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Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 10:01 pm AEDT

Depression Dementia Dad

Is Dementia Mental Illness? It's a disease of the mind so i'm hoping i still belong here. If not for that - today at the DR he was asked if he gets depression - dad answered "yes I do get depressed" It's hard to read with dad's early vascular dementia.

Around Christmas i moved in with my parents as mum was unable to manage hersef let alone continue as dad's carer. She was end stage cancer and died in hospital palliative care only 19 days after i arrived 😞 I was shocked how sick she became in the 2months since my last three week trip.. My goodness - what a fighter she was. My two younger brothers were dropping in a couple of times a day & helped with transport, bills & shopping - but could not stay in the house.longer than 30min - becoming restless... (probably the MI-Sz / drug related) and they were wearing thin. getting angry.. Mum was so difficult / hurtful during my last stay to help, i was reluctant to come again unless she asked me to. It was hard for her but necessary. The first attempt to drive the 1200km i ran off the road & badly crashed my car - a 'Write Off' Sore bones & shellshot - I had to rest a few days before flew down.

I hit the floor running - household duties, neals & loads of patient reassurance for mum. Even giving her a bell. Wasnt easy looking them both, clearly dad had been neglected for sone time.

I was still in the bad books for reporting him as a medically 'unfit' driver during my last stay. They fought it and gad x2 doctors confer ( why not done before is beyond me).

So here i am, feeling alone with 'toxic family' threatened by my presence, the loss of my mum, a dad in grief, with early vascular dementia, diabetes, heart disease, spinal injury - poor mobility, bad incontinence. Its full on some days. Not just the cleaning up but all the medical appointments. Especially since mum had understandablly got behind on things like optometrist, pidiatrist... even the GP...

Just looking for support as feeling somewhat shattered after only x5 weeks. Big day today.

lapses

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In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

AppleblossomSenior Contributor23 Apr 2018, 11:02 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member

Best of luck with outcome of scans.

You are right the carer role does seem to fit you. You go all out.

Can you contact any carers organisations? I have found that the whole carer role is fairly new but there is understanding that carers are human and have needs.

Take care Bella

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor23 Apr 2018, 11:26 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I think there is also more understanding that if carers didn’t exist, there would be a helluva lot more strain on already overloaded systems @Appleblossom ..... and if carers suffer burnout, they become in need of care themselves .... losing carers and gaining more patients through insufficient support and appreciation is not a great recipe .....

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember24 Apr 2018, 6:42 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member

There is carer support available.

The govt Carer Gateway website has a bit of information about caring for someone with dementia and a phone service. My aged Care is another govt site.

https://www.carergateway.gov.au/dementia

https://www.myagedcare.gov.au/caring-someone/caring-someone-home

Carers Australia offer support for carers of aged parent/s. They offer free counseling services.

https://www.carersnsw.org.au

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember24 Apr 2018, 12:27 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Thanks Appleblossom, Darcy, F&H. I'll follow those links up. It just feels like i'm a different person and fear the old (not coping) me will come back with a vengeance (catatonic style re past history), or can i keep this up?

Maybe just a confidence thing (re past - not trusting myself, and siblings undermining). You probably know what i mean Apple... Or perhaps its just the Holy Spirit warning me so i put measures in place. Had a bit more asthma lately too - grr

My new friend from church came to visit this morning, and dva finally put the extra rail in for dad out front slope to the car. Dad enjoyed watching that. Waiting to see Dr atm for routine bloods & chest re choking episodes...

Are u guys busy today?

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

AppleblossomSenior Contributor24 Apr 2018, 12:51 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Yes I understand the rationales @Faith-and-Hope

I am not new to the carer role per se, but new to this new formal recognition of it.

I am sure a lot of the funding put into carer organisations can be justified on an economic basis.

It is social progress.

I am beginning to be comfortable talking about mental illness from both the Lived Experience and Carer roles. As you get into it @Former-Member you will realise that you dont have to be superwoman but genuine in the caring role. Dont let family negativity get you down, that is old grudges etc, you are moving forward with ethics.

Take care both of you.

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember24 Apr 2018, 11:25 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Thanks @Appleblossom, i've had to slow down with my BP so high. Its a confidence thing too maybe - that i wont fail again. And the dr wants me to go for guardianship & poa and i don't want to do that alone but also not on talking terms with the only 2 siblings well enough to share the responsibility.

Yes, integrity in caring has been my fallback when family harrass. I know in my heart what i'm doing here is the right thing before God & with dad's wishes. Don't know what their on about sometimes. Today BRO-2 sent a pic gif of Obama miming a finger gun shot fwd - no words attached - i dont get it.

Took dad to GP today re bloods due, scripts, choking episodes, scripts... & he had his flu shot. We really pack it in at the dr lol. He's gotta have a Barium Swallow, chest x-ray.

Tomorrow's Dawn Service is a must tomorrow, dad being a KOREAN WAR VET and all, I've set x3 alarms for myself lol

How's your week?

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember25 Apr 2018, 9:05 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Hi @Former-Member

Hope day is not too taxing on you and that cause for high BP can be determined.

The loss of a parent, a major support person and one of very few people you have close contact with when you have Sz would no doubt add layers to grief that others with intact coping mechanisms would not encounter. Added to this, the unavailability of funds that were previously accessible for Bro2 is quite possibly still at the front of his mind ... Are you aware of who his treating team are? It might be wise to let them know ... how Bro is not coping, not getting funds, the tin foil lining walls (if he does not have home visits from case worker), other info in relation to paranoia not being reduced, the threatening text ... they can receive this information without crossing any confidentiality protocols.

Darcy

In response to: Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember25 Apr 2018, 6:09 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

Thanks @Former-Member, hardly slept a wink last night Darcy so today was kinda hard, accept that i was able to rest in bed mostly, getting up for dads meals etc.

Hope i sleep tonight. Cooking mince atm. Dad looked really good in his black suit & medals. Took a nice photo & posted to siblings. Dad is proud of his military background and loves these kindz of formalities. The emotional connection is strong, which is apparently what keeps them going with this kind of dementia. Tried to get Bro2,3,4 & 3 cousins to join us, they all live close but it was a no show, really don't understand any of them, we could have used the help with the large crowd, parking & wheelchair. A lovely young man & his girlfriend (strangers) stayed with dad while i parked the car (a block away), even pushed him to a place up front.

Oh dear, just wanna stay in bed but betta do dinner. Pop back later

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember25 Apr 2018, 7:52 pm AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

I just set a reminder to contact Bro3s Case Manager (MHCT), thanks for the prompt, i just get defeatest about ot all given the 'help' so far. And busy.
Thanks for those links too, appreciate it ❤

In response to: Depression Dementia Dad

Unknown userMember26 Apr 2018, 7:34 am AEST

Re: Depression Dementia Dad

@Former-Member

I think we all feel a bit of despair from time to time ... having to be the responsible one ... not having our own needs met ... realising the limitations of medication ... wanting so desperately for things to be different, but knowing that the love and compassion we show is the difference.

Think I have Bros mixed up - is the one that sent text the one having increased paranoia?

How are the dogs going?

Darcy

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