Supporting my wife who lives with Borderline Personality Disorder while maintaining self care.

Getting out for the ride = 👍

Assuming Darling not having the insight to see that she needs to ramp up her psychological care @Determined.

@Former-Member darling has the insight to see that she is not coping but does not have the strength to do anything about it.

I have suggested that she needs to talk to someone but she is not in the right space for that yet. (Darlings assessment). She does have a pdoc app this week so I really hope she is able to talk about it there.

I did have an opportunity to gently suggest taking to someone about the sibling. Initally she claimed to not remember anything so how is that going to work.... shortly after the floodgates opened with a tirade of events some small some big that have had a deep impact on her. I think I may have been fairly accurate in wondering if him being here was triggering some memories even before the current problems began.

@Determined

At times like that I feel so inadequate. I can't fix things, I certainly cannot change the past, I feel whatever I say say is less than helpful.

I know what you mean @Former-Member. feeling pretty much the same at the moment.

I think having insight but not the strength is a good description @Determined. I guess in some way self care is that emotional exercise we need to do to keep our strength up so.

Darling had a pdoc app today.

I had finally encouraged her to start the conversation about percieved childhood trauma (particularly around sibling). She even asked me to come in at the start and help out with my thoughts.

Well I dont know what she told him as he sent me out but but doc decided that all of that was not that traumatic and not to worry about it. Ummm that's why she has vivid memories 30+ years on.

I have to say though that despite some pretty big cracks forming she is still doing so much better relative to this time last year.

Hi @Determined

Speaking from only our experience with Ms S and that of a close friend - in terms of therapy for trauma / ptsd sensorimotor psychotherapy has been amazingly helpful as a complimentary treatment where other modalities didn’t quite nail it completely on their own ...

i read ‘the body keeps the score” by Bessel Van der Kolk and it was like reading the story of our relationship over the last 20yrs ... that’s when my eyes were opened to the complex impacts of past traumas (real and/or perceived) ... I can’t recommend this book enough - it was incredibly helpful for me as the partner of someone with trauma strewn throughout their life story ..

then I discovered the sensorimotor psychotherapy modality that Pat Ogden setup - Bessel is on the board of the sensorimotor institute ... anyway there are trained therapists in this technique and it’s been great for us ... anyway have a look and see what you think - and if you choose to follow up I encourage you to research the therapists qualifications and background - they all list them in their websites ... I showed Ms S three qualified therapists and she picked one whose background and site appealed to her ... it’s changed MsS significantly and really I believe her healing journey is really benefited from it and I hope will keep doing so ...

anyone else tried this modality ? Or read these books ??

I feel like I am falling apart tonight. We went to visit mil this afternoon and it seems to me she has taken a real downward turn. In fact I burst into tears when I saw her. She looked just like my dad did in the hours before he died. I am feeling completly inadequate and don't know how I can possibly support my family through our upcoming loss when I cant even hold myself together... praying for strength at the moment. 😢 She may well be with us for some time yet and I could well be over reacting. I hope so.

Sorry if I have concerned anyone, I will be ok, I just needed to get that out as I am feeling miserable lost and lonely. I will get up and do it all again tomorrow... just wish it wasn't so hard.

Thanks @Sophie1 I will definatly look into this. I have a gp app tomorrow so will see what she thinks. (We both see the same gp who has a wonderful grasp and empathy for mi).

@Determined Thinking of you - sounds like a lot on and very overwhelming - one day at a time - pls be gentle with yourself