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Telling a partner you have depression and not acknowleged

Dragonfly8Contributor30 Jan 2018, 4:09 am AEDT

Telling a partner you have depression and not acknowleged

Hi,

I am new here. I have had depression since I was about 15, I'm 36 now. I never saw doctors or councillors. Sometimes things are really good and sometimes things are really bad. At the moment they are bad.

I'm not working so that is contributing to my depression. I am also pregnant. Me and my partner got into a fight last week while on the phone and we haven't spoken since. It was over something really stupid and he hung up on me. I wrote him an email later that night and told him I was feeling really depressed and I didn't know how much more I could take. I told him to phone me in a week, he wrote back to me and told me he would ring me in a few weeks. What I really meant was call me now, I'm not doing ok. We exchanged some texts during the week, but really to the point.

I've never told anybody about my depression before so it felt lije a slap in the face.

I'm always there for him and if I see that there is anything wrong I ask him about it. I guess I was expecting the same in return.

I feel really suicidal at the moment and keep thinking of ways to end things. I even wrote a suicide note.

I don't know what to do. Has anyone been through this. I feel so alone. For someone that says they love me and can't live without me, I sure don't feel loved. I really don't know what to do now. Thanks for reading.

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In response to: Telling a partner you have depression and not acknowleged

Dragonfly8Contributor22 Mar 2018, 11:26 pm AEDT

Re: Telling a partner you have depression and not acknowleged

Honestly no one needs to write anything back if they don't want to. I feel bad because I havent been on here for ages. I really appreciate eveyones kind words. They really helped me a lot. For me writing my thoughts is a good way to get everything out as I don't have anyone to talk to.

Since last tme, me and my partner starting talking, but nothing was said about my depression. We were getting along and he is on break from work for this week. Everything was really good at the start of the week and we were so excited about the baby and the future. All the scans showed everything was ok so that was a major relief. Then Tuesday night it all went wrong. It was over something so stupid (doing the washing). I thought I would be helpful and put a load on while he was at the gym to help out. But when he came back he started swearing and carrying on about how I should have waited so he could wash his gym clothes. It wasn't directed at me but it was loud enough so I would hear it. It wasn't really a big deal put another load on. I started getting upset cos he wouldn't talk to me after that just ignored me. So I asked him what his problem was and why was it such a big deal. He said it was nothing and not worry about it. Then I started crying. A normal person probably would have let it go, but I can't. When I'm in a depressive mood it hits me 20 times harder. He told me not to cry and patted my leg. Then went to sleep. I cried all night. The suicide thoughts came back.

The next morning, I just couldn't getout of bed, I was crying and he just walked away like I was being a drama queen. I had to initiate a conversation with him and told him that I don't like being spoken to in a nasty way and that it was something really trivial. He said he wasn't being nasty and he just had a moment. He also laughed like it was all a joke. I'm crying my eyes out, how is that a joke.?? I so badly wanted to tell him that my depression was back and I wasn't ok and that I was starting to get suicidal thoughts but I just couldn't. In my head I knew what I wanted to say, I wanted him to call the doctor or my brother so they could get me help, but the words wouldn't come out. I just said that I felt like I wasn't good enough and nothing I did was ever good enough. Partly I didn’t say anything cos he never really addrssed the email I sent him about being depressed.

We made up but the rest of the day and night was strained.

Thursday we had the midwife appointment. I had to do this multiple choice on depression. I was gonna cheat and circle all the positive answers,but then I thought no I will be honest. So I circled all the answers as to how I was really feeling. It was hard because my partner was at the appointment as well. She added up all the points and it indicated that I was depressed. She asked me if it was since I was pregnant and I said no. She looked so caring and like she believed me that I broke down in tears. She didn't laugh at me she was taking it seriously. She asked me if I was feeling like that before the baby and I said yes. She asked if I was like this for quite some time and I said yes. If I got any help for it, no. If I would like help, yes. It was such a relief. So she gave me a referral form for my gp to fill out. My partner just sat there. Didn't reach out or say anything in support. I couldn't look at him.

