Feeling like I am being kicked around like a football ... again!

No @Former-Member not yet.

Thanks for reply. I did think about a young lawyer I met on the train the other day .. maybe I should go and see him ... I always try to manage things without recourse to lawyers .. I saw it as rich peoples behaviour and as dragged through Supreme court being used by ex ... and not getting satisfaction with access to biological daughter .... maybe thats why this stuff happens ... I am feeling very low and unworthy ... shaky.

It was about getting files (my complete file and my siblings files) and the "social worker" was going into a mealymouthed bureacratic legalistic .... I was told 20 years was the time and now it is going to be 30 years for sibling .... and I am told I should have appealed/complained about my file earlier (within 20 days) .. when she was the one that could have advised me of my right to appeal ... I am going to try a NSW organisation ....tomorrow is another silent protest at DHS .... I will go to that .. at least we got the Royal Commission by quietly standing on the street holding placards ... but I dont seem to be able to get adequate support .... for me ... I saw my original file in about 1989 that was twice as big as the tidied up reduced photocopied file they now give me. That original file and real receipts etc... and records of phone calls about me ... I did not take photocopies of it then ... I guess it is my fault.... always too nice .. trying not to be a bother .... feeling very nauseous.

Sorry to hear what you are going through @Appleblossom. Thinking of you and sending you strength.

It will take a bit of time and change in mood to build up to a roar @Former-Member I need @eth's mental and virtual strength ... as I am going into space where I shake one arm anxiously as a kind of holding pattern ... to stop it flipping onto SH.

Had one student and one "no show" ... Just back with my jeep full of supamarket necessities.

My thougths about lawyers are not a huge rejection of the legal system ... its just that I havent had much luck ...and paid through the nose ... dont know how to get the good guys on side ... it was really nice the way I chatted on the train last Thursday about the difference between commercial and social justice lawyers with that young guy ... I need to get through next few days and might try and put something in place .... next week everything takes a little longer as I am on foot but it is better that way ...

@Appleblossom do you have support numbers or anyone you can call if you feel you are likely to SH? Perhaps if someone was with you (girlfriend you have mentioned?) you could get through tonight better.

With paying for lawyers - I've always accessed really good Community Legal services or Legal Aid and they do have some good people. Worth checking the community notices in your local newspaper - often they do initial sessions at libraries or community centres.

I dont have anyone I can call on @eth. That is why the forum is very important to me...

I am ok in the groups I am in .. so long as I pull my weight but dont rock the boat ... or be too needy ...

favours have never extended to keeping me company when I am down ... never ... I visited lot in hospital etc I did it for my mother, brother, sister and an aunt ...

but suicides do terrible things to families .. the destruction goes on for decades ... in the end my mother was more interested in hopping on planes to visit ... her previously estranged brother and son she never raised ... pose for the local musical society that recently had a memorial for her and never bothered to invite me ... mum's brother warned me about mum ... 2 male friends warned me about her ... my mother said in a warning tone 10 years before she died ... that "she was popular" all that rather than deal with abandonments or suicides or rather than bother about my son in hospital ...

so what am I left with ... all the rejections and games imply that it must be all my fault ..

At one stage I worked at trying to set up supports ...I know I am stretched too thin ... my story freaks people out ... I tried to join U3a ... but felt elbowed out ... I am the wrong shape ... not middle class enough in some ways .. too educated and supposedly "high-brow" in other ways ... dont fit in no matter how much I try ... getting pretty sick of trying.

I had a rest ... son wanted to a music session ... and he has settled for an easy ravioli for dinner .... in an hour or 2 ..... he had cereal for brekkie at 8pm ... I took a benzo I saved from my last crises a month ago... seeing GP in 10 days... important just to coast.

Hi @Appleblossom maybe good to talk to your doctor a bit sooner if possible. Are you still there to have a chat with me now? It's ok to be needy sometimes and it's good to be able to reach out for help. I am here tonight.

http://www.asca.org.au/WHO-WE-ARE/Our-Documents/Practice-Guidelines/Guidelines-Download

Hi @eth I was trying to look for a call number and found ... the above link from ASCA

Adults Surviving Child Abuse

its in Sydney

Are you fine to talk ... Is your friend gone?