Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

I got offered an extra shift each week (5hrs) at work today due to someone leaving which I cautiously accepted, I wanted to accept mostly because it will create logistical problems for them finding someone new at short notice more than anything. Not sure if I actually need the additional commitment at the moment though.

Site coordinator understands things can be tricky for me at home so if things change and I am unable to cope and maintain it, it wilI not be a problem for me to drop the shift again. She is sensitive to me not being overloaded or over committed.

Problem is that when I told darling she was not pleased and is stressing as it is another day she will be without me. Wondering now if I should say something early that it may be a problem so they can start looking for a replacement or just see how it goes. Just feel that being a little bit flexible improves future job opportunities.

While I am mindful that my primary purpose at the moment is as a carer and thanks to centrelink I dont actually have to work I do want to stretch myself to become employable again. Currently I lack confidence in that area. On the other hand if I over committ and fall apart then I am no good to anyone. But I would like to at least try. Over being aftraid to try in case something happens.

Just thinking out loud here more than anything.

Feeling a bit gutted tonight, it is S1s birthday and he has been soooo excited all day and I wish I was happy with him, but I have just found out though that Mum-in-law has just had a diagnosis of secondary cancer confirmed.

Feeling like I need to cry but the tears wont come. Have kept myself distracted for the last couple of hours but not looking forward to lights out when my mind usually goes into overdrive. I am quite worried about how my darling is going to process this at a time when she is already quite low and in a `dark' space. it would seem that the news has not set in yet. 😞

I only have the information second hand from darling at the moment and there are still more tests (biopsies) to come but from what I understand the prognosis is not particularly bright. could explain why Mum and Dad (inlaw) have been on a downsizing and de-cluttering process in recent weeks.

This may potentially determine what I now do with the extra work I have agreed to and explains why my darling reacted so negatively to it.

Life is so much the pits at times..

thinking of you all...no need to respond

take care::

Not overstepping at all @Former-Member , I do know this but it is good to be reminded.

It is also important I think for me to take that break anyway as it gives my already overloaded brain a chance to reset. And I love the look of the freshly mowed paddock. Often it can give me a physical boost due to a sense of achievement.

@Former-MemberThat link about BPD family connections is VERY GOOD.

I agree @Appleblossom

There some good educational videos on there that I have flagged to look at once this current batch of assessments is done.