The whole day was strained and he didn't say anything about it. Just small talk, but I was quiet the whole day. Didn't know what to say my spark just gone. I feel so let down again. No understanding. Nothing. Bought baby furniture, but I'm not excited, keep thinking why bother I probably won't be here to use it. Bad thoughts are in my head again. Still haven't told anyone about the baby. I'm just not excited.

Been thinking about ending the relationship. I just want someone to understand and be there for me. To hug me, ask me what's wrong and tell me everything is going to be ok, we will work through it. I'm so confused about things. My head is a mess.

The only good thing about the past few days is im going to be getting some help thanks to the mid wife.

In response to: Telling a partner you have depression and not acknowleged

Dragonfly8Contributor14 May 2018, 12:06 am AEST

Re: Telling a partner you have depression and not acknowleged

Told my partner a few weeks ago that my depression is very severe. I actually sent him an email because I just couldn't take anymore. I honestly just wanted to hurt myself cos I was sick of all the fighting. Its like nothing is ever good enough. Flew up to his workplace so we could spend time together, not good enough. Put effort into our relationship, not good enough. What is good enough. It just pushed me over the edge. He did call me back and said we would talk when he got home. We did talk and I told him my depession was very severe at the moment and that I've been suffering from it since I was 15. I told him that its an illness and that I may never recover from it. I told him that my head is all over the place and things that should be rational aren't like that for me because I can't think straight, my head is a mess. He seemed understanding and asked me questions. He asked about the counseling that the midwife organised and I told him I haven't been yet cos it took ages for a spot to become available. He asked if he could come as well cos he wants to get a better understanding, I told him I would think about it. I told him that he needs to be more understanding and more empathetic cos I'm not in a good place now. He said he would be and honestly it was a relief to get it out. I told him I really need his support more than ever. Its been a rocky road since. We had arguments and I told him look I'm not in a good place can you be more understanding, can you be nicer, can you give me a break. Then things are ok for a few days then they fall apart again. At the moment things are not good. I feel like a failure and I feel weak. I feel like talking about my depression has left me exposed. If he said that he understood then why can't he be more understanding. Why continue to push me to breaking point. There's only so many times you can say please be nicer to me I can't take much more. We are putting things together for the baby, and he has kids from previous relationships. So of course he knows everything. This is my first child I don't know everything. I want to enjoy it. Putting together furniture setting up the nursery. But everytime I try to help or have an opinion I get shut down. I put something together incorrectly there is an impatient tone from him. Whats the rush we should be enjoying this time. So of course my depression is back now. Stress level is high. Suicide thoughts are back. I'm on edge. Starting to lose interest. Enjoyment for things are going. Meant to be shopping for baby things tomorrow but I really don't want to. The suicidal thoughts are back again that is all that is going through my mind. I'm really not happy. Not happy in this relationship. Not happy in myself. I don't know what to do. Really not in a good way. Stay or go? What about the baby? My counseling session is on wednesday and I'm hanging out for it. I need to talk to someone about my doubts. I don't know if I want him to come. Whats the point, doesn't seem like it will improve anything. Just make me feel worse possibly.

In response to: Telling a partner you have depression and not acknowleged

s-jaySenior Contributor13 Nov 2018, 3:44 pm AEDT

Re: Telling a partner you have depression and not acknowleged

hi there @Dragonfly8 - i know it's been awhile but we'd love to know how you've been travelling.. If you were up for sharing any of your experiences being pregant and a new parent with mental health concerns, we'd love to have you along tonight. We are having a session tonight here on the forums about being a new parent and some of the striuggles you have described here. We'd love to have you along - just head over to this thread at 7pm AEDT tonight and we'll be chatting with some volunteer peer supporters from PANDA - Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia. Hope to see you..

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