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Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 10:01 pm AEDT

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

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In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember26 Apr 2018, 9:49 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

You said nothing wrong @Adge & i do appreciate you more than you know sleep well ❤

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember26 Apr 2018, 10:06 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Just feel like i should delete myself & nobody wants me here. Bit down tonight / sensitive... not sure why, nir sure where to ventbon theeforums anymore, betta jusr go sleep it off. Thanks to you both ❤❤❤

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember26 Apr 2018, 10:37 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Oh @Former-Member ... so sorry if I have offended 😞
You are much loved and valued forum member ... I appreciate your wisdom and sense of humour ... the kindness and compassion you show against the odds. I am sorry if I do not say the right thing but do so very much care.

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor26 Apr 2018, 10:45 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hearing you too @Former-Member .....

I am only home a short time and catching up on notifications.

So sorry to hear how down you feel tonight. I am on my phone ...,, no iPad access tonight ...... so only have these images to share .....

💜💐💕💜💐💕💜💐💕💜

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember27 Apr 2018, 8:37 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

My mood a bit better tonight thanks @Faith-and-Hope, @Adge, @Former-Member, some days i just cant interpret ppl well, when agitated... I think missing a nights sleep 2days back hasn't helped, and slreally bad sciatica 😞
I had a little OP shop spend today - that always gives me a boost.
But in pain atm - the pain meds are wearing off now & i just realised they WERE working, drr (really bad sciatica - can't lift my Rt leg even 😞 This happens now & then and goes in a week (this bad). Just worry about these strong formerly otc opiates. Could easily get addicted. But need something. Anyway, just griping. Got lots of dishes & washing to catch up on 😞 Lucky i had precooked meal for tea 🙂

Dad is sleepy today, still gotta fivure out where to get another doona for him from. He wet everything so bad last jight & it didmt dry in time with rain today

Just dont wanna move re hurts back 😞

After his shower today he had the worst accident 😞 took me 1/2 hr to clean up 😞 (this is the worst part of nursing / caring for someone i reckon, especially family. If you know how bad i was treated as a child for wetting the bed, even into my teens... 😨 ... ... some days it takes everything to bite my tongue.

Oh, dads goin to bed, gotta find him a doona

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember28 Apr 2018, 10:05 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Oh dear @Former-Member, don't you wish a cork and rubber band would plug the leaks?

I do hope you get better sleep tonight and your sciatica eases, a decent rest is so underrated.

D

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember02 May 2018, 9:04 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Since my cousin bagged the God of my faith the other night, I have this ball of indignant fire rolling around inside. How dare he! And it wasnt even me who bought up religion. I've worked hard @ reconnecting with all my cousins. Tollerating their self absorbed ways. This cuz, ihhave struggled with because of his lufe choices. He & his husband have money, highly educated (PhD MH), extremely articulate... And, unfortunately, apparently HE is the one several of my relatives have checked in with as to whether he thinks i'm of sound mind enough to be dad's carer (because of my x2 hospitalised breakdowns 1986 & 2011). I HATE THIS MH STIGMA THING! What? Are we really supise to crawl under a rock & die? I wouldn't be here if i couldn't do it. Its their crap that makes it hard. Support SUPPORT would be more productive. But think withdrawal almost ensures sabatage to prove them 'right' bastards!
I am hoping my being here for my parents, house, pets, home, funerals... in all the little things, i hope it speaks louder than any words for years to come. I'm honoured to represent God's love here, meet a need (where NONE of my family would/could) - they have made it clear they want to shove him in a Nursing Home, againt his wishes. He wants to, deserves to, has the home services to (daily), and now me to manage house. In my mins - losing mum, and now his sister is enough challenge without also the distress of going into care. Bro2 thinks he doesnt deserve it (re unhelpful parenting) but really? Besides, what do they think happens in nursing homes? I've worked them & know. He would be so lonely, disorientated, distressed & slowly perish earlier. Maybe he should. Maybe i shouldnt be here. My cuz (with the MH PhD said he tells those who ask him if i should be here, he said he tells them "its a self limiting exercise" What on earth! Why can't he say I'm doing well, which i am. I don't know. Maybe i'm here for my own need to be here, somehiw deep down.

Having a lot of self doubt right now.

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor02 May 2018, 9:59 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hi @Former-Member ...... I hear your “achey-breaky heart” Hon ......

