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Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

This thread is a follow on (or starting over) from my previous thread Caring for a wife with borderline personality disorder – sequel to diary of wife's hospital stay, I wanted to start over and in order to leave all the trauma and negativity of last year behind me and start fresh.

Those of you who have been following our family journey will know that after a number of hospital admissions for my darling I was encouraged by my councillor to implement some boundaries (lovingly implemented guidelines, not rules to be enforced) as well as self-care for myself as what we were doing was clearly not working and my health was /still is being affected.

Well after a smoother than expected start the boundaries and self-care were forgotten with my darling having a complete melt down and further lengthy hospital admissions due to high risk of self harm and a genuine attempt to leave us. The last 6 months particularly have been quite difficult for us all. S2 particularly had a lot of issues at school during this time and is currently seeing a councillor.

The purpose of this new thread is to again document our journey of healing, working on implemented boundaries and commitment to self care. As with the previous thread this is so that I can have a visual plan for myself with some accountability to follow through with plans in place and in the hope that it may help others in similar situations to ours. And so that I can track our progress. This was especially helpful in the last thread leading up to Christmas when I was feeling down about our current position to review what I had written and see just how far we have come.

2306 replies

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In response to: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Doing ok here @Former-Member

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined trust you have a blessed weekend Bro.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Thanks @Former-Member

You too. 😊

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Evening all,

We are on the brink of a crisis here and not sure what to do.

Darling has been verbally abusive is having a lot of talk about self harm (permanent type). It is hard to gauge if this talk is serious or just being said to hurt me. (A fair measure of the latter unfortunately I think). Again this is right before I have a significant assessment. I have a group presentation at 8am tomorrow that I am trying to focus on, if things have not improved in the morning I will have to arrange some supervision before I head off to Uni lookin glike being late. Being a group assessment this affects more than just me 😐

To top this off FIL went to hospital by ambulance this afternoon, he called while we were out shopping. Now he has been transferred to a hospital 70km away. not answering his phone so I have no Idea what is going on. Probably he is happy to escape the bad energy in the house at the moment.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Despite the fact that in her mind I don't care, I do understand darling is desperately missing her mum at the moment and I fail to see how treating me like crap improves the situation.

I honestly don't know what else I can do to prove to her that I care and am here to support her. Times like today if it was not for my commitment to hang in and support my family no matter what it would be really easy to give up and walk away. Darcy's emotional resilience thread has been most valuable this past week.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Determined - perhaps tackle one thing at a time.

Can you ring hospital nurse station to check.on FIL?

Can you make arrangements for supervision for tomorrow this evening? Anything else in the safety plan that needs activation?

Sending gentle thoughts your way.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

@Former-Member I will have to call the hospital in the morning, I am not even 100% sure what hospital they are taking Dad to so may have to ring around. Then I will need to get passed all of the privacy crap to even get hold of him. May have to go in and see our hospital here for assistance if that becomes an issue.

I managed to get hold of my mum and she will be dropping by early tomorrow so I can be at uni by 7:30, have not told darling yet, I will tell her in the morning as this measure will not be at all well received and I can't deal with any more drama tonight.

This measure is effectively sticking to one of our boundaries (or a variation of) in that if I am concerned for darlings safety then supervision will be arranged. (I don't think the risk is high enough to warrant hospital or an ambulance but it is definitely high enough to call in family help and supervision).

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Now that you have dealt with the necessary practicalities, is there something you can do that might help you calm a little?

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

At this late stage @Former-Member the best I can do is a nice hot shower and try and get some rest. I have done as much prep as I can on this presentation now so time for some down time away from the screen. I usually look at some motorcycle touring videos on youtube before bed but time away from a screen may be more benefical right now.

Thanks for checking in but think I will head off now.

Trust all is as well as it can be for you and Mr Darcy.

In response to: Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Re: Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Will send up a few extras for you and yours Bro.

Take care @Determined

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