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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Things a little less stormy this evening @Former-Member @Smc. Will enjoy that while it lasts.

Can't help but wonder if it is the result of me pretending to be busy and ignoring her for most of today. Even when I was over an hour late getting home (was out with a friend for the afternoon) she was happy to see me and we had a pleasant night shopping. I feel so much more relaxed when things go smoothly.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Don't worry things go smoothly...

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Just had my darling drop by with coffee and breaky roll from maccas. So much for day one take #? Of my new diet lol.

At least lunch is compliant. Baby green leaves and smoked salmon (from a tin).

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

And the company was nice.

It was nice to see my darling with a smile on her face and less anxious.

We bumped into the poor lady from the real estate while shopping last night. She was able to discuss upcoming logistics with darling which seems to have reduced some of the worry for now.

*edit

I say poor lady from the real estate because she received lots of anxious questions re our upcoming building inspection.
I feel so blessed how right from the stat both ladies we deal with at the real estate have had the insight to understand my darling and the ability to reassure her without judgement making this process so much easier for everyone concerned.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I am feeling relieved that darling still seems relatively calm tonight. Building and pest inspection is tomorrow which she is anxious about but getting calmer about as it gets closer. We will known the verdict by cob tomorrow. Wait and see how tomorrow goes. I am working a double shift tomorrow but darling will be spending the day with her mum which will make things considerably easier for both of us.

All going to plan we will be moving in 2 weeks.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Potential problems with building and pest report. Real estate was being very vague about it. 😵😩😰

Darling is going off the deep end and I don't know how I am going to manage tonight.

I don't have the strength to deal with this at the moment. So so tired and just dont have the strength for any more drama and trauma.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

ohhh hugs @Determined

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I had a very productive time with a councillor this afternoon and was feeling ok about things but now I just feel so flat.

Sorry to whine. Just feeling anxious about the result when my darling gets home.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Hello @Determined

I know how you are feeling and at the same time understand how your wife is feeling...

We are in the midst of and have been for some time....possible contracts....people coming back...taking away form 1's...asking 1000 questions....

a contract that was considered by both agents to be a sure thing...now has expired...

in the middle of nowhere whilst buyers are waiting to hear from possible sale of their property...

I am totally over the whole thing....

I become extremely anxious...husband is affected by me....so I have told him to keep me out of it...

I feel that he is letting everyone else run the show...

I am just trying to think about how you can make it very simple for your wife....

Does she like visual explanations....

Dot points...

Questionnaire that she can do on her own then give to you...allowing you time on your own to absorb her responses and answer...

Probably sounds preposterous...can take away the emotions...leaving major facts...

If out of the question...just ignore my suggestion....I sometimes feel that I sit on both sides of the fence and do feel for each of you...

At the end of the day....you..your darling and children are what matter....you will get through this...it will pass...

This has become a mantra for me in life these days...

take care

big hug

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thanks @Sophia1

It is just a case of riding it out at this late stage.

I spoke to the real estate again tonight and her explanation has allayed some of darlings fears.

At the moment is is more about my ability to continue to reassure her as I am tired and run down. Just wish feedback did not have to be so vague.

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