Hugs and hugs ..... they are really sucky family dynamics you are working with there, and I don’t know anybody who could work with them as well as you are ..... but then my mr. was the best at working with his family’s difficult dynamics, until he fell into them himself ..... (not that you are doing that bit, but be careful not to let bitterness get a hook into you as I did at one point .... it’s painful getting it back out again).

There is something your cousin said that I find intriguing .... “self-limiting” means that your choices are limiting other choices ...... but the most interesting part about that is that is is actually acknowledging that they are your choices and you are free to make them ......

Rather than self-limiting, I can see a care relationship you have entered into with your father than benefits both of you, and gives you exceedingly more choices than you had at your previous home.

Piile on the self-care today @Former-Member, and try to wash them all out of your hair. We think you are doing an absolutely amazing job, and thriving on it despite the pain and stresses involved .... it’s what I am hearing in all the feedback comments to your posts, and it’s certainly what I believe.

You go girl .... leave them in your dust, so when you look into the rear-view mirror, you won’t even be able to see them there ......

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember04 May 2018, 10:08 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Aww, thank you @Faith-and-Hope, i don't know if i'm way ahead of them. It hurts how they treat not only me but dad. Maybe i get bitter, i dont know, its a fight to be constantly 'dying to self' to forgive, to 'let it go' They suck! Only today, i got home from taking dad out to the RSL for his Birthday. Like the Dawn Service last wk Isent a tx to all x5 siblings & x5 cousins to join us for buffet dinner. Not one was sure & only Bro4 turned up, and he was aggitated (high) & left early. But fortunately my new friend & her hubby came, they've known mum & dad a long time & dad likes their company. MySis, who failed to answer her phone or reply to messages or acknowledge my birthday late March, or ring dad or visit him... yep, she sent dad a parcel gift. Chocs for his diabetes & a photo of dad with us. nieces & nephews that attended dads sister's funeral last 2wks back, she wasn't there, she must have got it off facebook. Bro2 visited bro4 today but not dad for his birthday, or respond to my tx to incluse him & his wife. I'm at a loss trying to understand any of them. Bro3 rang but not sure he could come out for tea, said he had a Psych apt this arvo so not sure... 😕 Its just wrong. But tomorrow, bro1 lives 200km away & asked if i could bring dad 1/2way for him to see him. I agreed because dad lifhts up when he hears bro1 voice and bro1 - he'wheelchair bound now with MS. His wife/carer is like me - tired 😲 Anyway, another big day tomorrow. Just hope my Rt leg keeps working lol, well enough to hit the brake if needed. Its this this horrible sciatica flare-up 😭

I think i'm gonna have to back off fighting to make people spend time with me / and or dad, feels like pushing a boulder uphill. Maybe i should take a hint. I cant believe this distancing thing / ignoring thing, so immature.
Such rejection / abandonment really sets off this SI i struggle with when unwell. But part of me doesnt wanna give them the satisfaction my dying. Honestly think sis & bro2 want me to. Yep, pretty bad. Hurts like hell.

With my cousins "self limiting" comment, i believe that was in relation to my father's slow decline and eventual need to be in residential care, if death doesn't come first. It is not forever. Most at this aged die 6 to 18 months after losing a spouse. It is enevitable. But yes, its hard but i think definate "treasures in darkness" being here.

Just quietly (told nobody yet), I took this stray cat mum took ofc to the pound today. They aend him to the cat sociwty. Another neighbour complained about him yesterday and he not only bites visiters & gets under foot but he drew blood scratching dad again (dad has severe diabetic neuropathy & unstable on feet). It was time. Anotber thing for the siblings to hate me over. I asked & none of them would adopt him. Really anxious about this but had to.

Hope youre doing ok, you & yours? ❤❤❤

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor04 May 2018, 10:17 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Good call @Former-Member ..... I am a cat lover, but a hostile cat under the feet of either of you is the last thing you need right now.

You’ve done your best with the others @Former-Member. Park them all up for now and just enjoy your time with your Dad around all the issues .... that’s your gold here .....

We’re doing okay on our rollercoaster at the moment ..... nobody has fallen off it yet .....🤪:face_with_rolling_eyes:😏 ..... we are managing in the moment.

Goota go to sleep now before I wake up with the iPad on my face .... lol ....

Goodnight Hon, hope you sleep well.

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