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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor22 Jan 2018, 1:25 pm AEDT

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor07 Apr 2018, 2:27 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Bella1978this is where I talk about the ups and downs in the life of my family,
Like you I am a little overwhelmed at the moment after a couple of anxious weeks but things have improved with a med tweak so thankful for that.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember07 Apr 2018, 4:44 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Hey Bro,
Checking in

Revisited 5 love language book, was quite difficult to tell what ours are. I think as a carer one feels do depleted at times that any show of affection is welcomed. Did your darling say what hers were? Mr D said acts of service was the most important to him, probably quality time might be mine although I am a gift giver.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor07 Apr 2018, 5:06 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Former-MemberI was going to revisit it also but can't find the book,

I think my Darling would be giving and recieving gifts.

Mine is definatly physical touch and words of affirmation, (Both giving and recieving)

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor07 Apr 2018, 5:17 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Another good book I want to revisit is - His Needs / Her Needs

Just googled it and think it is the one by by Willard F Harley Jr. (based on the cover pic).

This was recommended to us by a couple at church who were retired marriage councillors.

We tried going over it a few years ago but darling lost interest when when we got to the chapter talking about His needs 😞

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember07 Apr 2018, 5:26 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined ...

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor07 Apr 2018, 5:31 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Former-Member

Darling seems to be going along steady at the moment, a few ups and downs still but nothing like a week or 2 ago and the open talk about suicidal thoughts has ceased. She has been enjoying having movie nights with the children while they are on holidays. Out at a bridal shower this afternoon.

How are things for you and Mr Darcy? - trust you are both doing ok especially after loosing your loyal friend. Not easy loosing a pet like that when they are part of the family.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember07 Apr 2018, 6:37 pm AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined ... Hoping this might help turn the corner medically, although the MI will always be there, getting some if the more extreme symptoms eliminated is desirable. I know it took ages for me to be able to trust the meds on that front but between the two drugs Mr D is in on but they have helped the major issues.

As a carer, we often find our needs not being met by our loved ones, having the energy to put in a dedicated effort to their love language can cause conflicting internal emotions.

It has been hard to know with Mr D ... will see what pdoc says at next appt ... few things I really don't understand ...

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember09 Apr 2018, 7:48 am AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

How are you going @Determined

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

DeterminedSenior Contributor09 Apr 2018, 8:01 am AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Morning @Former-Member

All steady here, feeling a little wired trying to get a report finished, have a phone consult with a lecturer this morning but have not reached a point I wanted to in order to make the most of it.

Thought Darling was doing ok but obviously she is not pleased with me going to uni early as I already have a text about not wanting to get out of bed. (Not uncommon when my focus and attention is elsewhere).

Trusting things go ok with Mr D today.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Unknown userMember09 Apr 2018, 8:09 am AEST

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Hi Bro, sending heaps of prayers up for you and your darling.

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