It just hurts

Hi @Former-Member
Welcome to the forums, im so glad that you were able to post. It can be so scary to write how you're feelings. I'm sorry to hear how hard everything is at the moment and struggling. Ive felt like i just want everything to end in the past but also have kids who i know need me a lot which has helped me to hold on.
A lot of people will relate here, you're definitely not alone.
Take care

Im not even sure i can think clearly right now all i can think of is i have 4 cats.

I havnt felt this low in a good few years i forgot how dark this place can be and it seems a lot harder now, i feel like nobody could care im breaking into a million peices and they get small everyday and harder to find and pick up, im not even sure i want to pick them up anymore ive done it time and time again. Im just feeling really hopeless. Im sorry to be such a downer i just feel so lost in this darkness but i dont wanna be selfish. I just cant seem to get a hold of myself tonight.

Thank you so much for taking the time out to respond to me i appreciate it so much!

Hi @Former-Member
no need to apologise, i can hear how hard it all is at the moment. I have similar thoughts when i get low like that, about how it feels like it is a cycle on repeat. Im trying so hard to work out how to break that cycle for good... Im glad to hear that you havent felt this way in a few years.. i think if you can hold on through these really awful hours, that there will be good times ahead again (i know that can be hard to hear when low though 😞 ). Do you have much support from a gp or counsellor/psychologist etc? Don't forget that life line and suicide call back line are also really good to use if you arent feeling safe too (keep chatting here though if you are feeling safe and want to!)

Hi @Former-Member

I'm sorry to see you are struggling.

There are lots of members in the forum that share very similar feelings that you are experiencing. I hope you find some some help, reassurance and hope here.

I have emailed you some phone numbers of support services.

Please take care.

SleepyPanda

@SleepyPanda im unsure if it was meant to respond to that email but i did anyways.

I am safe right now and have numbers on stand by for if/when i need to call i am just venting my thoughts at the moment im sorry if i have done wrong.

I am blown away by all your responses that you have even taken the time for me! I hope to find my feet around here a bit more and maybe be able to even give back. My tears have finally stopped for now im sure they will back. I am going to drink some water and try eat dinner. It so hard i always have suicdal thoughts even when im 'well' they are just mostly fleeting then. Ive just felt like ive been drowing. Venting here has helped more than i thought it would to be honest you have all been so warm and lovely! Thank you just dosnt seem like enough!!!

I'm glad that being able to share here has helped, and really hope to see you around the forums more soon too! It is a very friendly and welcoming place, feel free to join in any where that you are comfortable too, you will be welcomed 🙂
I'm about to get ready for sleep! Glad you are up to eating dinner! Take care @Former-Member

Thank you all so much for such a lovely warm welcome.

Last night was rough i am feeling quiet fragile today but i just have to get on with it. I dont really feel connected to myself but thats prob gonna help me get through the day. My tears are constantly on the verge of bursting out lets hope i can hold it together at least until i get to go home from work.

Again thank you so much for the warm welcome and support last night *hugs*

@Former-Member - just wanted to let you know that you are not alone with these thoughts. I struggled badly last year with suicidal thoughts. But I'm feeling better now.
It's good to be able to express yourself here on the forum. Others understand. Others know.
So you are not alone here. Reach out whenever you need to.