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Daughter with depression and anxiety

EsmeCasual Contributor03 Feb 2018, 12:26 am AEDT

Daughter with depression and anxiety

Hi all. My 15 yr old has a 3 year history of severe depression and anxiety with self harming and an occasional dabbling in eating issues. We have gone through the stages of headspace, camhs and now in and outpatient care at a private clinic. She has done 1 to 1 therapy, group therapy CBT and DBT. 3 suicide attempts later, a bucket load of assorted meds and my baby still begs me to let her die. She says its too hard hurts too much and she is a burden which of course she's not. Sometimes we see glimpses of our vibrant happy child and foolishly believe there has been some forward progress but in reality she is getting worse. I am her carer, we live in the country with limited services so we travel to the city weekly when she is not an inpatient. We did hope she would be well enough to go to school this year mostly for her social development but lasted 2 days followed by a breakdown. So home schooling it is for now. She missed most school last year so we are determined she gets something this year.
I used to think there was help for these kind of kids out there, that with meds and therapy my daughter would get better but in reality its a day to day game of survival. I now realise there may never be an end to her pain and all i can do is hold her hand and make sure she is breathing every morning. I would love to hear from other parents who are in the same situation and maybe get some fresh tips ideas on how to get through each day. I never thought this would go on long enough for me to need my own support but now i think its time i reach out and get some help for me. I am looking for a local support group and invite any ideas from you guys.

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In response to: Daughter with depression and anxiety

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor19 Feb 2018, 7:29 pm AEDT

Re: Daughter with depression and anxiety

Hi @Esme ....

I can’t add much to the advice you have been receiving here, because so much of it has already been offered by the other parent carers who have spoken up already.

A hidden and undiagnosed mh problem with my husband has thrown our family into chaos in recent years, and spinning out of that, our younger son developed issues. It seems a personality disorder was triggered, but the seeds of that lie in the general personality type prevalent in this family, and resulted in anxiety, depression, social anxiety, and a shut-down.

He (son) has been in the care of a pdoc for most of last year and underwent CBT and some DBT counselling. The strongest advice was to create a life-change, preparatory to him moving out of home once he is back on his feet ... although the course of son’s treatment subdued a lot of the outwardly problematic behaviour in hubby, which primarily presented as major control issues, so the urgency about him moving out has reduced somewhat.

The life change has involved us moving states as a family, and out two youngest are now enrolled in uni here ..... a re-start for son. It has not been smooth sailing, but seems to be starting to. It has been a combination of providing family support, and son finding the wherewithal within himself to get back up and start putting his thinking, behavior choices, and life skills back in order.

Hubby is still the biggest issue and remains undiagnosed and untreated in the background, but now that he is not raging and controlling the wa6 he was, he may have to suffer health consequences of his own disorder / s before they become apparent enough to receive treatment. He is completely unaware that he is unwell .....

In response to: Daughter with depression and anxiety

teachersusanCasual Contributor03 Mar 2018, 5:41 pm AEDT

Re: Daughter with depression and anxiety

Esme, in the past year I have bern through Headspace, CAMHS and now Orygen with my 15 year old son -luckily we are in the city.
He was excluded from school most of last year, but is back there now. Don't stress too much about school, mental health is more important. Education can wait, there are so many options for that.
We all know there is no easy answer, but exercise, getting amongst nature and pets give you something else to focus on for both of you.
The post above which says ' feel the pain and live through it' is very wise. I have allowed myself to feel all the horror, extreme anxiety and despair of having a suicidal and potentially homicidal son and I think you grow stronger by 'looking the beast in the eye' if you know what I mean.
I suppose it is a process of acceptance of the situation while being determined to change it by being patient and loving one day at a time.
You are not alone, though you feel like it most of the time. We mothers have been going through this type of thing for ever! It is the flipside to the joy of having children, and as I tell my son often, as horrible as it is, I would go through it a million times to have him in my life.
My thoughts are with you. X

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