Messy break up

I'm not in a good place right now...I keep looking at the lifeline webpage, yet can't bring myself to call - hopefully that just means I'm not at the lowest point yet?
My ex and I split at the start of Jan, I called it - I was unhappy and unsatisfied, I felt like I was in a relationship with an angry teenager. What should have been discussions almost always turned into aggression and anger. I was always surprised when she actually had a conversation without defensiveness or anger. She possessed a victim mentality, what I was saying was always challenged and I felt like she never 'heard' me. It was an emotionally manipulative relationship, I felt like I couldn't do anything right and she often used guilt to manipulate me. I kind of felt like she didn't truly understand her behaviour...this is where patience and kindness has not served me well.

She decided that she couldn't bear it if I wasn't in her life at least as a friend. I kept telling her that I couldn't be friends straight away and that we both needed time and space to heal, but yet again, this fell on deaf ears. I would still get messages or calls from her each day and I would get horrible accusing messages that I was ignoring her (no shit) but she just wouldn't leave me alone. To be fair, I did respond often because I wanted to keep it as painless as possible - we play the same sport where we have to see each other several times a week anyway, and we have a bunch of mutual friends.

Saturday night I'm at a mutual friends BBQ and she's not there as 'I won't go to the BBQ so you can go and have a good time with our friends' (Firstly, screw you. Secondly, I did not care if she came or not, I'm an adult and I can be in the same place as her. Thirdly, that was her choice, don't use guilt against me). I got a few messages from her that eve so I put my phone away. Sunday, once again I get an absolute barage of messages, things like 'heard you had a big night; hope you're not using alcohol to mask your feelings; saw that pic on facebook, I think she's into you, you should date her, I'd be OK with that'. Obviously I didn't respond. But the messages didn't stop 'why are you ignoring me?' I replied 'We've agreed for time and space', to which she replied 'Wow, that's harsh. You didn't even thank me for not coming to the BBQ'. Excuse me? I was so unsure with how to respond to these messages I took a screenshot to send to a friend for support...well, you can imagine the worst happened. I accidentally sent it to the group chat, which she happens to be on. I deleted it straight away but the damage was done. Next second, she rings and I can't not answer... I apologised for sending it to the group but not for wanting to send it to a friend for support. She can only see it from her side however, that she feels so disrespected and she never would have thought I could do such a thing to her - it's like she thought I did it on purpose. As she hung up on me, she yelled at me not to speak to her.

BUT we play for the same sporting club and obviously she can't just leave things alone. We cross paths and she says 'what, that's it?' as I say nothing 'not even an apology?!' Well that made me angry, I had already literally apologised 100 times but she still doesn't get it, and we had a loud, embarrassing argument. Later on, I'm sitting with a few people in the changerooms, she walks in on the phone having a loud phone call about some new person she's interested in/chatting to, making sure I hear it. She's punishing me and she will hold onto this tiny messaging incident as the basis of the whole relationship and why it ended and why I'm the asshole. I put so much patience and support into the relationship yet I got shitty return on investment. I feel so hurt and stupid. I want to cut this connection to her but we both play at an elite level, which is something I really want and have worked my ass off for. I just don't know what to do and I'm worried that I've been leaning on my friends too much. I feel at a loss...