Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 10:01 pm AEDT

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

850 replies

621 - 630 of 850

1...62 63 64...85

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember23 Sept 2018, 8:10 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Dad said "I miss you" tonight, when I rang. Wow

Facility rang last night to inform me dad had another fall 😞 o brolen bonez, or anything.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember01 Oct 2018, 6:57 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

0700 visited dad with maccas brekky, he was out of bed & seemed ok. I had a good conversation with RN A who said dad often sat and starred out the window like he's waiting for someone, and it concerns me that he sits at the table across from a choking, drooling (unfounate fellow) and they lost his s boots... Anyway, because its been near impossible to evaluate if he wants to come 'home' or not - i decided to bring him overnight & ask in AM if he wants to stay or o go back. I got Bro4 to help - but when i went back RN A changed her tone after having a talk with Superviser RN S. The 'Guardianship' issue came up & they tried to stop us taking dad, then when I explained how there isn't a 'guardian' as such appointed yet and the tribunal think dad's already gone home from Respite... - they said they can't stop us from taking him home. Bro4 grabbed dad while I grabbed his things, and they gave me his pills... We got him home, BUT...

After an hour, dad announced that he cant stay long, that he needed to go back by 5pm. He said a lot of the nurses were hopeless, but that they had a lot of good services as well. I asked him if he knew it was a Nursing Home? No, he calls it "the factory" Mums old friend La came to visit and even in front of her - dad was "all over the place" with what he wanted - stay here, go back... Not sure of his feelings.
I think dad likes the structured lifestyle there perhaps... and comfe chair still at the facility. I explained to dad if he goes back now, he wont be allowed to come back home - he said "bull shit!" Bro4 ,,was his usual restless self and left soon after arriving. I put a movie on and gave dad a coffee, but he said he "only had time for a quick coffee" because he had to go back... Very odd. He said it was "easier to get around there" He wanted to know if I could do everything needed to look after him... but had trouble getting the words out. He was certain he wanted to go back...

THIS WAS HARD for me - to take him back - and i felt sad. But it also defines it for me - I am free.

I'm NOT sure what to do now, with my immediate future, but not what I'm doing 😞 And what of the dogs?

I spoke to RN B too, she understands me & knows that I just wanted to know what dad wanted. "I got my answer" he'll go permanent now I guess.
For some reason I'm feeling REALLY SAD, & LOST.
Its all too much change.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember01 Oct 2018, 7:48 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member

I can only imagine how difficult it would be for you that your Dad cannot remember how well you looked after him at home as compared with "The Factory" . Dementia is so cruel on carers.

Feeling sad and lost when things change - living grief.

There will be practicalities to deal with and can I ever so gently suggest as part of self care that unless you absolutely want to, that you don't take on the task of tidying up Dad's place for sale yourself, the new financial guardian can be the one who deals with it.

When will your new unit become available? Perhaps it will be a time of new beginnings for you. I am reminded of the saying, opening your hands, not just to let go of the old but ready to receive the new.

I am ever so pleased to hear from you, have been sending up bucket loads of prayers for you.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember01 Oct 2018, 2:33 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Thanks @Former-Member, I had to drop the unit up north as body Corp minutes noted pending 'underpinning' at owners expense. But without quotes... it frightened me as I don't have financial backup & I believe the job can run into the thousands. That news came the same day the buyers threatened me for damages if I wasn't out of my place by settlement. Horrible.

It feels like 'the end' for me as I'm not treated right by my Clayton's family here, I actually think bro2 & sis want me dead, certainly out of their life (which hurts like hell). Families exacerbate mental health. If I move to 'whoop-whoop' (where I can afford a place) it will be isolating to the extreme, and I'm unsafe isolated, and not sure I have the energy it to repeat mistakes of old and try force myself into clicky groups & small town thinking gossips... Accepting 'outsiders' is hard and I think maybe I'm 'different' - certainly never good enough for takers.

Yes I'm sad that not only dad but all my siblings have not appreciated all I've done this last 10-11months. They used my MH history against my character at the tribunal too, it was awful (they are awful), Apparently bro2 is now telling ppl he "can't stand" me 😞 it sucks.

Lots of tears this am, just took my pills, & actually cooked an egg for brekky (burnt toast triggered smoke detector - grounded me re phasing... grrr),

Oh, bro4 is here, probably hit me up for $

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember01 Oct 2018, 2:50 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member

Will continue to pray for you,

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor01 Oct 2018, 4:02 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Me too @Former-Member ......

Rest awhile, and see what comes next. I have had to give up my home now too, but I could never have imagined the fragmented “homes” I would have now in place of it .....

When you have rested up, maybe have a look at a few different options .....

A caravan in a park.

A “tiny home”

A permanent resident in a local hotel

A share-house

An apartment

A unit

Think about proximity to your Dad and your son, and maybe position yourself somewhere in between .....

You have options, and a door will open.

Hugs ❤️

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Shaz51Senior Contributor01 Oct 2018, 4:08 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Me too @lapses

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember01 Oct 2018, 7:35 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

SmcSenior Contributor01 Oct 2018, 7:40 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Lots of love and prayers here too @Former-Member. You'll get there.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember02 Oct 2018, 9:02 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Dad asked me to pack his stuff and take him home again today. When I said we can't he asked me to get another bed next to him. I had to say I can't do that either. This breaks my heart.

621 - 630 of 850

1...62 63 64...85