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Not doing well.

LemonjuiceSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 3:42 pm AEDT

Not doing well.

I'm not coping. I've put on weight, none of my clothes fit, I need some $3000 in the next couple of weeks for car rego and a loan and I'm broke, everyone is expecting me to fix things and I'm being emotionally and verbally abused daily. Even without all of that, I am usually a mess, depressed and anxious but this is ... well, hell, I'm on this forum...none of you are going to be surprised by what I'm thinking. I keep trying to hang on but not sure I can take much more. It's freaky strange...I'm functioning like all is well, while internally I am dead already...it's just a shell moving around. Anyway, robot must start dinner.

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In response to: Not doing well.

Shaz51Senior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 3:49 pm AEDT

Re: Not doing well.

Hello @Lemonjuice

sorry to hear you are not coping my friend

@Former-Member

In response to: Not doing well.

BunniekinsSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 3:53 pm AEDT

Re: Not doing well.

@Lemonjuice Hi Lemonjuice I cannot remember whether or not you have a psychologist or psychiatrist helping you through all of this .... what about medication has that been looked at recently?

I think we can all sympathise about weight ... even with my super healthy low fat and veggie diet is taking ages for the weight to shed ... if it ever does shed that is but I figure better plump than mad so plump I will probably be.

Anyways ... you know we are ll here to lend a ear when things are not going well. Take care. gp xx

In response to: Not doing well.

LemonjuiceSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 4:18 pm AEDT

Re: Not doing well.

I have a counsellor; psychotherapy-psychodynamic... seeing him tomorrow. I'm going to tell him that I want to stop treatment. There's no use in going anymore... it's a waste of time. The only way things can change is if I suddenly won lots of money... geez, just realized I don't even have the money to buy a lottery ticket! Anywayz... no matter, things will sort themselves out.

In response to: Re: Not doing well.

BunniekinsSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 4:25 pm AEDT

Re: Not doing well.

@Lemonjuice Hang in there Lemonjuice you are right things always work out one way or another. Stupid rego is so expensive ... car repairs ... stupid cars are such an expensive necessary.

In response to: Re: Not doing well.

Unknown userMember18 Jan 2018, 5:55 pm AEDT

Re: Not doing well.

Good afternoon @Bunniekins @Shaz51 @Lemonjuice 🙂

@Lemonjuice, I don't think we've met before- hi 🙂

It sounds like you've got a lot happening all at once right now. Great to hear you a have a session tomorrow, I hope you can talk about this with them and your desire to want to stop therapy too. It's good to explore these things with your therapist if you can.

I'm not sure if you are aware of the Sane Help Centre but we are here M-F 10am-10pm AEST if you need more 1:1 support, please call on 1800 187 263 or hop onto the web chat through the Sane website.

I hope you can keep talking @Lemonjuice. Take care,

Pebbles 🙂

In response to: Not doing well.

LemonjuiceSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 7:00 pm AEDT

Re: Not doing well.

@Former-Member We talked, I think, last year...I had another account and lost it...Wildflowers....so I started a new one.

Thanks for the info. I know that there are centres...I've thought of calling many times but what's the point. Talking won't change anything which is why I think about giving up counselling. I get to drive an hour and a half into the city, past people socializing, working going to uni, living life, to talk with someone who gives me the only bit of comfort and positivity I get all week. Then I drive back home to a mother who is living her final year or two, who is physically and cognitively falling apart and in constant pain, to a house which is falling apart, to late teens who are using and abusing me and bills that there is no way I can pay. How exactly is talking going to fix any of that? I'm too tired to talk. It doesn't matter. Maybe it's meant to be like this.

Sorry, f'n downer. Ok...have to stop doing this. I need to shut up...just bringing myself down and everyone with me. Need to think more positive.

In response to: Not doing well.

LemonjuiceSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 7:34 pm AEDT

Re: Not doing well.

I'm sorry guys for this crappy thread. Moderators @Former-Member feel free to delete the entire thread.

In response to: Re: Not doing well.

Unknown userMember18 Jan 2018, 7:41 pm AEDT

Re: Not doing well.

Hey @Lemonjuice, have just had a read about what's going on for you at the moment. It does sound like you have more than a lot on your plate at the moment. I understand that sometimes when there is so much going on, talking doesn't seem like the answer and it may not be. But, what it can help with is giving you an outlet to express how you're feeling and hopefully gain some support from that. That is why I'm so glad that you are reaching out here 🙂

You mentioned in your last post that you need to think more positively...I'm wondering whether the Forums are something positive in your life, as well as the connections you've made with people here?

Sitting with you tonight...

In response to: Re: Not doing well.

Shaz51Senior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 7:44 pm AEDT

Re: Not doing well.

sitting with you too @Lemonjuice

In response to: Not doing well.

LemonjuiceSenior Contributor18 Jan 2018, 9:32 pm AEDT

Re: Not doing well.

@Former-Member @Shaz51 Thanks for your understanding. I'm not very good with emotions. I either feel too much or nothing... usually nothing. I've been seeing my therapist for a year and I still feel nothing. I dissociate from feelings. I have a big black shadow monster inside me that wants me dead...so its probably a good thing to feel nothing at the moment. I'm ok. Went shopping just before and now back in bed. Might watch a movie and go to sleep.

The people here are nice...I'm a POS, which is why I should go. I like uni. It keeps me sane and positive. Mum doesn't want me to go because it takes me away from her. I keep going though cause if I don't, it will end me. It's the only thing I have left and even that I am barely holding onto. I have to do it part-time so mum doesn't get to upset.

I'm tired. Have a headache too. Going to sleep.

Sorry for all the nonsense. I'll be better tomorrow.

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