making friends

@Zoe7i hope you dont mind me asking you as you seem to have good advice in this area of course no pressure to respond

My first bit of advice @outlander is to not 'jump in' straight away. Try to keep most things about yourself to yourself to begin with. Over-sharing can 'pull' people in quickly but can also push them away. It is a very fine line sometimes though. I am a very private person - even the closest people to me at work know very little about me. The things I 'choose' to share are around those things that are very visible eg. Toby and Cat. You love horses so that is a good general topic to work with.

Get to know a little about other people - their interests etc. and even if you have the same interest - hold back from revealing them all at once - a bit of mystery is good lol

How is that to start with?

You can never really 'prepare' for what is going to come up but you can have a few key phrases or questions on hand to deal with both situations (ie. freezing or jumping stratight in)

Statements such as "that is very interesting can you tell me a bit more about...." is a good way to keep a conversation going and shows you are listening, interested and engaged - that usually relaxes both parties in a conversation.

Also when you feel like you are freezing - paraphrase what you have just hear and say it back to the other peron - again- shows you are listening, interested and engaged.

If you feel uncomfortable (for whatever reason) in a conversation then politely remove yourself - this is probably the hardest one as you do not want to seem rude or dismissive - something simply like 'please excuse me, I need to go to the toilet" - they are also unlikely to follow you there lol

@outlander thinking before you speak and only speaking when you have something to add is really important to retain a sense of control for yourself also - this way what you say also has more impact and people are more likely to take notice.

Hi @outlander, just try to remember you're a great person. I know the anonymity of the forum means, in reality, I know very little about you, but the small fragments of the real you I do know shows you're a compassionate person. I have no real advice on making friends because I have so few in RL. I just wanted to wish you all the very best of luck

Hey @outlander. Great to hear you're trying a new group ☺ New things can be scary, but the more I try them the more I hope they'll get less scary eventually.

The only tip I have is to be you in all your you-ness. I find it really hard to be anyone but me, and the times I try to be less me, can often be even more uncomfortable than the times being me doesn't feel great in social situations.

When I think about the friends my heart remembers best, they're the ones I've been most comfortable in being myself around (and equally felt as if the other person was being them). I'm guessing we may all have different perspectives on this, but for me I would take one friend who's friendship was based on authentic, genuine us-ness, than one hundred friends I felt like I couldn't be myself around.

It kind of reminds me of this

Wishing you best with it ❤

Thank you everyone for posting here and sorry for the delay

@Zoe7 I think the idea of having those statement, it kind of keeps me hmm detached? Emotionally Might not be the right word though- but still interested at the same time.

Lol thats a good escape plan but what happens when I go back there lol but its a good break to regroup. Thanks heaps for all your advice. Its very helpful!

@utopia@Queenie I dont really know who I am, I mean besides a human. I worry that ill say something and it doesnt come out the way I need it to. I have writing skills but I dont have the social interaction skills so trying to learn them. I need to learn the balance between not coming across as rude and not dominant. Both of these arent intentional but find it hard to keep up a conversation because of nerves- I either withdraw or it makes me talk but I stutter and then panic more and then it just makes it worse. So lots of things to learn. thank you!

@CheerBear its scary but Its one of my goals to make some new friends and start to build a new life so while its scary I think its a big step hopefully in the right direction or at least a learning experience. Same msg as above pretty msuch sums up my answer to you too. I lack a lot of social skills. I mean besides the manners please thank you hi how are you sort of thing- short conversations but when it comes to being more social and keeping up convos etc is really challanging. and thank you!