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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined

Have put down the rake ... lovely you went out for tea with family ... moments to treasure ... as was going out as a family this morning.

Have given a lot of thought to fears and how these play out in our lives - has been most helpful for me. As you say Bro, works in progress, tackling our fears, learning how to deal with them in healthier ways as we do our best to look after the ones we love so very much.

I took your advice and was able to give Mr D some words of appreciation. Pretty sure we have the 5 love languages book, will peruse our bookcases shortly as revisiting it may be helpful.

Trust your study went well today and your presentation goes well tomorrow. Keeping you and your darling in prayers.

Darcy

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Presentation went better than I thought it did this morning.
I was a little disapointed, found it hard to get my words out but lecturer said it was HD presentation, HD is > 85% grade.
It will be 2 weeks before we get our actual score.

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

My darling managed to get through the day ok despite me getting the usual pre-assessment 'not coping, cant do this' text message.
While they still concern me I am learning to be less reactive to them.

Feeling a bit tired and wired tonight. Have only just arrived home (6pm qld time) and left home this mornimg at 5.30am. Another 5.30 am start tomorrow 😪

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

wow big day @Determined , fingers crossed for a good sleep tonight for you

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Slight clarification to message above re this mornings presentation.
I was disappointed with my component of the presentation after it was complete but certinally not disappointed with the result ☺
Have to be happy with the result and feedback from the lecturer.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Had another couples counselling appointment toady. Drive home was hard as I am already tired but found today's appointment draining again. Highlights just how much unresolved conflict we have.

Added to this while I have thought that my darlings BPD diagnosis has only been in the last couple of years I found out today that it was after the birth of S1. 13 years ago.

Councillor asked, 'do you think it may have been important for your husband to know this?'

Darling just shrugged her shoulders like to say whatever. Couldn't care less.

Don't know why but that really hurt. That added to it was one of her so called friends that eventually told me when I did find out just adds to my feelings of irrelevance. Times like this are when I wonder why I bother. Why am I so emotionally invested when it seems I am the only one who cares 😢

Sulk over time to move on... and no worries, I remain committed to our relationship despite how irrational that decision seems.

Have some work to do tonight, have another in class assessment tomorrow that I forgot about 😲

In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined these things do hurt, choosing to love is not easy.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Counselor was very perceptive, has given me a book to read on dealing with rejection, (Christian based). First chapters seem accurate and relevant.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Darling had her first visit with a new councillor today, the lady is going to start going through some childhood issues with her. She seems comfortable initially so really hoping something may come of this. Last councillor she went to see she sacked after 2 visits.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

how is the book reading going @Determined

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