Depression Dementia Dad

Yeah, you are ❤
They do come to the party if i persist. Just really tired atm. Talked to VHC today and the tried to bounce me back to the servoce provider who bounced me back to them... I said "I've done that and telling you" ... ... He put me on hold a 4th time, to consult his supervisor... 😏 and then they had to get verbal approval from dad (which took lengthy translation by me, while on speaker phone... and really, he doesn't really 'get it' anyway... but yeah, right, we pretend - 'tick their boxes' to be told: You should get a letter soon 😞 I presume thats snailmail. Yes, myffault again for not giving them enough notice... I'm so tired💤 Should i book my plane to see my son? Probably not. grr! All the pieces have not fallen into place for me to travel yet but at least i might get a week of noy doing very much. But even that will require a huge cleanup, putting expensive things out of sight... locking things away from sibling trouble making sabotage...

All good, start again tomorrow

@Former-Member 💖

Hi @Former-Member, @Adge, @outlander... Missed your posts here. Thank you. And theyre funny quotes Darcy. You must be a nurse.

Cant believe its been 2/52 since posting here. My siblings have settled down a lot. Even the two Sz brothers have popped in WITH something in hand for a change (sausage rolls, icecream, today bro4 brang pizza), wow, sometimes hanging in there with ppl pays off. The other two are VERY very quiet. Which sadly, is a blessing for me now (come to expect their disgraceful attitude toward me has nothing to do with my worth & everything to do with them). Be interesting to see if going foe guardianship myself (since dr has asked because of family members pulling services in different directions. Guess they need to know who has the final say). Because bro2 & sis are so underhanded / go behind my back... making trouble with dad's doctor and even police, i've drawn the line in the sand. I need them off my back or I'm out of here. NCAP will decide that for me. But frankly, i've done a bloody good job with dad despite the criticism, family deaths & my own internal stressors. Nothing can take this last six months away from me, dad's soul or my siblings. Interesting, my first experience with grief (miscarriage), i struggled severely the first 6months, worse after losing my teen. "acquainted with grief" i guess you could say, i could see it manifesting in my sibslings when they could not, when mum died - rushing round trying to stop the unstoppable, DO SOMETHING! ANYTHING! but feeling lost... the lashing out, and running away from closeness... With my own strain & caring foe dad - i could do nothing much but 'stand' my ground where God planted me for this season, 6months here now and proud of my own resilience to be honest. Think its settling, hope so. Think they know they've done wrong. Self awareness is the only real teacher for change. I'm just guessing of cause - none of us relate @ such a deep level really.
Actually, mum&dad's big fridge died & was quite a fuss cleaning out the old one out in the shed toi use... But I don't mind walking back & forth to the shed, but think bro3 & 4 are more upset about tge broken fridge than me, suggesting this and that... quite sweet really. I can't lift fridges & dont see the point fixing the old one just yet, and i'm waiting to see if they'll follow up on all the offers to help. I wont ask but made it clear i'd appreciate help. Not holding my breath though lol

Poor dad had a reaction to a new incontinence tablet - it triggered time confusion and sleep disturbances and doing stupid things like detergent in his tea, banana in the kettle... really made me nervous. Geriatrician says its 'sundowners' also and it should settle a little in another week off the pills & daily sunshine.
Itcfrightens me cause i cant hear him getting up through the night often and he struggles making a cuppa right, spills drinks... puts the gas heater on... 😱😱 And if i am up with him, while he's nodding.on & off in his chair, I'm exhausted all day... This is NOT sustainable.

Today i took my new friend to check out a Bupa Residential Aged Care facility, at least for respite to start with. Found out some f ightening facts. It will cost dad $75 a day / 525 week for a room - respite or permanent. To get into this facility permanently, he will need to secure the room with a $550k bond 😱 (because he owns his own home recently valued at $650k) - i'm not sure how it works if the home doesnt sell but guessing this is the tip of the iceburg with the whole ugly process of going into care. Being prepared and not rushed is my goal atm.

I feel awful / deceptive doing it though, cause i can't tell dad or he'll get even more unsettled. But there's no rush - the means test assessment forms take 3months to process.

At least dad's ACAT assessment is done - they wouldn't have had the time of day for my enq today without tha it seems. @Owlunar, were you aware of this terrible daily cost on, on top of the amount of bond money needed to secure a room? and if one's estate would be safely invested to return to family at the end of the day as promised? It sounds like a scam to me. How can they hold all that money, claim all the interest for themselves AND charge $500 a week for the room. What is this? Are we renting the room or buying it? I donno, guess the nursing care factors in there somewhere.

So far dad's managing at home, but he's slowly slipping - cognitively & mobility, i cant hold back the tide, but neither will i press the issue.

Dad's OT came today to measure him for a recliner as he falls sideways when napping in this chair. But also, dva will provide an over chair table with whells AND an alarm mat to wake me when he goes unto the kitchen at night 🙂 This will all help keep him home where he wants to be.