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Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 10:01 pm AEDT

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

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In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember04 July 2018, 6:46 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I hope he is a lot more comfortable @Former-Member and ulcer heals soon. Were you able to make it to your own appts?

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember04 July 2018, 9:05 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

No, need to reschedule again, think they're sick of me changing, on hold. Bit worried about this cortisone needle anyway. Winter is procrastination weather lol

How are you & yours?

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember04 July 2018, 10:12 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member ...gentle reminder ... your own health is important too ... potential for pain relief and better movement ...

Things here remain relatively steady, physical problems continue to negatively impact Mr D's mental health.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember04 July 2018, 1:06 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I know, Thanks anyway Darcy, holding things 'steady' is all we can ask for most days. Off to have a blood test (dad) and pay some bills. Really must get into a routine. Take care ❤

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember05 July 2018, 8:39 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Nights are getting better - no more 2, 4 & 5am starts 😵m

Can smell the cheese tomatoe omelette is done, yum. Funny how we go the extra mile when its not just one we're cooking for.

My shoulder, Rt hip are bad this am 😞 Missing @Owlunar at thw monent - she gets the chronic pain thing. But my thoughts behaving.

Haha, dad just tapped his empty mug with a smile. This means "refill plz" Glad his humour has come back.

Hope everyones ok this AM

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember06 July 2018, 5:15 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Its my mum's first birthday since passing today. She would be 84. Thought i felt her presence very strong last night while helping dad to bed. Fear at first then peace (knowing God is stronger & will only let the light in). Then a gentle smile comes, i actually think mum is ok with mw being here now. Approves. She talks to me now and then (not audibly ) Usually brief approval things - sometimes screams but i just ignore that irrational side now she can't hurt me). there was a soft side tucked away with mum - that part remains (the love).

My aunt (her sister) rang last night, asked if we had anything planned for mums B'say, then said "you don't have to DO anything" Thinks dad might get sad (i doubt it). Realised later - it was a call FOR HER more than us i think. She sure would miss mum - her big sister. They talked nearly every day. She's my fav aunt ❤

Mum gets a lot of mail still - driver's license renewal one of them - she needs a medical 😏 Dad says "she wont need that now" Weird when he keeps thinking i'm her - he thought her mail was mine, even calls me her name a lot. Hate ir. Sad, especially with mum's echo "you're replacing me" or bro2 declaring I'm pocessed by mum. (dine with their BS... him & baby sis).

But part of being a servant ia becoming invisible

Haven't heard from myason while. Sense to give him space.

Apart from lighting candles for mum - not sure what else to do for her. If i was back home i'd spend the day in bed. Paralysed.

. Dad's not connecting in any way to mum's b'day. Dates of anything seem irrellivant to him.

ACTUALLY, WONDER IF MY BEING HERE IS A GOOD THING ANYMORE - AM I DOING HIM A DISADVANTAGE EMOTIONALLY BY BEING HERE? DELAYING GRIEF? BUT WHY GRIEVE @ HIS AGE? Life is rarely black & whitw.
I woke to loud whistling noises in my ears. Thinks itz settling ?diet, ?streas spike. I'm tired. Woke 4am, can hear garbage collection (5am). Fridays are noisy here.

Guess i do miss mum - few tears for her here, and for my girl. All weird. Her friend @church rang wanting to have cuppa today, wonder if she remembers?

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor06 July 2018, 7:52 am AEST