suffer from but that’s it. He doesn’t understand it, nor does anyone up here. I’m not annoyed, it’s how he was raised (I can tell from his parents) to think suicide is an attention thing, depression is a cop out, anxiety is weakness. Lots of times I’ll cry over the smallest things and get told off for it. That’s what lead me to this website. Right now I’m alone – not physically, but emotionally, mentally. Me and this boy have gone through a lot and in hind site, we probably shouldn’t have gotten together – we are too different and fight all the time. The good times are so good, but the bad times are scary. I run away a lot when we fight badly, and my stupid mind always thinks he’ll chase me and carry me back inside but he never does. I think I expect too much of him. It’s not like I haven’t told him what I want him to do in those situations because I have but I guess he forgets. He’s learning though, only recently though. There’s a lot of things going on here I can’t talk about as I’m scared if someone reads this and figures out who I am….I honestly am not sure I’ll survive what would happen next. This environment..it isn’t safe. Especially for someone as weak as me. I hate it, but I’m trapped here. My parents long ago rejected my (due to my mental illness, they didn’t understand and simply didn’t want to. They payed for an apartment for me to rent – part of me thinks they were secretly hoping I’d leave their lives. Not once since I moved here have they made plans to see me or for me to see them). Ahh this is probably getting too long but I have so much to say. Really what I want – or need – is someone I can talk to who will listen and just, get it. Someone who gets what I’m going through and can simply talk to me. If I find anyone here I’ll go into more detail about my life, as I currently have no other people I’m allowed to talk to (long story). If anyone has bothered to read this…thank you….if anyone got this far and wants to message me, I beg of you to. I can’t be alone anymore.