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Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 10:01 pm AEDT

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

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In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember03 Oct 2018, 8:07 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hi @Adge, I see your 'likes' how ya doing?

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

AdgeSenior Contributor03 Oct 2018, 8:18 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hi @Former-Member You have such a lot on your plate.

It's so sad with your Dad, makes me want to cry hearing about it.

Things took a dive for me about 1 week ago - learning that I have 2 serious Hernias.

They were directly caused by the surgeons refusing to re-stitch my surgery wound, when the wound split 3 years ago. They took the staples out too early they said.

So the large hernia has formed exactly where the wide scar is, because that's a weak are.

It's infuriating & very upsetting (at the same time) - because I've done everything right, nothing wrong (to cause it).

Now I have to wait (maybe many months) for a referral to a surgeon, through the public hospital system.

I now need to have a 4th surgery, to fix what should not have needed to be fixed.

The Dr can't do anything for it (he said) - he told me to go straight to accident & emergency, if it gets any worse (or more painful).

Adge

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

AdgeSenior Contributor03 Oct 2018, 8:30 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I've had some very hurtful words from the few people who I've told about my hernias (& needing a 4th surgery) -

"Oh well, at least you're not dead", "I told you so" (when they didn't), etc.

A Yoga saying (my teacher gave) says - "Is it kind? Is it true? Does it improve on the silence?" - If not, then don't say anything.

So these people should have stayed silent, since they had nothing kind (or helpful) to say...

Adge

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember04 Oct 2018, 10:41 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hi @Adge, sorry about these hernias & hurtful comments 😞 I know how frightened you must feel at the prospect of going under the k#ife again, especially since they botched it last time & you nearly died. 😞 I've nursed many ppl with hernia surgery over the years, and if its any help to know - its relatively simple surgery. Is the bowel itself herniated? - this would need careful monitoring. I hope you were given some sort of support binding bandage / brace, even a belt while you wait. If it doesn't strangulate, corrective surgery should be relatively simple. Try get into a big teaching hospital. Try not to worry, I will pray it all goes well, including the wait.

Chin up forum bro xox

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Shaz51Senior Contributor04 Oct 2018, 3:31 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

It's so sad with your Dad, @Former-Member, be strong too my friend

sorry about these hernias & hurtful comments @Adge ,

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

AdgeSenior Contributor04 Oct 2018, 4:02 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Thanks so much @Former-Member & @Shaz51

My bowel is still okay I think.

The hernias are where the bowel has pushed through the surgery scar - where it's thin & very wide.

Adge

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

AdgeSenior Contributor04 Oct 2018, 4:08 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

No I don't have any brace or supportive belt yet.

Adge

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember05 Oct 2018, 8:19 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Dad had his bags packed to go home yesterday when I visited, said it took him a very long time 😞 and he blames me that he's there, and he's right, and this guardianship takeover makes people think dad is not safe with me, and I wanna vomit typing it, and I can't function lime this, they won't come to a decision about him coming home until his official guardian comes home from leave in 2wks. My being around, my face sets dad has off 'cause he thinks it means he can go home. I wonder if he is better off without me. I can't cope, falling into a deep depressive episode. Scared to reach out for help because that will prove that I'm the 'nut job' my ###!%&?# bro2 & sis lied at tribunal. I can't do this anymore. I could run away, have over 100 grand in the bank and can't get off the couch to do something nice for myself

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember05 Oct 2018, 8:53 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Listening @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

outlanderSenior Contributor05 Oct 2018, 8:56 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member 💖 💖 💖

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